Adam Kay

Secret Diaries of a Medical Resident

This Is Going to Hurt

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Brooke Barnett

Between us in the last few weeks, we’ve seen patients with itchy teeth, sudden improvement in hearing, and arm pain during urination. Each one gets a polite ripple of laughter, like a local dignitary’s speech at a graduation ceremony. We go round the table sharing our version of campfire ghost stories until it’s Seamus’s turn. He tells us he saw someone in the ER this morning who thought he was sweating on only half his face.”

Rose Donovan

"today is the first time I've actually believed the patient's story. It's credible and painful sounding incident with a sofa and a remote control, that at the very least had me furrowing my brow and thinking, 'Well, I suppose it could happen.' Upon removal of the control in theatre, however, we noticed it has a condom on it, so maybe it wasn't a complete accident."

"It's the third time in a week my boxers have been soaked in someone else's blood and I've had no option but to chuck them away and continue the shift commando. At £15 a pop for CK's I think I'm running my job at a loss. This time it had soaked through further than usual and I found myself washing blood off my cock with the realisation I could have caught HIV."

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