Tim Collins

Andrew Pinder

Like Edward Cullen in Twilight, Nigel Mullet was transformed into a vampire when he was still a teenager, and will remain this age forever. Unfortunately, Nigel became a vampire at the awkward age of fifteen, and must spend eternity coping with acne, a breaking voice, and an ineptitude with girls . . . In this, his excruciatingly funny diary, Nigel chronicles his increasingly desperate attempts to be noticed by the love of his life, Chloe Sparrow, the constant mortification caused by his vampire parents (not to mention the worry that they might accidentally eat one of his friends), and the frustration one feels when you've got the whole of boring eternity stretching out in front of you and you can't even have a lie-in (vampires don't sleep). Forced to hang out with the Goths and emo kids due to his pale skin and social awkwardness, and constantly battling his embarrassingly overwhelming desire to sink his fangs into Chloe's neck, will Nigel ever get his girl? Fantastically witty and hugely entertaining, this fun and accessible diary will appeal to anyone, teenage or otherwise . . .*Winner of the Lincolnshire Young People's Book Award 2012

Because the Undead Have Feelings Too

Diary of a Wimpy Vampire

After changing from lame to super-attractive over school break, vampire Nigel acquires a girlfriend, Chloe, and starts the new term as one of the most popular students at school, but then a new student sets his sights on Chloe and Nigel must compete for her affections.

Prince of Dorkness

Helps you break your bad habits, correct your mistakes and have fun doing it. It covers pronunciation and spelling; punctuation and capitalisation; grammar and vocabulary.

Correct Your English Errors

Nigel Mullet is just your average fifteen-year-old immortal vampire: he likes to play video games, laze about, awkwardly pursue girls, write in his diary and occasionally save the day. But now Nigel finds himself in charge of the vampire coven on the remote island of Hirta, a responsibility he's not particularly enjoying. He's sick of resolving petty disputes between vampires when he could be using his position to get to know the hot vamp girls who have been increasingly showing interest in him, especially the sultry Lenora. Power does have some other positives, though, such as having the biggest room in Hirta Castle and getting away without doing vampire history homework. When Nigel allows a recent coven recruit named Viktor to take over his role, the newcomer proves himself to be a brutal and merciless leader. The hapless Nigel is cajoled into becoming the leader of the resistance movement, but can he defeat the tyrant? Can he prove himself a leader of men (even though he's really not that bothered)? And will he get the girl?

The Wimpy Vampire Strikes Back

Nigel Mullet isn't your typical teenager . . . he's a vampire. But unfortunately, when Nigel transformed he didn't become all broody and interesting, and as for super strength and speed . . . well, forget it! Instead he's got acne, a voice that squeaks, a tendency to break out in a rash (not sparkles!) when exposed to the sun, and absolutely no idea how to talk to girls. When a beautiful new girl moves into the neighborhood, Nigel is determined to win her heart but first he's got to figure out how. In the meantime, he writes about her in his diary and composes really bad love poetry that he will recite to her one day, if he can work up the courage to tell her the truth. Can Nigel win the girl and the respect of his family--or is he destined to be a totally lame vampire forever?

Because the Undead Have Feelings Too!

Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire

Saftirik kurt adamın günlüğü

John Bigwood

Sherlock Bones and the Case of the Crown Jewels

Dorkius Maximus, who lives in Rome at the time of Julius Caesar, would like to become a great Roman hero, but in the meantime he records in his diary how his parents ignore him and his less than successful efforts to train as a warrior.

Diary of Dorkius Maximus

Moi, c'est Nigaudus Maximus. Un jour, je serai le plus grand héros romain de tous les temps ! Bon, pour l'instant, ce n'est pas gagné. Mon père ne veut pas que j'apprenne à me battre, et ma mère ne s'occupe que de ses poulets sacrés. Sans parler de mes amis qui passent leur temps à se moquer de moi. Mais je vais leur montrer ! Je sais qu'un féroce guerrier sommeille en moi. J'espère juste qu'il va bientôt se réveiller...

Ave César, Nigaudus te salue !

Nigaudus Maximus

Luke Thorpe is a fifteen-year-old wimp. Excellent at maths and terrible at sport, he likes to keep his head down and get on with his schoolwork. Yet mysterious and uncontrollable changes in his behaviour and appearance - patches of hair growing rapidly, howling rather than singing the hymns in assembly, sudden growth spurts causing his clothes to rip off - are threatening to rocket him out of obscurity. Join Luke on a journey of discovery, embarrassing mishaps and hilarity as he gets to the bottom of his werewolf roots, joins a pack, and finds himself en route to war against the vampires (whose number include a rather wimpy, but familiar face) ...

Hairy But Not Scary

Adventures of a Wimpy Werewolf

Mia thinks she sees something strange and horrible under Lauren's hair when she flicks it back. But when she looks again, it's gone. She must have imagined it. But Lauren's friends, Savannah and Gabriella, seem equally weird. When Mia spies on them to find out what's going on, she finds herself dragged into a sickening nightmare. Papercuts is an eerie and haunting series written to appeal to readers aged 13+ who might be intimidated by full-length novels, or are simply just looking for a quick read. These sinister titles have a reading age of 8-9 and an accessible word count of 5000-6000. Written by respected and accomplished authors, they are packed with horror and elements of the supernatural. But be warned, they're not for the faint-hearted!

Queen of Flies

Il piccolo libro di Twitter

The Zero to Hero series of hilarious fictional diaries puts the reader inside the heads of hapless children in frazzling historical situations. Engineers follows a set of twins who help Gustave Eiffel build the Statue of Liberty and the Eiffel Tower. "Get Real" fact boxes feature throughout, providing historical context and further information, as well as a timeline, historical biographies, and a glossary in the end matter.

Zero to Hero: Engineers

Kyle has found a way to escape Monster Island. He's built a raft and wants to sail away. But something is waiting for him in the depths of the sea... Who will find a way off the island?Do you dare set foot on Monster Island? Filled with mythical beasts, treacherous terrain and a castaway captain who may have eaten one too many coconuts - who will manage to escape and who will be marooned forever?

Squid

If you're fed up with technology and sick to death of Zoom calls, this is the laugh-out-loud book for you. We've all had to get used to a different way of life in one way or another, whether it's food deliveries or online banking, technology is taking over - and not always in a good way. But, as this hilarious book shows, there are plenty of examples of tasks - which were once straightforward and now need a degree in computer science - that have wonderfully unintended consequences. From funny Zoom calls such as that endured by the poor Texan lawyer who couldn't turn off his cat filter, to wilful wi-fi that cuts you off in mid-stream and from 'smart' TVs that outsmart you every time to excruciating Teams calls that make your colleagues wince and titter, I Am Not a Cat! is a call-to-arms for everyone frustrated with twenty-first century living.

From Avatars to Zoom Calls, the Pitfalls of Modern Life

I Am Not a Cat!

In a daring and unprovoked spark of madness, one man declares war on the impossible, the sun itself as it rests in the heavens, and sets off on a roller coaster ride through the world, both rich and poor, seen and unseen, to create complete destruction, or, rather, destroy creation. Driven by what can only be blind fury and embraced foolishness, he weaves a harrowing trail of death and moral disease, spreading his illness like cancer and held captive by his own twisted vision, until it brings about a startling conclusion that will unsettle the settled and entrance readers in this one mans struggle to be free of himself, of the world, and to understand. In this thought-provoking and suspense-ridden book of surprises, one might find ultimate meaning, as humanitys will to create and humanitys will to destroy tee off in a cosmic battle of the ages, where only one will emerge the victor.

Like Butterflies

A guide for the inner geek in all of us lists one thousand things that people do that qualify them as geeks--from taking off work for an astronomical event to setting aside an afternoon to rearrange one's CD collection--and helps readers add up their scores to find out how much of a geek they are. Original. 30,000 first printing.

10[superscript 3] Ways to Find Out

Are You a Geek?

For too long northerners have faced derision at the hands of southerners, whether it be about the northern climate, their thriftiness, or gloomy outlook, but all this is about to change. Now is the time for northerners to rise up as one and growl, 'I'm from t'North and I'm proud!' The Northern Monkey Survival Guide is a collection of reasons to love the North, together with some useful survival tips for anyone who dares to venture south of Birmingham. Including: . A north-south currency conversion guide - what a cheese and onion buttie is called and what it costs . The Northern Monkey hall of fame - the greatest northerners in history . Places to avoid in the 'Beautiful South'. The Northern Monkey Survival Guide is a celebration of the northern outlook on life and the perfect book for all northerners.

How to Hold on to Your Northern Cred in a World Filled with Southern Jessies

The Northern Monkey Survival Guide

The Baldies' Survival Guide is a welcome call to arms for anyone who has suffered ridicule for their combover or started to think of Danny DeVito as a role model. This book will help you say no to Rogaine and hello to being a Shiny Happy Person. Remember, say it loud: 'I'm bald and proud!'

Tim Collins

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