Andy Dawson

The Sea - cold, wet, and unforgiving. The perfect place to dump shit products, moronic people, and crap pop culture. Man buns? Get in the sea. Glitter beards? In you go. Cereal cafes? SEA. And how about manspreading, ant gin, water sommeliers, real people playing Quidditch, dating apps, Bluetooth gloves, and Shoreditch? Then there's waterproof suits, juicing, early Christmas, dog yoga, Nando's, drones, and Gregg Wallace? Fuck. It's never ending. Something must be done. Buy this book. Or you know what you can do. . .

An Apoplectic Guide to Modern Life

Get in the Sea!

Bob Mortimer

In the first book inspired by their wildly popular podcast, Bob Mortimer and Andy Dawson have tried their hardest to produce an authoritative guide to the past, present and future world of football. But, as in the podcast, they tend to get a bit side-tracked - as well as bringing you some (fairly) genuine football facts 'n' stats, Bob and Andy get waylaid with speculation about the lifestyle of baked bean-loving, yellow snake-owning former England boss Steve McClaren. There's also input from the Secret Soccer Superstar - a former player who lifts the lid on what it's really like to be a top, top pro. In keeping with the occasional non-football vibe of the podcast, there's also lifestyle hacks, domestic appliance tips and meat advice, as well as Bob and Andy's fact-files on each other and a definitive guide to lifting up celebrities.In summary, it's a bit of a mess. BUT, it's a beautiful, glorious, hilarious mess... and if you're not reduced to at least one convulsion while reading it, Bob and Andy are going to be very disappointed with you indeed. In fact, they might come round to your house and force you to KISS THE ALDERMAN!

Andy Dawson

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