Alanea Alder

My Commander

Sarah Escorsa

Why the murderous crustaceans read this suspiciously non-crappy PNR book in its entire entirety, didn’t feel like killing it with fire using their waterproof flamethrowers in the process, and quite shockingly ended up rating it 4 bloody shrimping stars:

① Because it's so beautifully OTT (view spoiler)[♫ yeah you know me ♫ (hide spoiler)] you cannot NOT find it hilarious. Strangely enough, some of my dear barnacled friends thought the book was "beyond stupid" and "just too ridiculous." But I tolerate love them anyway. I mean, it's not their fault their despicable book taste is doubled with an acute ability to read books wrong and tripled with a total lack of sense of humor, right? Right. Moving on.

② Meryn, our most delightful heroine is a slightly irritating, foul-mouthed, hyper, childish nerd with deliciously violent tendencies. She loves to hit people with backs of toilets, too. What the bloody fish is not to love about that?!



Meet Brenda the Cheerleader Shrimpleader. Can you tell she's one of Meryn's biggest fans? 

③ Supposedly Super Tough Military Type Dudes (SSTMTD™) discussing menstrual cycles and going to the grocery store on Buy Tampons Emergency Missions (BTEM™). Some of the mostest hilariousest scenes the crustaceans and I ever read. I kid you not. Actually, my murderous babies and my little self laughed so hard while reading this book that there is a slight possibility we might have caused a tiny tsunami in Japan. Oops. 

④ Rabid barnacles in heat, begone! Okay, this is PNR so sex scenes are kinda sorta mandatory, but at least Meryn and Aiden don't go at it every two bloody shrimping seconds like, you know, rabid barnacles in heat and stuff. Which it's quite refreshing. And stuff.

⑤ Thrash the somewhat infuriating PNR tropes to death! No bigotry! No objectification of the gentler tougher sex! No demeaning behavior towards women! No lack of consent crap and/or romanticized rapey behavior! A heroine with a brain! *quadruple checks this really really really really truly verily is PNR* Turns out it really really really really truly verily is *slightly faints* *kinda sorta regains consciousness* I think this calls for a celebratory dance, my Little Barnacles!



Don't ask. Please. Just don't.

➽ And the moral of this No, Fluffy Siberian Bunnies did NOT Hack my Account and this Really is Little Nefarious Me Rating this Book 4 Revolting Stars Crappy Non Review (NFSBdNHmAatRiLNMRtB4RSCNR™) is: it seems one some PNR authors actually have more than two grey cells, a sense of humour AND do not take themselves seriously. Sweet merciless shrimp! Pretty sure this is the end of the world as we know it, my Tiny Decapods. It was not nice knowing you and stuff!



[Pre-review nonsense]

Bloody shrimping hell, I slightly enjoyed a Freaking PNR Novel (FPNRN™).



➽ Semi-Full Some PNR Authors Actually Have a Sense of Humor and Manage NOT to Write Crap that Makes Feminism Want to Commit Suicide and Stuff Well I'll Be Damned Crappy Non Review (SPNRAAHaSoHaMNtWCtMFWtCSaSWIBDCNR™) to come. If I ever recover from this somewhat unexpected, traumatizing turn of events, that is. 

P.S. I'm, as usual, innocent as a newborn lamb. This is all belrenda's fault.

My Commander

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