Dick Cody Heese

PLEASE READ: "Pride and Prejudice: But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God" is Dick Cody Heese's gravest injustice before the literary world. In this near-exact retelling of Jane Austen's classic 1813 novel, Heese adds one poorly-integrated sentence to each chapter inferring that Mr. Darcy possesses insanely bodacious vaping skills. The well-loved tale of various dinner invitations and ill-conceived marriage proposals takes no benefit from Mr. Heese's contributions. Fans of the original will loathe this derivative work entirely, and the author profusely apologizes to Ms. Austen and her estate for this indiscretion. Rightly banished to the annals of self-publishing by every major book distributor, the disreputable Dick Cody Heese is quickly descending into new, subterranean depths of awful parody with his latest writing. Heese has also written several other barely passable parodies, including "The Great Gatsby: But Nick has Scoliosis," "Moby Kevin," and "Frankenstein: But the Monster is Allergic to Gluten."

But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God

Pride and Prejudice

PLEASE READ: "The Great Gatsby: But Nick has Scoliosis" consists of one poorly integrated, sentence-long reference to Nick's scoliosis in each chapter. Literally, that's the only difference from the original Great Gatsby. I explain this in my videos but want to make sure that others who come across this page understand that. However, the minuscule references arguably add an immense depth of beauty to Fitzgerald's original work. Dick Cody Heese is the author of this bastardization of F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby." Through the addition of one minute, sentence-long throw-away reference to Nick Carraway's scoliosis per chapter, he reimagines the American classic to include the narrator being afflicted with a curved spinal structure. Nick's mild deformity does nothing to change the original plot of the novel in any capacity. Undoubtedly, F. Scott Fitzgerald's estate is ruing the release of their copyright into the public domain. Heese has also written several other barely passable parodies, including "Frankenstein: But the Monster is Allergic to Gluten," "Moby Kevin," and "Pride and Prejudice: But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God." His parents are very proud of him.

But Nick Has Scoliosis

The Great Gatsby

But the Monster Is Allergic to Gluten

Frankenstein

PLEASE READ: "Dracula: But the Count Runs Half Marathons" is an affront to classic literature and everyone who loves it. By adding a single sentence to every chapter of Bram Stoker's original novel, Dick Cody Heese fleshes out Count Dracula's backstory so that he runs moderate distances as a hobby. These changes have no effect on the plot, nor do they add any value to the reader's experience. However, they do imply that Count Dracula participates in various half marathons across Transylvania and Eastern Europe. Hard-working, talented authors everywhere are assuredly in agony over the publishing of this novel. Dick Cody Heese has also written several other barely passable parodies, including "The Great Gatsby: But Nick has Scoliosis," "Pride and Prejudice: But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God," and "The Communist Manifesto: But Tony Hawk Can Keep His Stuff."

But The Count Runs Half Marathons

Dracula

PLEASE READ: Widely loathed parody author Dick Cody Heese is responsible for this poorly-conceived spoof of Marx and Engels' "The Communist Manifesto." Written at the Hooters in Saugus, Massachusetts, in the span of 45 minutes, "The Communist Manifesto: But Tony Hawk Can Keep His Stuff" asks the question: What would change about the Communist Manifesto had Tony Hawk existed during the time of Marx and Engels? Heese's resounding conclusion is that the seminal document in political theory would have included exceptions allowing Tony Hawk to retain his private property in recognition of his gnarly skateboarding abilities and personable demeanor. In an act of parodic historical revisionism, Heese amends the Manifesto to include several sentence-long additions to each of its four parts to make this change on behalf of the original authors. In doing so, he saves Marx and Engels from becoming a casualty of their time given their inability to foresee the bodacious shredding a Californian skateboarder would accomplish nearly a century after their deaths. Heese has also written several other barely passable parodies, including "The Great Gatsby: But Nick has Scoliosis," "Moby-Kevin," and "Pride and Prejudice: But Mr. Darcy is a Vape God."

Dick Cody Heese

About

Books

Join the club