Aaron H. Aceves

Seventeen-year-old Enrique "Quique" Luna decides to get over his crush on Saleem Kanazi before the end of summer by pursuing other romantic prospects, but he ends up discovering heartfelt truths about friendship, family, and himself.

This Is Why They Hate Us

Sam Skurka

The weird thing is I can feel my desires so intensely sometimes that they feel like needs, but in the moments when I'm actually faced with the objects of my desire, panic originating from deep inside my bones sets in.

"But isn't saying it that way internalized misogyny? Even though a vagina does not a woman make?"

"We both know it is. Which is why I feel comfortable saying it."

"Like how I call things gay in a derogatory way because we both know that queer stuff is better?"

I stop a platonic distance away from him. Even though I'd love to, we don't hug or touch in any way. I saw him too recently for that. Despite how expertly and easily his entire being cracks though my hard shell, burrowing into the softest part of me, I have to pretend seeing him is an everyday occurrence. Which, yeah, it technically is during the school year, but I'll never get used to it.

It would be so much easier not to feel anything for anyone at all. The problem is I feel so much.

Because straight boys are not nice. They are not considerate. They don't do anything for you unless they want something.

And now comes the feeling that only bisexual people are lucky enough to know the true horror of: wanting to make out with the person who's stealing the person you also want to make out with.

I remember after I kissed Mariana I felt so... I don't know, free. Because the whole world didn't end because I kissed a girl. And liked it."

Middle School Saleem shook his head, picked up his finger, and pointed again.

Her face turned violently crimson, and she spoke quickly.

"Oh. Thank you, Saleem. So, everyone, it's silent reading time!"

Sixteen-year-old Saleem shook his head, smiled a sad smile.

"I was so humiliated. All the whispering that broke out after... I hurried back to my seat and spent the rest of class with my eyes on my book, but I wasn't reading."

Let's say that because you were born Mexican, people assumed you wanted tres leches and pushed you to eat it, and you were like, 'Um, cake, okay, lovely. But then you realized you wanted tiramisu, too, and at first you did your best to ignore it because you knew you weren't supposed to and because, again, cake is amazing. But then when you accepted that you craved tiramisu and any dessert that isn't tiramisu, you started seeking out other people who liked the 'wrong' dessert. So then you found them and saw that throughout all of history they've existed, and not only that, they've, like, given up everything to eat tiramisu: They've been beaten, imprisoned, killed... All because the bride said you can only like tres leches. But a weird side effect of learning all that is that you can't help but think, Holy shit, tiramisu must be, like, the best thing ever. And even though you wish you were at a wedding where dessert selection wasn't such a contentious subject, that's not the case. And now there's so much... weight assigned to your desire for tiramisu. And it'll always have this extra decadence because it's forbidden, ya know?" Arturo doesn't say anything in response to my rant.

"Right. And, like, biphobia in general sucks because it's not just someone else's way of thinking. It's... mine too. I don't always believe in it, but I've heard enough of it to, like..."

"Yeah, exactly! It's like this thing I learned about in my psych class called stereotype threat. You internalize an idea about yourself and it starts affecting how you act and you end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I'm constantly doubting my attractions, my actual feelings. I'm gaslighting myself. Because the message I've gotten about guys who like guys and girls is that we're faking, that we couldn't possibly be attracted to girls if we're attracted to boys. Bi girls get the same thing, but for them it means they're perceived as straight and for us it means we're perceived as gay.

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