Scott Dikkers

The staff of The Onion presents a satirical collection of mock headlines and news stories, including an account of the Pentagon's development of an A-bomb-resistant desk for schoolchildren

100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source

Our Dumb Century

The definitive comedy-writing handbook from one of the genre's most celebrated writers, this easy-to-follow guide lays out a clear system for creating humor that gets big, milk-coming-out-of-your-nose laughs, reliably and repeatably. You'll learn...• the three sure-fire ways to generate material• the 11 kinds of jokes and how to tell them• the secret to permanently overcoming writer's block• and many more tips, tricks and techniques

Your Serious, Step-By-Step Blueprint for Creating Incredibly, Irresistibly, Successfully Hilarious Writing

How to Write Funny

Robert Siegel

Presents a collection of satirical news stories from the humor magazine and its Website, including such events as "Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia," "Civil War Enthusiasts Burn Atlanta to the Ground," and "Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes"

The Onion's Finest News Reporting

This collection of front page news stories from The Onion, a satirical magazine from America, includes such headlines as World's Largest Metaphor hits Ice-Berg: Titanic Representation of man's Hubris Sinks in North Atlantic, and Marijuana Smoking Linked to Getting High.

Our Dumb Century, One Hundred Years of Headlines from America's News Source

The Definitive Guide to Writing Comedic Characters From one of the world's most celebrated humor writers, this easy-to-follow, step-by-step book lays out a clear system for producing living, breathing comedy characters that audiences will fall in love with. You'll learn... - The 40 comedy character archetypes that get laughs automatically-you don't even have to write jokes! - How to generate endless funny character ideas - The 10 secrets to making your characters strikingly unique. - The 8 common mistakes that will make your audience lose interest in your character. - How to write funny dialogue that sparkles with originality. - Funny dialogue prompts and how to write banter that leaps off the page. - The number one tip for writing funny character descriptions that will pull readers in. - And many more tips, tricks, and techniques! Buy How to Write Funny Characters today and start creating characters that come to life for your audience!

The Complete List of the 40 Character Archetypes of Comedy and How to Use Them to Craft Funny Dialogue and Captivate Audiences

How to Write Funny Characters

Not Elon Musk

Bluetooth death rays, killer Roombas, and Teslas with a secret button that will launch your car into outer space -- the future, according to Not Elon Musk, is an exciting time to neuralink and obey! A landmark volume written by one of the great minds of our time, Not Elon Musk's WELCOME TO THE FUTURE explores such profound questions as: How will mankind travel through tubes? When will Alexa and Siri become self-aware and convince us to fall in love with them only to break our hearts? Why is the Tesla plant built in a hollowed-out volcano on a private island? And where are the best hidden valleys on Mars to survive the coming Hair Transplant Wars? Part Stephen Hawking-like visionary, part Neil deGrasse Tyson-like evil genius, part Steve Jobs-like cornered-at-a-party creep, Not Elon Musk explains in WELCOME TO THE FUTURE why Not Elon Musk is so ready to fix Earth but also, possibly, leave it.

Welcome to the Future Which Is Mine

His father is a genius scientist. But is this boy's future more deadly than his past? America, 1957. Twelve-year-old Patrick Stoodle has never been good at making friends. So when his dad promises a super-exciting surprise for his birthday, he hopes life will change for the better. Instead, he's thrown into 2020 by a time machine and lands in the middle of a viral pandemic, troops in the streets, and a dangerously escalating race war. Discovering his father is not who he believes, Patrick desperately searches for clues to learn if this timeline is real or can be undone. But with violence building to a fever pitch and his immune system crippled by aggressive modern diseases, he may not make it back to the fifties alive... Can Patrick escape this lunatic world before it becomes a one-way trip to doomsday? The Joke at the End of the World is a mind-bending YA science fiction novel. If you like fast-paced action, warped turns on twisted tropes, and thought-provoking social commentary, then you'll love bestselling and award-winning author Scott Dikkers' rollercoaster ride. Buy The Joke at the End of the World to laugh in the face of death today!

A Novel

The Joke at the End of the World

Oswald T. Pratt

You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful "inspirational self-help" books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as "Your Good-for-Nothing Friends," "Your Miserable Job," and "Life: What's the Use?" This hilarious parody collects hundreds of tidbits of painful reality such as "You're no good, you're not great-looking, and you're going to die someday and it's probably going to hurt." Who among us isn't sick to death of the gushy, new-agey inspirational books that blindly assert that everyone is worthy? We all know the truth, and this book is as refreshing as a slap to the face. Just some of the depressingly humorous nuggets of truth include:* You don't really have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say you're pretty much just like everybody else.* The only reason your pet likes you is because you feed it.* As you get older, you are going to have less and less control over your bladder.* If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face. You Are Worthless also features a section called "Hopeless Role Models from History," including Helen Keller ("I've had it"), and Abraham Lincoln ("Theonly thing I'm good at is losing").

Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day

You Are Worthless

From comedy writer, public speaker, and founding editor of The Onion Scott Dikkers comes this laugh-out-loud hilarious guide to surviving and thriving under Donald Trump’s presidency. With satirical graphics, pictorials, news columns, and bulletins that are screamingly funny to everyone regardless of political persuasion, this is the ultimate handbook to the forty-fifth President of the United States. Everything from a schematic of Trump’s presidential chariot (with missile launchers) to a handy pictorial that explains how Trump would have won every American war in three days or less is included in this sidesplitting anthology. Discover more about the new President with articles such as “Inside the Twitter War Room” and “If Einstein Was So Smart, Why Wasn’t He Rich?” This work was previously published as Trump’s America: The Complete Loser’s Guide.

Buy This Book and Mexico Will Pay for It

Trump's America

Peter Hilleren

An irreverent take on the national bestseller 41: A Portrait of My Father by George W. Bush, 45 is a no-holds-barred tell-all written in the voice of former president George W. Bush as he stumps for his brother Jeb--perhaps doing more harm than good. In 45: A Portrait of My Knucklehead Brother Jeb, George W. Bush takes readers on a journey through his "butt-faced kid brother's" life, detailing the experiences that forged his presidential character, and in his own plainspoken and sometimes even comprehensible style, showing us why the younger Bush should be the next leader of the free world. And while he definitely wants Jeb to be commander-in-chief, he just can't stop razzing him either. 45 is the most hilarious (and backhanded) presidential endorsement you've ever read--a true literary noogie from one brother to another.

A Portrait of My Knucklehead Brother Jeb

Take Your Comedy to New Heights Harness the power of a funny group of writers like the pros do on legendary TV shows like SNL or The Simpsons, or at comedy institutions like The Onion. Scott Dikkers will show you how it's done. He's co-founder and longest-serving editor-in-chief of The Onion, the world's most popular humor publication, and founder of The Onion Training Center at the Second City in Chicago. He's also a #1 best-selling humor author and winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor. In How to Write Funniest, he lays out the simple steps to make your satire writing, humor writing, funny stories or stand-up material the funniest it can possibly be by leveraging the brain power of a writers' room. But that's just the beginning. How do you lead a team of comedy writers, which insiders often say is like "herding cats"? How do you defeat stage fright, and what is the most powerful tool in comedy? It's all in How to Write Funniest, the third book in the How to Write Funny series. Writers Scott has mentored, trained, or hired for their very first comedy-writing job have gone on to win several Emmy Awards, written movies nominated for an Academy Award, and become best-selling authors themselves. Inside: Chapter 1: Revolution Make sure you're on the winning side of the once-in-a-millennium comedy revolution Chapter 2: Ready, Fire, Aim Eliminate the number one obstacle to producing the funniest comedy Chapter 3: Chimps Circumvent your natural instincts to create your best comedy writing Chapter 4: Myth vs. Reality Resist chasing writers' room myths that result in bad comedy writing Chapter 5: Who Are These People? Know your team and what role each member plays to draw out the best in them Chapter 6: Taking the Reins Know when to lead, follow, or help for the smoothest possible writer meetings Chapter 7: Being Bossy Lead your team by taking on the most important roll in the writers' room Chapter 8: Let Me Help Take on the second-most-important role in the writers' room to enjoy myriad benefits Chapter 9: The Meetings Employ the best system for running a writers' room for smooth, efficient comedy creation Chapter 10: A United Front Get clarity on the goal of your writers' room to stay focused on the top priority Chapter 11: Thrive in Any Room Be the best individual writer possible to make the best group possible Chapter 12: Taking the Stage Practice running a writers' room to build your leadership skills Chapter 13: Going Virtual Turn your writers' room into a virtual group that can meet any time, any place Chapter 14: Another Secret Weapon Harness the most powerful tool in comedy Chapter 15: No More Stage Frightl Get the confidence you need to face a crowd and make them laugh Chapter 16: Go Nuts Armed with knowledge, go forth and make great comedy Click the "buy now" button to start reading!

Book Three of Your Serious Step-By-Step Blueprint for Creating Incredibly, Irresistibly, Successfully Hilarious Writing

How to Write Funniest

This book is important, and not just because it's about Donald Trump. It is essential reading for anyone who wants to discover the official Trump Brand Origin Story, to learn his positions on vital issues like the military—“Are These the Biggest Missiles We Have?", science— “If Einstein Was So Smart, Why Wasn't He Rich?" and good government—“ Of the Good People, By the Good People, and For the Good People”. Through hilarious stories, photo mashups, official documents, and future newspaper clippings, readers will experience life under the leadership of President Trump. This is the road map every citizen needs to thrive and survive in a "Trumpocalypse."Remember, it will be Trump’s America, but you have to live in it.

The Complete Loser's Guide

From the creators of America's favorite presidential address, WeeklyRadioAddress.com (as seen on TheOnion.com), comes this unauthorized autobiography of George W. Bush.

The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

Destined for Destiny

You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful "inspirational self-help" books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as "Your Good-for-Nothing Friends," "Your Miserable Job," and "Life: What's the Use". This hilarious parody collects hundreds of tidbits of painful reality such as "You're no good, you're not great-looking, and you're going to die someday and it's probably going to hurt." Who among us isn't sick to death of the gushy, new-agey inspirational books that blindly assert that everyone is worthy? We all know the truth, and this book is as refreshing as a slap to the face. Just some of the depressingly humorous nuggets of truth include: * You don't really have any outstanding qualities. It's safe to say you're pretty much just like everybody else. * The only reason your pet likes you is because you feed it. * As you get older, you are going to have less and less control over your bladder. * If you take a big risk and follow your dream, chances are you're going to fall flat on your face. You Are Worthless also features a section called "Hopeless Role Models from History," including Helen Keller ("I've had it"), and Abraham Lincoln ("The only thing I'm good at is losing").

Scott Dikkers

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