Ted Hughes

Andrew Davidson

Iron Woman

Kirsten Simkiss

Honestly, if the illustrations were in every version of the book, I might be generous and give it two stars. The art in my book was fantastic. But the story? It makes absolutely no sense!

I went into this not realizing this was the sequel to the Iron Man. Once I realized, of course, I was kind of sad. I didn't really enjoy the first book much, but I decided to give it an honest shot and give it the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes sequels can surpass their original stories.

This was not such a book.

This book, from beginning to end made no sense. It reads like a poorly thought out Doctor Who episode or something a 5 year old girl with a Power Rangers fixation might dream up. I'll put it behind a spoiler, in case you haven't read it yet. 

(view spoiler)[The Iron Woman simply rises up out of the mud of a marsh, pissed off about pollution in her marsh. She meets Lucy and proceeds to infect Lucy with this horrible sound that is presumably the sound of all the marsh creatures screaming out in agony. Lucy invites Hogarth from the first book to come help her fix things before the Iron Woman destroys the waste factory - which is a shady waste management place that mishandles waste. They manage to stall the Iron Woman until the Iron Man arrives. He loans her the use of his "Space-Bat-Angel-Dragon", his "mighty slave from the depths of the universe." (What is a Space-Bat-Angel-Dragon? C'mon. You've totally heard of Space-Bat-Angel-Dragons before right? They're totally awesome! Every Iron Person has one now! It's fashionable! And makes you glow blue!) It grants the Iron Woman infinite power. She then uses this infinite power to transform all the men in the world into five to six foot long fish. Just the men. And only those who are eighteen and older, because the Iron Woman clearly follows earth law as to what is considered an adult. (Women totally don't pollute ever, right? Right.) After a while, when all the ladies left in the world start to worry about how they could possibly run things without their men (I know. Like women couldn't figure it out.), the giant fish start emitted fog filled bubbles that escape into the sky to form a giant spider cloud, the TRUE CAUSE of all of humanity's greed and sloth and waste. The Iron Man and Woman dance it into submission and the Space-Bat-Angel-Dragon whisks it away into the sky, where it proceeds to start transforming every ounce of trash and waste into spider webbing that can magically be used as a water soluble, totally eco-friendly replacement for fossil fuels! The men are changed back into people once again! Then they all live happily ever after with flower necklaces on, courtesy of the Iron Woman. (Yes. The Iron Man gets one too.) (hide spoiler)]

Some people seem to want to liken it to poetry. Even if you were to, it's weird. It's really weird. Poetry isn't always a linear thing, but usually at least the imagery makes sense. There is no way in the world you can explain away the Space-Bat-Angel-Dragon. That's just stupid. I think I had to read that like four times to make sure I had read it right and hadn't just had a long day. And a spider cloud that caused all the pollution on earth? Even if it symbolically represents pollution and greed, I don't think dancing the songs of the earth is going to be able to fix global warming. Just saying.

I feel like if you're going to write prose, write prose. If you're going to write poetry, write poetry.

I do have to say that the woodblock art pieces used as illustrations in this book and on the cover of my edition were extraordinary. I loved those. But they just cannot save this book for me.

Iron Woman

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