Darlene Lancer

A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships. Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships—where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another—often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be. In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.

8 Steps to Freeing the True You

Conquering Shame and Codependency

How to Speak your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits

Your trusted guide to value yourself and break the patterns of codependency Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition is the most comprehensive book on the topic to date. Written in plain English and packed with sensitive, authoritative information, it describes the history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics of codependency. The majority of the book is devoted to healing and lays out a clear plan for recovery with exercises, practical advice, and daily reminders to help you know, honor, protect, and express yourself. New to this edition are chapters on working the Twelve Steps to recover from codependency and how therapists/coaches/nurses are affected by codependency. Codependence is primarily a learned behavior from our family of origin. Some cultures have it to a greater degree than others—some still see it as a normal way of living. Yet the costs of codependence can include distrust, faulty expectations, passive-aggressiveness, control, self-neglect, over-focus on others, manipulation, intimacy issues, and a slew of other harmful traits. Codependence causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans—not just women and loved ones of addicts. Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition offers authoritative and trusted guidance on ways to raise your self-esteem, detach and let go, set boundaries, recognize healthy vs. dysfunctional relationships, overcome guilt and resentment, and much more. Helps you break the pattern of conduct that keeps you in harmful relationships Provides trusted guidance to create healthy boundaries, coping skills, and expectations Offers advice for eliminating feelings of guilt, blame, and feeling overly responsible Explains the difference between care-giving and codependent care-taking If you're trapped in the cycle of codependency and looking for help, Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition offers trusted advice and a clear plan for recovery.

Codependency For Dummies

Presents an examination of the definition, causes, symptoms, and treatment of the disorder, together with assessment questionnaires, exercises, and advice on steps that can be taken to set boundaries and improve independence.

Do you feel trapped between your love and your pain, long for peace but feel exhausted, belittled, and confused by a narcissist? The core problem in relationships with narcissists is that they prioritize power and sacrifice the relationship to get it, while their partners prioritize the relationship and sacrifice themselves to keep it. Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist is unique among voices that exhort leaving a narcissist. It’s insightful, researched, and empathetic and offers hope and help for loved ones to restore their self-esteem and rebalance a narcissistic relationship. It includes Essential Tools for Staying or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships and provides an in-depth analysis of the relationship, how to make changes, and how to assess its prognosis. This workbook is packed with healing exercises and checklists to enlighten and motivate you. It suggests lists of actions, including a strategic, step-by-step plan with scripts to confront abuse and get your needs met. You will reclaim yourself and improve your relationship, whether the narcissist is your partner, parent, child, sibling, or co-worker or doesn’t have a narcissistic personality disorder. In sum, you will better your relationship with yourself and your loved one and be able to determine whether and how to leave the relationship. You will: Discover the diagnosis, type, and deep motivations of a narcissist Recognize the red flag when dating a narcissist and know what to do Identify narcissistic behavior and know how to handle it Understand your role and attraction to a narcissist Regain your autonomy and self-esteem Rebalance the power in the relationship Learn how to confront abuse effectively Be able to assess your relationship and be prepared to leave Chapter 1 examines a narcissistic personality disorder, the different types of narcissists, including narcissistic parents, and the cause and signs of narcissism. Chapter 2 focuses on the underlying features, behaviors, motivations, and traits. You will discover how to identify the type you’re dealing with, and why narcissists act the way they do. Chapter 3 explains narcissistic defenses and all varieties of narcissistic abuse because it’s imperative to spot even in most subtle forms of abuse. Chapters 4 and 5 look at the typical personality of people who love narcissists and what makes them susceptible to narcissists and abuse. This is where personal growth lies. The next four chapters center on the relationship, starting with the mutual attraction and the signs and problems that arise when dating and loving a narcissist. Chapters 6 and 7 cover issues such as control, intimacy, emotional unavailability, love-bombing, ghosting, and gaslighting. Chapter 7 explores how to determine whether a narcissist is even capable of love. If you’ve been repeatedly emotionally abandoned, you’ll learn the warning clues to prevent its recurrence. Chapters 8 and 9 are about taking action. Changing the balance of power is essential. A blueprint is laid out for you to follow in order to change the relationship dynamics. Chapter 9 details a step-by-step game plan to effectively communicate with the narcissist in your life and confront their defenses and subtle forms of emotional abuse. Scripts are suggested you can practice to set boundaries and ask for changes that you want. It also offers advice for navigating couples therapy. Chapters 10-12 discuss leaving your relationship and moving on. They examine why it’s so difficult, what to expect, such as trauma bonds, grief, and hoovering, plus provide practical advice regarding flying monkey and divorce tactics with strategies you can implement. Finally, as you make a fresh start, the stages of recovery are set forth along with valuable guidance and recommendations for creating a single life that may include dating and therapy.

Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships

Perfectionism can be a blessing or a curse. When it helps us, it lifts our mood, and we can achieve significant accomplishments. But perpetually seeking an illusion can have serious consequences. It can become a painful, inescapable trap. Its self-sabotaging side effects undermine our goals and creativity and spill over onto our co-workers and loved ones, damaging our relationships. At worse, it can be dehumanizing and compromise our ability to feel love and experience joy. Fortunately, it’s possible to beat perfectionism! Learn about types of perfectionists, both positive and negative, myths they hold, and how their relationships are affected. Other disorders are distinguished. Psychological, genetic, and environmental causes of perfectionism are explained with examples of symptoms, thoughts, and behaviors. Ten chapters provide steps and exercises to create change and find self-acceptance. Take a personality test and get parenting tips to avoid passing on perfectionism.

“I’m not Perfect – I’m only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism

Está preso no ciclo da codependência? Você não está só. Neste guia conceituado e perspicaz, você descobrirá os sintomas, as causas e a dinâmica da codependência em um relacionamento — e como tomar um rumo certeiro para a reabilitação. O melhor momento para quebrar os padrões da codependência e recuperar sua vida é agora.

Darlene Lancer

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