Gideon Defoe

Prisoners of Geography meets Bill Bryson: a funny, fascinating, beautifully illustrated - and timely - history of countries that, for myriad and often ludicrous reasons, no longer exist. "Countries are just daft stories we tell each other. They're all equally implausible once you get up close." Countries die. Sometimes it's murder, sometimes it's by accident, and sometimes it's because they were so ludicrous they didn't deserve to exist in the first place. Occasionally they explode violently. A few slip away almost unnoticed. Often the cause of death is either 'got too greedy' or 'Napoleon turned up'. Now and then they just hold a referendum and vote themselves out of existence. This is an atlas of 48 nations that fell off the map. The polite way of writing an obituary is: dwell on the good bits, gloss over the embarrassing stuff. This book refuses to do so, because these dead nations are so full of schemers, racists, and con men that it's impossible to skip the embarrassing stuff. Because of this - and because treating nation-states with too much reverence is the entire problem with pretty much everything - these accounts are not concerned with adding to the earnest flag saluting in the world, however nice some of the flags might be.

An Atlas of Extinct Countries

After mistakenly attacking Charles Darwin's Beagle while searching for a large pirate treasure, the Pirate Captain, world's most inept scoundrel, joins forces with the fledgling young scientist to save his brother from the evil Bishop of Oxford, in an outrageously zany debut novel. 15,000 first printing.

In an Adventure with Scientists

The Pirates!

After the Pirate Captain joins forces with a young scientist to save his brother from the evil Bishop of Oxford, he sets sail in a new ship on a quest to capture the Dastardly White Whale, hoping to gain the reward promised by Captain Ahab.

In an Adventure With Scientists and in an Adventure With Ahab

Mistaken for Karl Marx during a shopping expedition, the Pirate Captain sets out to discover if the controversial thinker has a beard that rivals his own, but when sinister forces try to frame Marx for a variety of crimes, the Captain and his crew become caught up in a series of adventures that bring them face to face with Friedrich Nietzsche and the scheming Richard Wagner. 30,000 first printing.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Communists

The Pirates are back! But this time they're in exile.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with Napoleon

1837: the Victorian Era approaches and the golden age of piracy draws to a close. Worried that his pirates are growing bored of roaring, running people through, and sitting about on tropical beaches, the Pirate Captain decides it's time they had an adventure. A chance encounter with the young Charles Darwin leads the Captain and his crew to the fog-filled streets of London, a grisly murder and a diabolical Bishop ...

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists

Pirati!

Išnykusių šalių žemėlapis

I've been thinking of an adventure more along the lines of pearl-smuggling in the South Seas or discovering a lost continent. We're being sponsored, you see, so it's got to be full of glamorous locations and scantily clad women. He's conquered the seven seas, hunted Moby Dick and rescued Charles Darwin; now the Pirate Captain and his crew are off on another adventure. Their mission this time: to sail to London, buy a new suit for the Pirate Captain and maybe have some sort of adventure in a barnyard. But nothing is ever straightforward for the hapless pirates. In no time at all, the Pirate Captain is incarcerated at Scotland Yard in a case of mistaken identity. Discovering that his doppelganger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot involving communists, enormous beards and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.

Reissued

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists

The Pirate Captain and his crew join forces with the romantic poets on a journey from Switzerland to the heart of eastern Europe.

The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics, Or Prometheus Versus a Terrible Fungus

Prisoners of Geography meets Bill Bryson: a funny, fascinating, beautifully illustrated – and timely – history of countries that, for myriad and often ludicrous reasons, no longer exist.

An Atlas of Extinct Countries: The Remarkable (and Occasionally Ridiculous) Stories of 48 Nations that Fell off the Map

From the author of The Pirates! In An Adventure with Scientists, now a major motion picture from Aardman Animations ad Sony Pictures

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Napoleon

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists Not since Moby-Dick...No, not since Treasure Island...Actually, not since Jonah and the Whale has there been a sea saga to rival The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists, featuring the greatest sea-faring hero of all time, the immortal Pirate Captain, who, although he lives for months at a time at sea, somehow manages to keep his beard silky and in good condition. Worried that his pirates are growing bored with a life of winking at pretty native ladies and trying to stick enough jellyfish together to make a bouncy castle, the Pirate Captain decides it's high time to spearhead an adventure. While searching for some major pirate booty, he mistakenly attacks the young Charles Darwin's Beagle and then leads his ragtag crew from the exotic Galapagos Islands to the fog-filled streets of Victorian London. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, radioactive elephants, and the Holy Ghost himself. And that's not even the half of it. The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab Fresh from their mishaps with Charles Darwin and the evil Bishop of Oxford, the Pirates set sail in a bouncy new vessel–purchased on credit. In order to repay his debts, The Pirate Captain is determined to capture the enigmatic White Whale, hunted by the notoriously moody Ahab, who has promised a reward. Chaos ensues, featuring the lascivious Cutlass Liz, the world’s most dangerous mosquito, an excerpt from the Pirate Captain’s novel in progress (a bodice ripper, of course), whale ventriloquism, practical lessons in whale painting, a shanty-singing contest in a Las Vegas casino, and a dramatic climax in which the Pirate Captain’s Prize Ham saves the day! Move over, Herman Melville.

An Adventure with Scientists & An Adventure with Ahab

Set in the world of bestselling computer game ELITE, and launched to tie in with the latest version, ELITE: DANGEROUS - a game almost 20 years in the making. One of three very distinct - but subtly linked - novels written by major authors who are fans of the game, this novel will be a must-buy not only the 25,000+ people who funded the new game on kickstarter, but also for all of those fans of the original game. On what might be the worst planet in the universe, a young man dreams of the stars. Adventure! Lasers! Women! And the ultimate goal - to become Elite! Unfortunately, Misha has to do his chores first. And learn how to talk to Phoebe, the beautiful customs officer. And leave the planet. But the death of a famous author unexpectedly drags Misha and Phoebe into a system-wide conspiracy, complete with smuggling, international art thieves, multi-system corporations, canapés and exploding pigs. This is Misha's chance to prove he has what it takes! After all, surely anyone can be Elite if they dream...

Elite Dangerous: Docking is Difficult

It is 1837, and for the luxuriantly bearded Pirate Captain and his rag-tag piratecrew, life on the high seas has gotten a little dull. With nothing to do but twiddle their hooks and lounge aimlessly on tropical beaches, the Captain decides it' s time they had an adventure. A surprisingly successful boat raid leads them to the young Charles Darwin, in desperate need of their help. And so the pirates set forth for London in a bid to save the scientist from the evil machinations of a diabolical Bishop. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, the Elephant Man - and have an exciting trip to the zoo.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

It's come to my attention that the old girl's a little bit past her best. And I can hardly maintain my reputation as a terror of the high seas with bits falling off the boat all the time, can I? The Pirate Captain is in trouble. Eager to appease his crew with a boat that has a functioning mast, fewer holes and cannons that actually fire, he splashes out on the fancy new Lovely Emma, spending six thousand doubloons he doesn't have. Finding themselves in debt to the beautiful but deadly Cutlass Liz - or the Butcher of Barbados, as she's otherwise known - the pirates need to raise some money fast. In a desperate race against time, our heroes embark on an adventure that will take them from the shores of Nantucket to the bright lights of Las Vegas, to the ends of the earth in search of a mythical white whale, and even, perhaps, into the dark depths of madness. But hopefully they'll be home in time for tea.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Moby Dick

It's come to my attention that the old girl's a little bit past her best. And I can hardly maintain my reputation as a terror of the high seas with bits falling off the boat all the time, can I? The Pirate Captain is in trouble. Eager to appease his crew with a boat that has a functioning mast, fewer holes and cannons that actually fire, he splashes out on the fancy new Lovely Emma, spending six thousand doubloons he doesn't have. Finding themselves in debt to the beautiful but deadly Cutlass Liz - or the butcher of Barbados, as she's otherwise known - the pirates need to raise some money fast. In a desperate race against time our heroes embark on an adventure that will take them from the shores of Nantucket to the bright lights of Las Vegas, to the ends of the earth in search of a mythical white whale, and even, perhaps, into the dark depths of madness. But hopefully they'll be home in time for tea.

Countries die. Sometimes it's murder, sometimes it's by accident, and sometimes it's because they had such a ludicrous start in life they didn't really deserve to exist in the first place. In this alternative history of the world, discover new countries and far-off places you never knew existed (and now definitely don't). A minor clerical error inadvertently creates an anarchist utopia and embarrasses a Pope. The self-proclaimed younger brother of Jesus declares independence from China and starts one of history's bloodiest civil wars. A republic is formed to dodge a tax on lemons. Scotland wrongly decides it's a great idea to colonise Panama. These are the obituaries of places that fell off the map. Complete with striking and immersive illustrations, explore the world's deceased nations, both famous and forgotten, whilst also judging important academic issues such as 'how much effort put into flag design' and 'catchiness of national anthem'. The unlikely and unusual stories of these annihilated nations offers a new perspective on global history and the state of the world today.

Gideon Defoe

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