Joseph J. Bailey

Continually harried by agents of Darkness, their quest to restore the fourteen seals ensuring Ea’ae’s safety from extradimensional incursion not yet complete, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, and Slate race against the Cabal to secure their world’s future. With little hope for success, unable to strike directly against the Cabal, the Four must find a way to halt the Shadow’s advance forever. Lords of Light is the third and final book of the Chronicles of the Fists, an epic fantasy trilogy recounting Yip and his allies’ adventures to bring hope to a world gripped by despair.

Ascension of the Four, A Martial Arts Fantasy

Lords of Light

Orc on Vacation

Grak

No one should ever come between a man's family and his guns. Not if they want to live. Not even a dragon. Especially when those guns belonged to a spellslinger. The dragon who had killed his brother had a death wish. Koren D'uene was a ja'lel, a gun knight, and his was the job of granting wishes. His guns spoke and the world listened. Spellslinger is a Wild West-inspired fantasy novel of roughly 40,000 words.

Legends of the Wild, Weird West

Spellslinger

Kensaro Hatanu’s soul was born the day his master handed him his first sword. Except Kensaro’s master did not hand him a sword to walk the path of the otana hanji, the sword saints of legend. His teacher handed Kensaro a broom. A broom to clean the monastery. While the other martial ascetics of Guai Lu practiced their physical and spiritual disciplines, Kensaro swept, mopped, and dusted, imagining he was slaying monsters, saving villagers, and meting out justice. Until the demons came and his broom was called to action. Master of the Flying Broom is a wuxia and xianxia-inspired noblebright martial arts fantasy of roughly 90,000 words.

Sword Saint in Training

Master of the Flying Broom

The Complete Series

Grak - Orc PI

Tales of the Fallen

Some say the world will end in fire and ash, others frost and ice, still others dust and dissolution. I say it will end in tentacles. Lots of tentacles. Tags/Related Terms: B movie, camp, sci-fi, cult classic, apocalypse, gore, blood, death, grindhouse, low-budget, beach, creature feature, humor, trash, sea monsters, horror predator, mutant, octopus, squid, kraken, fantasy, marine animals, terror, radioactive, experiment, accident, maneater, extravaganza, scream fest, bailey, joseph bailey, joseph j bailey, joseph j. bailey, parody, deep sea, ocean, suspense, funny, fun, humor, horror, thriller, suspense, animals, adventure, action, action adventure, death, american, california, sea, adult, america, modern fiction, monsters, 21st century fiction, american author, animal, english, general fiction, science fiction, sf, small town, summer, storm, cephalostorm, octocopter, jet squid, rocktopus, camoctopus, action/adventure, action adventure, adventure fiction, american fiction, american literature, animal fiction, fantasy, horror fiction, hunting, marine animals, maritime, mystery, nature, pulp, quest, scary, sea monsters, social criticism, social commentary, environment, environmental, military, summer holidays, tentacles, terror, underwater, water, shoreline, young adult, young adult fiction, social development, pollution, mutation, destruction, katana, katanas, sushi, cephalopod, cephalopods, deadly, killer, invasion, sff, sf, gory, fantasy fiction, machete, police, national guard, emergency, satire, biology, Armageddon, combat, conflict, speculative fiction, juvenile fiction, fantastic fiction, scary, dystopia, dystopian, short story, novella

Octopocalypse

Word and Deed

Stone Singer

Water and Stone

Wild Mage

Yip Chi Chuan, a young martial and spiritual ascetic, must flee as the only home he has ever known, the ancient monastery of the Priests of K'un Lun, is destroyed by a newly ascendant extradimensional evil. Cast out and alone, Yip strikes out on a quest spanning the breadth of his home world of Ea'ae and into the greater macroverse beyond in an attempt to unseat an all-consuming Darkness rooted in his once vaunted order's distant past. Will Yip, the last of his kind to walk the wide world beyond his fallen sanctuary, succeed where his mighty brethren failed in ages past? Unfortunately for Yip, the answer appears all too clear... Without the guidance and teachings of his lineage, pursued by malevolent supernatural agents of the Cabal, unable to fully defend himself in a world steeped in magic, his quest may fail before it ever begins. Unfazed by his limitations, guided by his inner vision and direct experience of the energies of life, the radiant chi suffusing and enlivening the world all around, he is determined to triumph where others have faltered. To win forward, he will need help...but first he must survive. A blend of Western fantasy and Eastern martial arts and mysticism, the Chronicles of the Fists is an epic trilogy recounting Yip's adventures against all odds. Edited by Ashley Davis, Priestess of K'un Lun Tags/Related Terms: Coming of age, young adult, ya, trade, fantasy, sff, sf, sf, asian, japan, china, science fiction, magic, martial arts, meditation, religion, war, adventure, alternate history, ancient text, chinese, doctrine, doctrine, gardens, government, hierarchy, hierarchy, high fantasy, invasion, love, martial, mmpb, modern fantasy, morality, mysticism, oriental, philosophical, political, power, religious orders, speculative, speculative fiction, strategy, temple, Shadow's Rise, Shadow's Descent, Lords of Light, Chronicles of the Fists, Joseph J. Bailey, chi, qi, magic, qigong, chi kung, chi gung, fantasy, sorcery, action, adventure, epic, book, books, epic fantasy, high fantasy, sword and sorcery, martial arts, wuxia, internal alchemy, meditation, haiku, ebook, ebooks, writing, writer, author, authors, novel, novels, trilogy, series, magical, humor, satire, nerd, nerds, rpg, rpg's, wizard, wizards, warrior, warriors, evil, geek, self-help, sorcery, mage, mages, fantasy, tropes, memes, roleplaying, sword, swords, comedy, magic, magical, jest, joke, elf, elves, elfs, elven, elfin, fey, mmo, mmorpg, d&d, dragons, dragon, Dwarf, Dwarfs, Dwarves, Dwarven, hero heroes, heros, villain, villains, fun, Gnome, Gnomes, Gnomish, guide, guides, manual, manuals, technowizard, technowizardry, Paratechnology, tinker, tinkering, steampunk, science, clockwork, technology, technological, metaphysical, metaphysics, metaphysicist, monk, monks, kung fu, wu shu, karate, poetry, knight, knights, arcane, divine, abyss, Cabal, tao, Taoism, zen, Buddhism, shaolin, asia, Asian, spell, quest, adventure, mystic, master, alchemy, neigong, nei kung, neigung, nae gong, demon, daemon, shadow, shadows, void, peace, enlighten, enlightenment, realization, kensho, satori, insight, shikanataza, koan, haiku, fiction, literature, novel, novella, paladin, light, holy, holy sword, Light, Indural, Yeren, Dracodaeran, Dracodin, K'un Lun, Priest, Priests, Priest of K'un Lun, Maeth Onai, fang shi, Bor'Banna, Darkness, Tides of Darkness, Return of the Cabal, Ascension of the Four, Ea'ae, seal, seals, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, beard, mustache, tome, treatise, Fists, Flaming Fists, Four, the Four, the Fists, faerviage, airship, gate, portal, Tellanon, Illdrassil, yuan qi, yuan-chi, yuan chi, celestial, celestial qi, life, energy of life, one light, ka, dalaren ka, Joe Bailey, Joseph Bailey, Joseph J. Bailey

Chronicles of the Fists

Heaven has fallen. The legions of Chaos have overrun the world. Uërth is in ruins. With the Heavenly Host's fall, Angel Swords rained from the heavens, littering the world in what was. Only the most honorable and purest of heart are able to take up the Angel Swords and wield them against the throngs of Chaos. These mighty Empyrean Knights are all that stands between Uërth and annihilation. Soul Stealer Saedeus is neither pure of heart nor honorable. Nor does he wish to wield an Angel Sword. He just wants to be left alone with his mushrooms. And his pet rock. But he might not have a choice. When he inadvertently takes the soul of a dying Empyrean Knight into himself, his world, and his obligations, grow forever larger. With the help of his pet rock, the spirit of a heavenly knight, and the sword of a fallen angel, he might be able to make all the difference. If he doesn't die first. Wild Mage Maeraeth is neither a hero nor a great warrior. Nor does he wish to become an Empyrean Knight. He just wants to be left alone with his studies. And not be killed by demons. But, with the destruction of the Chaos Gate, Uërth may have a chance at redemption. If the hordes of Chaos can be contained and if no more portals to the Abyss are created. Maeraeth's teacher, Master Nomba, has other plans for him. Plans that involve both containing demons and preventing their arrival. So much for his studies. And not being killed by demons. Stone Singer Born in a secret enclave safe from demonic depredations, Ilya has Chosen. She has Chosen to leave her life of security for one on Uërth, despite all its risks. Armed only with her Voice, a runic staff, and her training as a Singer, she must venture out into the desolation after the Fall. Now she just has to survive long enough to make that Choice worthwhile. And make a difference wherever she is able. In spite of finding herself in a world overrun by demons.

The Complete Trilogy

Legacy of the Blade

The city of Alyon is in trouble. Its citizens are turning into monsters. Not the good kind of monsters—terrifying, bloodthirsty, flesh-rending, citizen-killing monsters. When Grak’s favorite barkeep tells him that he will get a lifetime supply of free alcohol if he can figure out why the bar’s patrons are disappearing, Grak is on the case! Grak – Private Instigator is a supernatural detective fantasy novel of roughly 50,000 words.

Private Instigator

Note: 2nd edition. Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Post-Technological Metamagician Are you a Gnome? Do you want to be one? Do you know what one is? Do you have magical, technical, or any other talent whatsoever? (1) Do you pine after a non-holographic Omnicron, make design sketches of transmorphic actionable multidimensional exo-robotic systems, create novel subroutines for synthetic intelligences, tinker with Dwarf-proof beard mowers, imagine a grand unified theory of life, the universe, and facial hair, or take apart and modify negentropy cannons for fun and amusement? Do you like root vegetables? If you answered yes to one of these questions (2), then you may have what it takes to be a Paratechnologist, a wondrous master of the uniquely Gnomish art of blending magic and technology! Within this concise guide you will find answers to many of the questions you do not have about becoming a Paratechnologist. (3) With enlightening topics including Two Wrongs Often Make a Right, What Doesn't Kill You Can Also Maim, Destroy, and Disfigure, Moving Beyond Clockwork Devices, and How to Avoid Mustache Entanglement, Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology has more information than you care to know about Paratechnology. (4) If, on the absolutely slim chance you are interested in Gnomish technowizardry (5), then Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology will be your easily disposed of indispensible guide to embarking upon the often smoldering, explosive, nonsensical, and somewhat erratic path of the Paratechnologist. Notes to self (and others): 1. Real or imagined. 2. Or any other. 3. Who would? 4. Assuming you actually cared about Paratechnology in the first place. 5. Or are interested in making fun of those who are. From the AuthorThe EA'AE books are guides one might happen upon within the larger multiverse created in the Chronicles of the Fists trilogy... fantasy books giving farcical advice for professions that don't exist (even if we may want for them to... or not). Tags/Related Terms: fantasy, humor, humour, humour, satire, comedy, magic, wizards, sff, science fiction, science fiction, sci-fi, parody, sf, comic fantasy, english, funny, funny, fantasy fiction, fantasy fiction, speculative fiction, comics, tourism, adventure, dragons, american literature, humorous, mmpb, british humor, adult, american authors, death, english literature, gods, humorous fantasy, alternate reality, ya, american fiction, comedic fantasy, fantasy series, humorous fiction, other worlds, pastiche, young adult, alternate universe, contemporary, fantastical, fantasy humor, heroes, magie, mage, parodie, parody, science fantasy, silly, supernatural, sword and sorcery, trolls, trolls, witches, alternate worlds, contemporary fiction, contemporary literature, epic, fate, high fantasy, hilarious, modern fantasy, modern fiction, monsters, mythology, other world, puns, sf/f/h, spoof, stories, 21st century literature, 21st century literature, absurdity, adventures, archetypes, barbarians, brain candy, challenges, children's literature, clever, clowns, collectible, comedic, comic fiction, commentary, companion, computers, cosmology, crazy, creative, d&d, data, debut, demons, daemon, daemons, dwarves, elves, evolution, fairy tales, farce, friendship, genre, genre fiction, gnomes, god, gold, gothic, highly recommended, humorous stories, irony, journey, language, light, mages, magicians, magick, myth, orc, orcs, paranormal, priest, print, saga, sarcasm, satirical, series fiction, ships, short stories, smart, snark, social commentary, social satire, speculative, sword, teen, undead, weird, wired, wizardry, young adult fiction, zombies, ea’ae, chronicles of the fists, Paratechnology, metaphysical, knight, clockwork, steampunk, technowozard, technowizardry, novella, paladin, light, holy, holy sword, Light, Indural, Yeren, Dracodaeran, Dracodin, K’un Lun, Priest, Priests, Priest of K’un Lun, Maeth Onai, fang shi, Bor’Banna, Darkness, Tides of Darkness, Return of the Cabal, Ascension of the Four, Ea’ae, seal, seals, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, beard, mustache, tome, treatise, Fists, Flaming Fists, Four, the Four, the Fists, faerviage, airship, gate, portal, Tellanon, Illdrassil, yuan qi, yuan-chi, yuan chi, celestial, celestial qi, chi, life, energy of life, one light, ka, dalaren ka, geek, self-help, treatise, tome, guide, superhero, super hero, tropes, rpg, roleplaying, supervillain, supervillains, villain, villains, fun, laughs, tinker, tinkering, science, clockwork, technology, technological, metaphysical, metaphysics, metaphysicist, monk, monks, arcane, divine, abyss, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, Mulogo, Saedeus, Urdaen, treasure, Cabal, Shadow's Rise, Shadow's Descent, Lords of Light, Joe Bailey, Joseph Bailey, Joseph J. Bailey, Mulogo’s Treatise on Wizardry, Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology, Nemesis, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf

Your Essential Resource to Surviving Explosions, Avoiding Mustache Tangles, Moving Beyond Basic Clockwork Devices, & Advancing As a Master of Metamagical Pursuits

Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology

Arcwhistle Goldpulley has everything a gnome technowizard could want and more. He’s just successfully defended his after-post-thesis on harnessing the metamagical residuals of energetic creation and destruction, along with a dramatic demonstration of an application of his theory, one which only blew up two learning halls on campus, and completed his formal education as a master archmage. He is a successful Paratechnologist, a gnomish master of blending magic and science, often to explosive effect. He has developed and licensed many significant inventions ranging from autonomous eyebrow trimmers to anti-light anti-sunglasses. He has contributed significantly to several branches of metamagical thought and theory and continues to do so. He is, in short, a gnome who has it all. But, after graduating with honors for more times than he cares to count from TINKER, the Tellanon Institute of Noetic Knowledge, Education, and Research, Arcwhistle is faced with a problem, one which has no easy answer. What is he going to do with the rest of his life? How is he going live a life with meaning outside school? What is he to do beyond his lab and his research? Where’s the spark? That is until he discovers a new opportunity... the life of a secret agent gnome. Armed with his Paratechnological skills and a not-so-secret identity, can Arcwhistle thwart the efforts of ANGST, a group gnome terrorists Abyss-bent on spreading universal entropy, before they destroy Tellanon, the seat of Paratechnological society, undermine gnomish civilization, and ruin dessert for everyone? Gnomeggedon is a quirky humorous high fantasy story set in the larger Ea’ae macroverse. No gnomes were harmed in the writing of this book.

The Adventures of an Untried Gnome

Gnomegeddon

Some heroes are born, others are made, but the greatest heroes are unlikely...and they know it. Unlikely Heroes gathers a few of these heroes' tales in one impossible volume: Master of the Flying Broom While the other martial ascetics of Guai Lu practiced their physical and spiritual disciplines, Kensaro swept, mopped, and dusted, imagining he was slaying monsters, saving villagers, and meting out justice. Until the demons came and his broom was called to action. Demon Hunter Chet has a problem. A few of them in fact. He’s been kicked out of his order of holy knights. He’s depressed, he’s let himself go, and he has something of an inferiority complex. Can Chet pick himself up off the couch long enough to do what other demon hunters can’t and save his order? Only time, and lots of pizza, will tell. Gnomegeddon After graduating with his after-post-archmagus degree, Arcwhistle Goldpulley has everything a gnome technowizard could want and more...except some excitement. That is until he discovers a new opportunity...the life of a secret agent gnome. True heroes make the seemingly impossible possible. No matter how unlikely.

Unlikely Heroes

The Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere series provides a range of proven (1) advice for professions that don't exist. (2) This complete edition includes all four novellas in the Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere tetralogy. Included are: Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: Mulogo's Treatise provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order). (4) Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology: Within this concise guide you will find answers to many of the questions you do not have about becoming a Paratechnologist (5), a wondrous master of the uniquely Gnomish art of blending magic and technology! Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys: Nemesis provides a wealth of information you do not wish to know on becoming a villain and succeeding in the kingdom of evil. (6) Confessions of an Angry Dwarf: If you have ever wanted to explore the inner workings of the Dwarven psyche (8), then Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your gateway to a world probably better left unvisited. Adventurer's Notes: 1. Until disproven. 2. No matter how much you may want for them to be real. (3) 3. Which should in no way limit your enjoyment of them. 4. Thankfully, the guide applies equally well when your enemies could care less about taking your stuff. 5. Who would? 6. If you have ever been frustrated by the decision-making of villains in literature or film, then this is the guide for you. (7) 7. Unless, of course, it isn't. 8. Brave soul that you are. From the AuthorThe EA'AE books are guides one might happen upon within the larger multiverse created in the Chronicles of the Fists trilogy... fantasy books giving farcical advice for professions that don't exist. Also, they have footnotes. Lots of footnotes. Tags/Related Terms: fantasy, humor, humour, humour, satire, comedy, magic, wizards, sff, science fiction, science fiction, sci-fi, parody, sf, comic fantasy, english, funny, funny, fantasy fiction, fantasy fiction, speculative fiction, comics, tourism, adventure, dragons, american literature, humorous, mmpb, british humor, adult, american authors, death, english literature, gods, humorous fantasy, alternate reality, ya, american fiction, comedic fantasy, fantasy series, humorous fiction, other worlds, pastiche, young adult, alternate universe, contemporary, fantastical, fantasy humor, heroes, magie, mage, parodie, parody, science fantasy, silly, supernatural, sword and sorcery, trolls, trolls, witches, alternate worlds, contemporary fiction, contemporary literature, epic, fate, high fantasy, hilarious, modern fantasy, modern fiction, monsters, mythology, other world, puns, sf/f/h, spoof, stories, 21st century literature, 21st century literature, absurdity, adventures, archetypes, barbarians, brain candy, challenges, children's literature, clever, clowns, collectible, comedic, comic fiction, commentary, companion, computers, cosmology, crazy, creative, d&d, data, debut, demons, daemon, daemons, dwarves, elves, evolution, fairy tales, farce, friendship, genre, genre fiction, gnomes, god, gold, gothic, highly recommended, humorous stories, irony, journey, language, light, mages, magicians, magick, myth, orc, orcs, paranormal, priest, print, saga, sarcasm, satirical, series fiction, ships, short stories, smart, snark, social commentary, social satire, speculative, sword, teen, undead, weird, wired, wizardry, young adult fiction, zombies, ea’ae, chronicles of the fists, Paratechnology, metaphysical, knight, clockwork, steampunk, technowozard, technowizardry, novella, paladin, light, holy, holy sword, Light, Indural, Yeren, Dracodaeran, Dracodin, K’un Lun, Priest, Priests, Priest of K’un Lun, Maeth Onai, fang shi, Bor’Banna, Darkness, Tides of Darkness, Return of the Cabal, Ascension of the Four, Ea’ae, seal, seals, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, beard, mustache, tome, treatise, Fists, Flaming Fists, Four, the Four, the Fists, faerviage, airship, gate, portal, Tellanon, Illdrassil, yuan qi, yuan-chi, yuan chi, celestial, celestial qi, chi, life, energy of life, one light, ka, dalaren ka, geek, self-help, treatise, tome, guide, superhero, super hero, tropes, rpg, roleplaying, supervillain, supervillains, villain, villains, fun, laughs, tinker, tinkering, science, clockwork, technology, technological, metaphysical, metaphysics, metaphysicist, monk, monks, arcane, divine, abyss, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, Mulogo, Saedeus, Urdaen, treasure, Cabal, Shadow's Rise, Shadow's Descent, Lords of Light, Joe Bailey, Joseph Bailey, Joseph J. Bailey, Mulogo’s Treatise on Wizardry, Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology, Nemesis, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf

Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere

Note: 2nd edition. Professionally edited by David "Blazing Beard" Gatewood, Thane of the Stonescribe clan Just because you're short, crotchety, seldom bathe, like to drink, and have a beard doesn't make you a Dwarf. (1) To see how much you differ from the typical (2) Dwarf, you have but to read Confessions of an Angry Dwarf. If you still think you're a Dwarf after reading this concise guide to Dwarfdom, then you will not be the only one full of surprise. Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will correct (3) any (4) misperceptions you may have about the ancient and noble traditions of Dwarfdom. If you're a bit more certain about your identity but have ever wanted to explore the inner workings of the Dwarven psyche (5,6), then Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your gateway to a world probably better left unvisited. With enlightening chapters such as All that Glimmers Might be Gold, Allies and Whether ta Tolerate 'Em, When NOT ta Wear Full Plate, Tha Fine Art o' Belchin', Grabbin' tha Dragon by tha Horns, When Yer Beard Catches Fire, On Learnin' ta Growl, One Good Thumpin' Deserves Another and On Never Conformin' ta Expectation, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf delivers a veritable treasure trove of almost useful information on realizing one's potential as a Dwarf. If, on the assuredly remote possibility you still maintain some interest in Dwarves, thenConfessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your irrefutably refutable guide to Dwarfdom and Dwarven endeavor. (7) Observations from a talking axe: 1. These qualities will generally draw comparisons to things other than Dwarves. 2. Or atypical in the case of Urdaen"Flamebeard" Doomhammer. 3. More likely further. 4. Or many. 5. Such as it is. 6. Brave soul that you are. 7. Now go grab your axe, don your armor, and start reading! From the Author The EA'AE books are guides one might happen upon within the larger multiverse created in the Chronicles of the Fists trilogy... fantasy books giving farcical advice for professions that don't exist (even if we may want for them to... or not). Tags/Related Terms: fantasy, humor, humour, humour, satire, comedy, magic, wizards, sff, science fiction, science fiction, sci-fi, parody, sf, comic fantasy, english, funny, funny, fantasy fiction, fantasy fiction, speculative fiction, comics, tourism, adventure, dragons, american literature, humorous, mmpb, british humor, adult, american authors, death, english literature, gods, humorous fantasy, alternate reality, ya, american fiction, comedic fantasy, fantasy series, humorous fiction, other worlds, pastiche, young adult, alternate universe, contemporary, fantastical, fantasy humor, heroes, magie, mage, parodie, parody, science fantasy, silly, supernatural, sword and sorcery, trolls, trolls, witches, alternate worlds, contemporary fiction, contemporary literature, epic, fate, high fantasy, hilarious, modern fantasy, modern fiction, monsters, mythology, other world, puns, sf/f/h, spoof, stories, 21st century literature, 21st century literature, absurdity, adventures, archetypes, barbarians, brain candy, challenges, children's literature, clever, clowns, collectible, comedic, comic fiction, commentary, companion, computers, cosmology, crazy, creative, d&d, data, debut, demons, daemon, daemons, dwarves, elves, evolution, fairy tales, farce, friendship, genre, genre fiction, gnomes, god, gold, gothic, highly recommended, humorous stories, irony, journey, language, light, mages, magicians, magick, myth, orc, orcs, paranormal, priest, print, saga, sarcasm, satirical, series fiction, ships, short stories, smart, snark, social commentary, social satire, speculative, sword, teen, undead, weird, wired, wizardry, young adult fiction, zombies, ea’ae, chronicles of the fists, Paratechnology, metaphysical, knight, clockwork, steampunk, technowozard, technowizardry, novella, paladin, light, holy, holy sword, Light, Indural, Yeren, Dracodaeran, Dracodin, K’un Lun, Priest, Priests, Priest of K’un Lun, Maeth Onai, fang shi, Bor’Banna, Darkness, Tides of Darkness, Return of the Cabal, Ascension of the Four, Ea’ae, seal, seals, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, beard, mustache, tome, treatise, Fists, Flaming Fists, Four, the Four, the Fists, faerviage, airship, gate, portal, Tellanon, Illdrassil, yuan qi, yuan-chi, yuan chi, celestial, celestial qi, chi, life, energy of life, one light, ka, dalaren ka, geek, self-help, treatise, tome, guide, superhero, super hero, tropes, rpg, roleplaying, supervillain, supervillains, villain, villains, fun, laughs, tinker, tinkering, science, clockwork, technology, technological, metaphysical, metaphysics, metaphysicist, monk, monks, arcane, divine, abyss, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, Mulogo, Saedeus, Urdaen, treasure, Cabal, Shadow's Rise, Shadow's Descent, Lords of Light, Joe Bailey, Joseph Bailey, Joseph J. Bailey, Mulogo’s Treatise on Wizardry, Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology, Nemesis, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf

A Dwarven Guide to Dwarfdom

Confessions of an Angry Dwarf

Note: 2nd edition. Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Archmage So you want to be a wizard? You know being a wizard is not all quests filled with high adventure, finding priceless treasure, warm adulation and reward, and uncovering newfound knowledge? You really want to be ensorcelled by fell magics, accosted by boisterous knights, enchanted by hostile magicians, waylaid by villainous rogues, attacked by creatures from the nether realms, cursed by dread warlocks, and worse? And those on some of your better days? Seriously? Are you crazy? If you are (crazy, not serious... serious is optional), then Mulogo is the wizard for you and Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is the guide you'll live by! Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order). With varied subject topics including Allies and Whether to Buy Them, On Reducing Risk (and Capitalizing on the Failure of Others), Protecting Yourself From Yourself, How to Minimize the Curiosity of Others, and When Griffins Attack, Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry will allow you to thrive... but first you have to survive. Hopefully you'll enjoy a few laughs along the way. (1) Scribe's Notes: 1. Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is a largely farcical text making light of wizardly conventions within the larger fantasy, gaming, and roleplaying traditions, assorted related communities and offshoots, memes, and various cultural derivatives. (2) 2. If you do not like satire, or laughing, this book is not for you. (3) 3. Perhaps a more exciting tome--such as Navel Lint, Its Permutations and Harvesting--would be more to your liking. (4) 4. Mulogo does not condone laughing. ==================================================== Praise for Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: "Luckily, I happened upon Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry early on in my tutelage while perusing my Master's library. The Treatise remains to this day one of the most influential and formative works on my development and outlook as a magician. Mulogo's insights helped me survive my grueling training with a fell god and become the Priest I am today." - Wrindanneth the Red, erstwhile Priest of Maeth Onai, member of the Fists "I avoided Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry like the plague during my training, as its perspective is entirely unlike my own. It had no influence on my profession or progression. I have little need or interest in being like either Mulogo or Wrindanneth." - Aroganji, Fang Shih of Chang Sen, member of the Fists "I never heard o' Mulogo's Treatise til Wrindanneth showed it ta me. I have no need fer a manual on trimmin' my nose hairs. They help support my beard." - Slate Flintforge, Dwarven Bor'Banna, Brewmaster, Eater of Leftovers, and member of the Fists "I could never make it past the subtitles." - Hoyt, Proprietor of Hoyt's - Oddities, Found Goods, and Sundries, wizard of TellanonFrom the AuthorThe EA'AE books are guides one might happen upon within the larger multiverse created in the Chronicles of the Fists trilogy... fantasy books giving farcical advice for professions that don't exist (even if we may want for them to... or not). Tags/Related Terms: fantasy, humor, humour, humour, satire, comedy, magic, wizards, sff, science fiction, science fiction, sci-fi, parody, sf, comic fantasy, english, funny, funny, fantasy fiction, fantasy fiction, speculative fiction, comics, tourism, adventure, dragons, american literature, humorous, mmpb, british humor, adult, american authors, death, english literature, gods, humorous fantasy, alternate reality, ya, american fiction, comedic fantasy, fantasy series, humorous fiction, other worlds, pastiche, young adult, alternate universe, contemporary, fantastical, fantasy humor, heroes, magie, mage, parodie, parody, science fantasy, silly, supernatural, sword and sorcery, trolls, trolls, witches, alternate worlds, contemporary fiction, contemporary literature, epic, fate, high fantasy, hilarious, modern fantasy, modern fiction, monsters, mythology, other world, puns, sf/f/h, spoof, stories, 21st century literature, 21st century literature, absurdity, adventures, archetypes, barbarians, brain candy, challenges, children's literature, clever, clowns, collectible, comedic, comic fiction, commentary, companion, computers, cosmology, crazy, creative, d&d, data, debut, demons, daemon, daemons, dwarves, elves, evolution, fairy tales, farce, friendship, genre, genre fiction, gnomes, god, gold, gothic, highly recommended, humorous stories, irony, journey, language, light, mages, magicians, magick, myth, orc, orcs, paranormal, priest, print, saga, sarcasm, satirical, series fiction, ships, short stories, smart, snark, social commentary, social satire, speculative, sword, teen, undead, weird, wired, wizardry, young adult fiction, zombies, ea’ae, chronicles of the fists, Paratechnology, metaphysical, knight, clockwork, steampunk, technowozard, technowizardry, novella, paladin, light, holy, holy sword, Light, Indural, Yeren, Dracodaeran, Dracodin, K’un Lun, Priest, Priests, Priest of K’un Lun, Maeth Onai, fang shi, Bor’Banna, Darkness, Tides of Darkness, Return of the Cabal, Ascension of the Four, Ea’ae, seal, seals, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, beard, mustache, tome, treatise, Fists, Flaming Fists, Four, the Four, the Fists, faerviage, airship, gate, portal, Tellanon, Illdrassil, yuan qi, yuan-chi, yuan chi, celestial, celestial qi, chi, life, energy of life, one light, ka, dalaren ka, geek, self-help, treatise, tome, guide, superhero, super hero, tropes, rpg, roleplaying, supervillain, supervillains, villain, villains, fun, laughs, tinker, tinkering, science, clockwork, technology, technological, metaphysical, metaphysics, metaphysicist, monk, monks, arcane, divine, abyss, extraplanar, planes, dimensions, extradimensional, supernatural, supramundane, Yip, Aroganji, Wrindanneth, Slate, Spreesprocket, Mulogo, Saedeus, Urdaen, treasure, Cabal, Shadow's Rise, Shadow's Descent, Lords of Light, Joe Bailey, Joseph Bailey, Joseph J. Bailey, Mulogo’s Treatise on Wizardry, Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology, Nemesis, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf

A Wizard’s Guide to Survival in a World Where People Want to Kill You and Take Your Stuff

Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry

Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry - A Wizard's Guide to Survival in a World Where People Want to Kill You and Take Your Stuff

What do all undead have in common...across all genres and stories? The obvious answer is they are dead. It’s just how they became zombies that varies. Zombies are also gruesome, bloodthirsty killing machines, even if some of these machines are more efficient than others. Another commonality is that all undead have an insatiable appetite for human flesh, even if this flesh does them no good and most of it just falls out of their mouths or assorted holes in their bodies. Further, all undead are in various states of decay or damage. But, whether bloodied, broken, or rotting, the undead’s rates of movement (and attack) are not consistent. But, beyond these superficial traits, what else do zombies have in common? What else makes a zombie a zombie? The answer you need to know is this.... All zombies, no matter the genre or source, never, ever stop. Despite all reason, despite all laws to the contrary, zombies never quit or tire. What would a world with zombies be like, a world where the undead’s drive to eat and kill could never be slaked and their motion never stopped? Perhaps this world would be a utopia. And not just for the zombies. Zombies Forever is a short story of roughly five thousand words.

Joseph J. Bailey

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