Celia Rivenbark

"The funniest, New York Times bestselling southern humorist delivers a book of etiquette for the modern age. Celia Rivenbark's seventh book, Rude Bitches Make Me Tired, is an always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for real-life manners quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: It doesn't include tattoos or truck decals). In this book, Celia Rivenbark: Navigates the agonies of check splitting ("who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?") Explores the baffling aspects of airline travel ("Recline Monster" and other animals) Discusses the art of the visit (always leave them wanting more. much more) Expounds upon gym and locker etiquette ("no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked") Examines the conundrums of office manners (Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst) And much more! Good manners have never been more fun!"--

Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! - And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube - And much more! And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning among others, comes three wickedly irreverent essays that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere.

Three Favorite Essays

She Drives Me Crazy

In a humorous compilation of essays, the author draws on her Southern heritage to address the secrets of celebrity mothers, why children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls, and other commentary on life south of the Mason-Dixon line.

And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

The author offers humorous observations on the human condition, particularly in the South, covering such topics as grits, beer, redneck women, television, ATMs, politics, work, funerals, friendship, and men.

And Other Southern Endearments

Bless Your Heart, Tramp

Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover: * How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy) * Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them) * EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" (Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?) * Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues * And so much more! Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.

A humorous compilation of essays by the author of We're Just Like You, Only Prettier draws on her Southern heritage to address how to get one's child into a character breakfast at Disneyworld, the secrets of celebrity mothers, eBay addiction, why children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls, and other commentary on life south of the Mason-Dixon line. Reprint.

A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning among others, comes three wickedly irreverent essays that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere. In these essays, Celia Rivenbark reviews the many oddities in stranger-than-fiction news story, chronicles her transition into the Twitter-sphere, and laments a missed opportunity to be a guest on a certain national talk show. These essays and many more are featured in You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl, available August 2011.

From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

Celia Rivenbark

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