Stephen Clarke

An entertaining memoir of the author's adventures and experiences as an expatriate living in Paris describes the life and times of a young British man brought to Paris by a French company to open a chain of British tea rooms, detailing his dealings with lazy French employees, a scheming boss, lusty girlfriends, and French culture. Reprint.

A Year in the Merde

Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non!William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non!The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Was the guillotine a French invention? Non!It was invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what hasreallybeen going on since 1066 ...

1000 Years of Annoying the French

'Edgier than Bryson, hits harder than Mayle' The Times A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some fundamental questions: What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? And is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress? Paul opens his English tea room, and mutates (temporarily) into a Parisian waiter; samples the pleasures of typically French hotel-room afternoons; and, on a return visit to the UK, sees the full horror of a British office party through Parisian eyes. Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. But will Paul find l'amour éternel, or will it all end in merde? MERDE ACTUALLY In his second comedy of errors, Paul West continues to sabotage the entente cordiale. Author's apology: 'I'd just like to say sorry to all the suppository fans out there, because in this book there are no suppositories. There are, however, lots of courgettes, and I see this as progress. Suppositories to courgettes - I think it proves that I'm developing as a writer.' Stephen Clarke

Merde Actually

Dial M for Merde

Paul West Is Driving Across The Usa In A Mini, And Feeling Just As Foreign As He Ever Did In France. He Has Accepted A Job Promoting The Uk As A Tourist Destination, And His Car Is Supposed To Symbolise Britain'S Image In The World. But To Americans It Looks Plain Cramped.It Feels Cramped Too Because Paul Is Sharing It With His French Girlfriend Alexa Who Is Making An On-The-Road Documentary About American Cultural Colonialism And Similar French Preconceptions. And They'Re About To Become Even More Cramped When They'Re Joined By Paul'S American Friend Jake; A Young Hitchhiker Who Claims To Be On The Way To Las Vegas To Begin Her Ma In Cheerleading; And A Very Bad Prince Harry Imitator.Paul'S Coast-To-Coast Drive Is On A Tight Deadline. He Must Also Mastermind A Series Of Typically British Publicity Stunts In Key Cities. Finally He Must Deliver His Plucky Little Car To Hollywood As The Centrepiece Of Britain'S Bid To Be Voted Tourist Destination Of The Year. With France, China And The Usa Also In The Running, National Pride Is At Stake - As Is Paul'S Bonus.But These Turn Out To Be The Least Of Paul'S Problems. Soon His Love Life Is Looking Like A War-Zone. And As He Should Know Better Than Anyone, When War Is Declared - Merde Happens ...

Merde Happens

An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it’s surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.

The French Revolution and What Went Wrong

PARIS - one of the most visited cities in the world. BUT do you know ... Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime'? And the sexiest? Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds? Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street? How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep? Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city - but don't want to tell you.

The Secret Life of a City

Paris Revealed

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: His apartment is so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...

The Merde Factor

Ten Commandments for Understanding the French

Talk to the Snail

The best-selling author of A Year in the Merde offers a tongue-in-cheek guide to understanding the French, in a series of essays, each illustrating a theme, followed by or interspersed with essential French phrases, anecdotes, and advice. 50,000 first printing.

One Brit in Brussels. Two French Women. And a whole lot of merde. The hilarious new novel from Stephen Clarke, bestselling author of A Year in the Merde and A Thousand Years of Annoying the French. Does Brussels really want to outlaw bingo, bagpipes and smoky bacon crisps? Are eurocrats trying to rename the English Channel? And can the ink in euro notes really make men impotent? No. Well, not exactly. But it is true that the EU is a seriously flawed institution. And it's about to become even more so as Englishman Paul West goes to Brussels to work for a French MEP, and gets an insider's view of what really goes on in the massive madhouse that is the EU Parliament. As Britain prepares to vote whether it stays in or exits the EU, Paul gets the chance to influence the result of the referendum. He has to decide: better the devil you know? Or bring on the Brexit? It's a decision that could cost him a lot more than his euro paypacket . . .

Merde in Europe

The sequel to the international bestseller A Year in the Merde continues the hilarious saga of Paul West's misadventures in l'amour (this title was originally published as Merde, Actually in the UK). The latest episode in Stephen Clarke's almost-true account of his adventures as an expat in France is just as delightful as the original—and already a #1 bestseller in the UK. A year after arriving in France, Englishman Paul West is still struggling with some questions. What is the best way to scare a gendarme? Why are there no health warnings on French nudist beaches? Is it really polite to sleep with your boss's mistress? And how do you cope with a plague of ripe garden vegetables? Paul discovers how to judge a French vacationer by the rustiness of his bicycle; opens his English tea room and finally understands why Parisian waiters are so cranky; and, on a return visit to the UK, sees the full horror of a British office party through Parisian eyes. Meanwhile, he continues his search for the perfect French mademoiselle. Will Paul find l'amour éternel, or will it all end in merde?

In the Merde for Love

An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the Frenchand A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it's surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.

Merde! Rok v Paříži

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job and finds out what the French are really like.They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don t wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike re

An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it's surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR Bonjour cher reader, Ever since European history began, we Brits have been happily engaged in our national pastime - annoying the French. And the past couple of years have shown that this annoying never stops. To give just three examples: After a mid-Atlantic collision between French and British nuclear submarines, France's Minister of Defence seemed to blame the accident on ... shrimps. When French political superstar Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested in New York, France's establishment was outraged. It soon emerged that sexual harassment was regarded as a basic human right by the country's male élite. (This theme provided so much excellent material that I decided to include it in the plot of my soon-to-be published novel, The Merde Factor.) And when David Cameron walked out of a Eurosummit, a French politician accused him of being 'like a man at a wife-swapping party who refuses to bring his own wife.' Yes, a very French image, and it just one of the many anti-Anglais insults that came flying across the Channel. You will find all this, and much more, in Annoying the French Encore! Because, for the French, the merde never ends. Yours historically, Stephen Clarke, Paris, August 2012 ‘Tremendously entertaining’ Sunday Times ‘Relentlessly and energetically rude’ Mail on Sunday

Annoying The French Encore!

Stanisław Kroszczyński

Tysiąc lat wkurzania Francuzów

Paul Dickinson

Jo Westbrook

Praise for the previous edition: 'This is a text that should accompany every student teacher of English and find its way on to the shelf of all practising teachers. This book excited me. It is written in a style that makes you want to try out activities and take up challenges. This book will encourage the student teacher to embrace the subject of English along with its associated values and debates' - ESCalate `If I was training to teach English today, this is the book I would want - an extraordinarily professional handbook of good practice ' - Geoff Barton, Times Educational Supplement, Teacher Magazine This essential companion for aspiring secondary English teachers has been extensively reworked to help students meet the very latest professional and academic standards, while also equipping them with the knowledge and skills they will need for the beginning of their teaching career. Focusing on the essentials needed to be a successful English teacher, the authors combine subject knowledge with ideas, examples and approaches for creating an effective, vibrant learning environment, and real examples of lesson plans and schemes of work. Each chapter clearly links practice to theoretical and critical perspectives on teaching, making this an ideal text for students working towards M-level credits or a Masters in Teaching and Learning. There are also brand new chapters which explore in greater depth specific areas of contention and challenging issues, including: - Diversities, including global perspectives on teaching English - The application and implications of using ICT - Multi-agency provision in personalising learning - Research methodologies - Transition from the training year and the first year as a teacher The latest requirements for Qualified Teacher Status are clearly signposted throughout, and activities at the end of each chapter help to reinforce knowledge and encourage reflection. Written by a team of highly respected authors, this new edition should be on every secondary English student's bookshelf.

The Complete Guide to Becoming an English Teacher

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out ... Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk's Starship Enterprise; in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven. Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

Stephen Clarke

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