Magnus Mills

a novel

The restraint of beasts

As the wet Lakeland fells grow misty and the holiday season draws to a close; as the tourists trickle away from the campsite, along with the sunshine, and the hot water, and the last of the good beer - a man accidentally spills a tin of green paint, and thereby condemns himself to death.

A Novel

All Quiet on the Orient Express

Magnus Mills' most enjoyable and ambitious novel to date.

A Cruel Bird Came to the Nest and Looked In

In a remote location, a man living in a tin house, who revels in his solitary existence, finds his life thrown into chaos when a woman arrives with her luggage, a neighbor comes to visit, and strange figures loom on the horizon, causing the man to join a pilgrimage to find Michael Hawkins, the messiah of a new building material. Reprint. 10,000 first printing.

Three to See the King

A down to earth and surreal fable from one of Britain's most original and best-loved comic novelists

The Field of the Cloth of Gold

Daily we stumble over shale and flint, toiling onwards in the vague belief that at some distant time and place we'll see the sun rise again; and that spreading before us will be vast, hospitable ranges where the mules may finally be turned loose. It is the beginning of the century, and two teams of explorers are racing across a cold, windswept, deserted land to reach the furthest point from civilisation. This is, they find, 'an awfully long way'. We are gripped by the progress of the two rival teams as they struggle with the elements, each other and the mules who accompany them. Johns and his men take the western route, along a rocky scree, gossiping, bickering and grumbling as they go. Meanwhile, Tostig's men make their way along the dry riverbed, in the east. They are fewer, with just five men and ten mules, and better organised than their rivals. But with Johns' team keeping apace in the distance, the race is on to reach the Agreed Furthest Point … Refreshingly original, finely crafted, and with a unique and comic vision, Explorers of the New Centurytakes us on an adventure unlike any other.

Explorers of the New Century

Life on The Scheme is like being in a feather bed. You've got your full uniform provided, cups of tea and sandwiches, the odd comfy snooze in a lay-by while you wait to clock off, and a healthy weekly wage. And all you've got to do is turn up for work! But it could all so easily come to an end.

The Scheme for Full Employment

'He has no literary precedent, and he also appears to have no imitators. He mines a seam that no one else touches on, every sentence in every book having a Magnus Mills ring to it that no other writer could produce' Independent In 'Hark the Herald', a guest stays at an eerie guesthouse over Christmas without encountering any other residents, despite constant reassurance from the landlord that he would see them if only he arrived for breakfast slightly earlier; in 'Only When the Sun Shines Brightly' Aesop's fable about a competition between the Sun and the Wind to get a man to take his coat off, gets a new look involving a railway arch, a builder and a piece of plastic sheeting; in 'Once in a Blue Moon' a man arrives home to find the family house under siege, with his mother armed, dangerous and firing at the police with a shotgun, and attempts to appease her with an invitation to seasonal hospitality; and in the title story, rivalry between three cousins over a faulty toy gets out of hand as the cousins unwittingly imitate the toy they're fighting over.Magnus Mills has published two collections of stories - Only When the Sun Shines Brightly and Once in a Blue Moon - which are collected here for the first time, along with three new stories.

Screwtop Thompson

'Once In A Blue Moon' brings together a collection of darkly humorous short stories from the best-selling author of 'The Restraint Of Beasts', 'All Quiet On The Orient Express' and 'Three To See The King'.

Once in a Blue Moon

The best novel yet from award-winning, Booker Prize–shortlisted Magnus Mills--a hilarious and surreal exploration of power, fanaticism, and really, really good records. I remained convinced that my original theory was correct: there were some records that were never heard on planet Earth unless I (or James) happened to be playing them. Two men with a passion for vinyl create a society for the appreciation of records. Their aim is simple: to elevate the art of listening by doing so in forensic detail. The society enjoys moderate success in the back room of their local pub, The Half Moon, with other enthusiasts drawn to the initial promise of the weekly gathering. However, as the club gains popularity, its founders' uncompromising dogma results in a schism--and soon a counter group forms. Then the arrival of a young woman called Alice further fractures the unity of the vulnerable society. As rifts are forged and gulfs widen, Magnus Mills, the master of comic deadpan, humorously examines the surreal nature of ordinary lives.

The Forensic Records Society

Only When the Sun Shines Brightly is a collection of short stories. Magnus Mills is the author of The Restraint of Beasts, and All Quiet on the Orient Express.

Only when the Sun Shines Brightly

'He has no literary precedent, and he also appears to have no imitators. He mines a seam that no one else touches on, every sentence in every book having a Magnus Mills ring to it that no other writer could produce' Independent In 'Hark the Herald', a guest stays at an eerie guesthouse over Christmas without encountering any other residents, despite constant reassurance from the landlord that he would see them if only he arrived for breakfast slightly earlier; in 'Only When the Sun Shines Brightly' Aesop's fable about a competition between the Sun and the Wind to get a man to take his coat off, gets a new look involving a railway arch, a builder and a piece of plastic sheeting; in 'Once in a Blue Moon' a man arrives home to find the family house under siege, with his mother armed, dangerous and firing at the police with a shotgun, and attempts to appease her with an invitation to seasonal hospitality; and in the title story, rivalry between three cousins over a faulty toy gets out of hand as the cousins unwittingly imitate the toy they're fighting over. Magnus Mills has published two collections of stories - Only When the Sun Shines Brightly and Once in a Blue Moon - which are collected here for the first time, along with three new stories.

The maintenance of headway

A hapless handyman dreams of setting out for the far east when his job at a summer campground ends. As a favor to the owner he agrees to stay on to complete last-minute tasks. But one small job leads to another and he finds himself enmeshed in the off-season mysteries of a placid community.

O Curral das Bestas

Tales of Muffled Oars is English History with all the nasty bits left out.

Tales of Muffled Oars

There was no doubt that the president was a man of extraordinary ability. His decision to purchase the British Isles was widely acclaimed as an act of genius. It solved our financial difficulties at a stroke. Even so, he could never claim to understand the British people. Not properly.

The Trouble With Sunbathers

'It's a matter of procedure,' I explained. 'Strictly for the record. You don't get sacked from this job unless you did what Thompson did.' 'What did he do then?' 'We never mention it.' In Magnus Mills' brilliant short novel he transports us into the bizarre world of the bus drivers who take us to work, to the supermarket, to the match and home again. It is a strange but all too real universe in which 'the timetable' and 'maintenance of headway' are sacred, but where the routes can change with the click of an inspector's fingers and the helpless passengers are secondary. The journey from the southern outpost to the arch, the circus and the cross will seem as familiar as your regular route, but then Magnus Mills shows you the almost religious fervour which lies behind it, and how it is fine to be a little bit late but utterly unforgivable to be a moment early.

The Maintenance of Headway

Magnus Mills’s first novel, The Restraint of Beasts, was hailed by Thomas Pynchon as a “comic wonder.” His second novel, All Quiet on the Orient Express, is an equally edgy blend of high-grade comedy and low-grade paranoia. With insidiously beguiling deadpan charm, Mills draws us again into the world of contract employment, this time in England’s Lake District. The novel’s narrator, an itinerant odd-jobber, is camping out, waiting for summer to end so that he can set off for some vague notion of the East . . . Turkey, Persia, overland to India. In the meantime, he agrees to do a small painting job for the owner of his campsite. One job leads to another. Before long, our hero is hopelessly and hilariously enmeshed in the off-season mysteries of the placid northern English community, grappling with dark forces beyond his power—some of which hang out at the local pub. To think it all began with a simple paint job . . .

They were probably quite surprised on the Wednesday afternoon when the clearances began. All along the coast, thousands of sunbathers were rounded up without warning and taken away in vans. In the follow-up to The Trouble with Sunbathers, will the president ever stop interfering? Or will it be his son-in-law?

Magnus Mills

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