Beverly Engel

A noted authority on abuse addresses the issue of women caught in a position of being too nice, making them easy to take advantage of, and offers helpful suggestions on how women can confront the behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs that make them vulnerable and replace them with healthier, more empowering ones.

Stop Being Manipulated and Abused -- and Start Standing Up for Yourself

The Nice Girl Syndrome

Healing Your Emotional Self "Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children's self-esteem, self-image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self-criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more posititve self-image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was abused or neglected as a child." --Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents "In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children. Engle's insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives." --Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy The Emotionally Abusive Relationship "Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse." --Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse Loving Him without Losing You "A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read." --Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?

A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame

Healing Your Emotional Self

Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. And while anyone can suffer from lingering shame, those who were abused in childhood tend to feel it the most. InIt Wasn't Your Fault, a therapist presents a compassion-based therapeutic approach to help survivors of physical and sexual abuse overcome the debilitating shame that often keeps them tied to the past. By offering step-by-step techniques for understanding the root cause of shame, as well as exercises in mindfulness and compassion for the self and others, this book will help readers begin to heal and move past painful experiences.

Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion

It Wasn't Your Fault

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

An accessible, inspiring guide focused on empowering women from the inside out by showing them why it is difficult for them to speak up and say no, helping them cultivate self-compassion regarding previous sexual violations, and encouraging them to stop blaming themselves and instead connect with their righteous anger.

Standing Up to Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, and Sexual Pressure

I'm Saying No!

AARP Digital Editions offer you practical tips, proven solutions, and expert guidance. In The Nice Girl Syndrome, Beverly Engel shows how you can overcome the pressure to please others and feel free to be your true self. Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read The Nice Girl Syndrome. In this breakthrough guide, renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships, can show you how to take control of your life and take care of yourself. Engel explains that women today simply cannot afford to be Nice Girls, because women who are too nice send the message that they are easy targets and are much more likely to be victimized emotionally, physically, and sexually. She identifies the seven different types of Nice Girls and helps you understand which type or types might apply to you. Engel helps you determine whether the Nice Girl Syndrome is keeping you in an abusive relationship or in manipulative situations and helps you change Nice Girl beliefs and behaviors that are holding you back. Shows you how to confront the beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck in a Nice Girl act as you replace them with healthier, more empowering ones Includes inspiring stories of women Engel has worked with who have found the courage and strength to stop taking abuse and start standing up for themselves "This book will challenge, entertain, and empower its readers." --Publishers Weekly (starred review) Written by renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships Filled with wise advice, powerful exercises, and practical prescriptions, The Nice Girl Syndrome shows you step by step how to take control of your life and be your own strong woman.

Stop Being Manipulated and Abused--and Start Standing Up for Yourself

AARP The Nice Girl Syndrome

Shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. If you suffered childhood physical or sexual abuse, you may experience such intense feelings of shame that it almost seems to define you as a person. In order to begin healing, it’s important for you to know that it wasn’t your fault. In this gentle guide, therapist and childhood abuse expert Beverly Engel presents a mindfulness and compassion-based therapeutic approach to help you overcome the debilitating shame that keeps you tied to the past. By following the step-by-step exercises in this book, you’ll gain a greater understanding of the root cause of your shame. And by cultivating compassion toward yourself, you will begin to heal and move past your painful experiences. Recent studies show that trauma survivors, particularly those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from abuse, can greatly benefit from incorporating elements of self-compassion into their treatment. Furthermore, the practice of self-compassion has been shown to decrease PTSD symptoms, including, self-criticism, thought suppression, and rumination. This book is based on the author’s powerful and effective Compassion Cure program. With this book, you will develop the skills needed to finally put a stop the crippling self-blame that keeps you from moving on and being happy. You’ll learn to focus on your strengths, your courage, and your extraordinary ability to survive. Most of all, you’ll learn to replace shame with its counter emotion—pride.

How women can overcome the pressure to please others and feel free to be their true selves Are you too nice for your own good? Do family members manipulate you? Do coworkers take advantage of you? If this sounds familiar, read The Nice Girl Syndrome. In this breakthrough guide, renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships, can show you how to take control of your life and take care of yourself. Engel explains that women today simply cannot afford to be Nice Girls, because women who are too nice send the message that they are easy targets and are much more likely to be victimized emotionally, physically, and sexually. She identifies the seven different types of Nice Girls and helps you understand which type or types might apply to you. Engel helps you determine whether the Nice Girl Syndrome is keeping you in an abusive relationship or in manipulative situations and helps you change Nice Girl beliefs and behaviors that are holding you back. Shows you how to confront the beliefs and behaviors that keep you stuck in a Nice Girl act as you replace them with healthier, more empowering ones Includes inspiring stories of women Engel has worked with who have found the courage and strength to stop taking abuse and start standing up for themselves "This book will challenge, entertain, and empower its readers."--Publishers Weekly (starred review) Written by renowned author and therapist Beverly Engel, who has helped thousands of women recognize and leave emotionally abusive relationships Filled with wise advice, powerful exercises, and practical prescriptions, The Nice Girl Syndrome shows you step by step how to take control of your life and be your own strong woman.

"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive." -Publishers Weekly A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition! Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does? Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes? Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first? Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it? In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life. "Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation." -Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships "Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves." -Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal "An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships." -Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents

Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships

The Power of Apology

AARP Digital Editions offer you practical tips, proven solutions, and expert guidance. In Healing Your Emotional Self, Beverly Engel provides a program to help readers raise their self-esteem, quiet their inner critic, and overcome their shame. Those who were emotionally abused or neglected in childhood tend to suffer from self-criticism, low self-esteem, self-doubt, a poor body image, perfectionism, and unhealthy shame. Now renowned psychotherapist Beverly Engel presents a psychologically sound, step-by-step program to help adult survivors heal the damage to their self-image caused by negative parental messages and treatment. Healing Your Emotional Self shows readers how to become reunited with their true self, quiet their inner critic, raise their self-esteem, and begin to love their body. Engel also teaches survivors how to separate emotionally from their parents and provide for themselves what they missed as a child.

AARP Healing Your Emotional Self

Christopher Kennedy Lawford

Your partner's addiction takes a toll on both of your lives. That doesn't mean you should turn your back on the person you love. We've been told that staying with a partner who struggles with addiction—whether it be with drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors—means that we're enabling their destructive behavior. That wanting to help them means we're codependent, and that the best thing for both of us is to walk away from the relationship entirely. But is that true? When Your Partner Has an Addiction challenges the idea that the best chance for recovery—for the addict and their partner—is to walk away. Instead, it makes the revolutionary claim that you, and the love you have for your partner, can be a key part of his or her journey to recovery. Together, addiction activist and bestselling author Christopher Kennedy Lawford and psychotherapist Beverly Engel, MFT, take a fresh look at addiction and codependency—the latest research on what causes them and what the two have in common. Rather than treat addiction or codependency as disease or weakness, When Your Partner Has an Addiction honors the trauma and shame that often lie at their source and shows you how to use your love to combat that shame, allowing you to more effectively support your partner and heal yourself. The research proves that, while you cannot "fix" your partner, you can have a positive impact on their recovery. Whether you suffer from codependency, and whether your partner is already in recovery, When Your Partner Has an Addiction provides you with proven techniques and strategies to drastically improve your relationship and help get your partner the help he needs—without leaving and while taking care of yourself in the process.

How Compassion Can Transform Your Relationship (and Heal You Both in the Process)

When Your Partner Has an Addiction

Honor Your Anger is a clearly written, insightful look at a topic that concerns everyone. You can indeed learn to understand and manage your anger, and this book will show you how." --Robert Epstein, Ph.D., West Coast Editor, Psychology Today, Director Emeritus, Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies, University Research Professor, California School of Professional Psychology "A critical first step for people who have trouble getting in touch with their anger and expressing it in direct and appropriate ways." --Virginia Williams, Ph.D., coauthor of Anger Kills and Lifeskills Do you act out your anger in destructive or underhanded ways? Or do you suppress your anger and turn other people's abuse and criticism against yourself? Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But if it's channeled in negative directions, anger can do real damage to you and your loved ones. In this provocative, healing book, psychotherapist Beverly Engel explains why your personal anger style may be hurting your relationships, your career, and yourself. She then shows you step by step how to transform a negative anger style into a positive one. Once you've discovered how to express your anger in healthy ways, you'll find that anger can empower you, motivate you to make important changes, and help you gain a sense of control over your life.

How Transforming Your Anger Style Can Change Your Life

Honor Your Anger

Organized to follow the recovery path, this book is filled with reminders that give women the strength they need to change and grow stronger. With important therapeutic information and one-sentence "encouragements", Engel guides women through the recognition of abuse, the escape from a relationship, and the healing afterward.

Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman

Does your partner blame you for his or her own problems? Does your partner humiliate you, especially in front of others? Is your partner impossible to please? Are you convinced something is wrong with you? Are you too ashamed to admit you are being abused? In Escaping Emotional Abuse, Beverly Engel, world-renowned therapist and expert in emotional abuse, exposes techniques an abuser uses to break your spirit and gain control - and guides you in how to free yourself from the shame that can keep you from the life, and the love, that you deserve. By using your deepest fears against you, the abuser strips you of self-esteem, dignity, and humanity - making you feel unworthy and utterly powerless to escape. But you possess a potent tool with which to combat shame: self-compassion. In these pages, Engel shows you how to access it. Using her highly effective Shame Reduction Program, she helps you jumpstart the process of recovery by offering specific steps to help you heal and regain self-confidence. An invaluable resource for both men and women who suffer from emotional abuse, as well as therapists and advocates, Escaping Emotional Abuse is a supportive, nurturing guide for anyone seeking to break the chains of shame, and gain the emotional freedom to create healthier, lasting relationships.

Healing from the shame you don't deserve

Escaping Emotional Abuse

No one could have imagined how as a child Beverly Engel could have managed to become who she is today—an internationally known expert on abuse recovery and the best-selling author of twenty-two self-help books. This is the raw, candid story of how she made her way in the world in spite of her mother’s neglect, unreasonable expectations and constant criticism; in spite of being sexually abused, first at four years old and then at nine; and in spite of being raped at twelve. Raising Myself takes readers on a remarkable journey, showing us how Engel, who was basically on her own from the age of four, learned how to cope with a neglectful, narcissistic mother while being surrounded by a cast of characters that included eccentrics and misfits, a religious fanatic, child molesters, rapists, and hoodlums. It is a soul-searching memoir about how she came dangerously close to the edge of becoming a child molester, a criminal, and a suicide, and how she battled her inner demons and struggled to keep her heart open and to “reinvent” herself so she could follow her dream of making something of herself. Powerfully inspiring and unflinchingly honest, Raising Myself is a story of remarkable resilience and insight.

A Memoir of Neglect, Shame, and Growing Up Too Soon

Raising Myself

Are you a Disappearing Woman? "Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and providedwomen with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes withcompassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman,you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir.It is!"-Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two ofYou Together and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? "This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so manywomen surrender their individuality in relationships. Don't waituntil your hair is on fire to read it."-Maxine Schnall, founder andExecutive Director of Wives Self Help "A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to womenwho lose themselves in their relationships with men but to theparents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to viewthemselves as valuable beings separate from their relationshipswith men and boys."-Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and AFine Young Man Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover's needs ahead ofyour own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romanticrelationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends,or even your health while in the midst of a love affair? Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricatereasons why so many women submerge themselves in theirrelationships with men-and offers a straightforward, empoweringprogram that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip ofthis all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman ofSubstance.

How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself

Loving Him without Losing You

Beverly Engel brings her expertise to this important examination of the Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome—the first book to address this abusive syndrome. She discusses the origins of the disorder, names its seven major manifestations, explains how to identify Jekyll and Hyde behavior in other people and in oneself, and outlines clear steps for how to heal Jekyll and Hyde tendencies for good.

Beverly Engel

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