Telephone Calls From The Crypt

Martha Belmont is a very rich and very mean old woman who lives on the Main Line in suburban Philadelphia. She has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is addicted to her Apple iPhone and has the objective of making obscene or troubling phone calls to all the area codes in the United States. Through her Jamaican maid, Yolande, she is introduced to a Voodoo psychic in South Philadelphia, named Jamarcus, who is a disciple of a grand Voodoo master in New Orleans called the Black Messiah. She meets with Jamarcus and eventually with The Black Messiah. The Black Messiah is the one true, direct descendant of Yoa, the savior of a peaceful Dahomey tribe in West Africa several centuries ago. The Messiah is also the sole possessor of Yoa’s magical spear. The Messiah convinces her that with the help of Yoa he can offer her eternal life. Satisfied that the Messiah’s offer has validity she has her accountant transfer $500,000 dollars in cash to Jamarcus and 1.5 million dollars to the Black Messiah’s offshore account. Jamarcus supervises the construction of a luxury tomb for Martha in a South Philadelphia cemetery. Shortly before the exact moment when Martha would have died naturally, the Black Messiah is summoned to her home. He performs an elaborate ritual that requires Martha to pledge eternal loyalty to Yoa. He then throws the Spear of Yoa into her chest, and Martha immediately becomes one of the living-dead. After an interesting viewing and funeral service, Martha is interred with her iPhone into a tomb that includes all the luxuries anyone could ever desire. While living a life of luxury, Martha uses her Apple iPhone to terrorize people living in as many telephone area codes as possible and to gain vengeance on anyone, including both of her children, who have wronged her during her life. Her telephone calls from the crypt are sometimes vicious and sometimes hilarious, but always entertaining. Over the years, Martha mellows a bit, but she remains the kind of person you would not want to cross.