Anita Serwacki

Chris Pauls

Joe Garden

Scott Sherman

Janet Ginsburg

Explains how to reclaim one's devious feline nature, in a parody that covers everything from how to lay claim to a cardboard box, to how to exacerbate allergy sufferers, and why all new furniture must be destroyed.

A Parody

The Devious Book for Cats

Being turned into a vampire is the easy part. Actually becoming a vampire is far more difficult. In today’s world of vampire-obsessed pop culture, misinformation abounds. A newly turned vampire who looks to movies and novels for answers to everlasting life’s questions will inevitably be reduced to a smoldering pile of dust. So whom can you, a neophyte immortal, trust to provide reliable information and proven strategies for leading your best and bloodiest existence? The Vampire Miles Proctor, editor of The New Vampire’s Handbook. In this definitive guide, the newly turned will find • a head-to-toe look at your vampiric body: how to harness your new powers to dispatch mortal enemies, maintain your fangs, and embrace your vampirosexuality • methods for luring prey, faking your way through meals, approaching other vampires, and creating a four-hundred-year financial plan • tips on acting your “age,” behaving appropriately if you see a human you knew decades ago, and dealing with epic vampire feuds • essential advice for blending in with the masses, from finding a coven to avoiding the media (and mirrors) to staying on top of the latest fashion trends • the joy of scrapbooking Plus helpful online resources, a glyph guide, renovation instructions for emergency lairs, a Ruling Families directory, nightly mantras, and personal anecdotes from The Vampire Miles Proctor’s nearly five hundred years of experience. Welcome to the night.

Janet Ginsburg

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