Ann Charles

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ... especially a dead one holding a grudge. Back on Deadwood's list of Usual Suspects, Violet Parker is hip deep in wild frights and fired-up females. After juggling bitter threats, haunted buildings, and vengeful ghosts, the last thing she needs is a pair of bullheaded detectives trying to pin another murder on her tail. Can Violet find the real killer before she ends up behind bars? Or worse, on a slab at the morgue

A Wild Fright in Deadwood

Sarah Escorsa

Actual rating: 3.5 stars.

Okay, I don't have time to write one of my wonderfully amazing, downright astounding non reviews for this little book here, so I decided to do the subcontracting thing. I didn't know who to turn to so I searched the Yellow Pages and found a firm called RonaldTroopers Inc. Anyone heard of them? Didn't think so. Apparently they're pretty new in the Crappy Non Review Business (CNRB™). They seem kind of weird and pretty useless, so I'm sure they'll be perfect for the job. That's their task force on the pic here ↓↓ They look quite professional, don't they? Yeah, I think so, too.



What the shrimp is that guy in white doing here?! Looks like an illegal immigrant, if you ask me. Wasn't there supposed to be a Barbaric Country Visa Ban (BCVB™) or something? Where the fish are GIF immigration services when you need them?!  

By the way, things have been a bit tough for me financially these past few months, so I could only afford RonaldTroopers Inc's Basic Crappy Non Review Package (BCNRP™), aka Ze Crappy Non Check List (ZCNCL™). I'm pretty sure it doesn't get crappier than that. But you've never heard of this obscure series, don't plan on ever reading it and think this book cover looks like it was designed by my 13-year-old niece, so who gives a shrimp?

☠ The pathetic contents of this Crappy Non review Check List are the sole property of RonaldTroopers Inc. No part of this Crappy Non review Check List may be reprinted, reproduced or published without the express written consent of the guys with the funny red hair. All those hopeless enough to plagiarize said contents will suffer a slow, painful, horrible, possibly excruciating death ☠

» Ze Wild Fright in Deadwood Crappy Non Check List «

Aka: all the slightly enjoyable stuff that make this series in general and this instalment in particular slightly enjoyable despite the utter lack of quantum physics and super deep stuff yeah yeah yeah I know this is kinda sorta light and decaf and non fat and yes there is a little *whispers* romance so what this is most excellent in a mindless fun it's so good not to think slaughter once in a while kind of way and I don't care what you think anyway so there. 

✔ Violet Parker. A heroine who is over 30 (view spoiler)[
  no fainting allowed
 (hide spoiler)]. And the single mother of twins. And not a harebrained nitwit. And actually works for a living. And cannot keep her big mouth shut. And therefore has a natural gift for irritating the fish out of, well, you know, everyone lots of people. She's got purple boots with kinky powers, too. And slightly executes things that go bump in the night. When said things don't scare the shrimp out of her and/or kick her ass, that is.

✔ HAHAHAHA dialogues. Meaning it's pretty funny stuff. In case you were wondering.

✔ A sexy Doc who doesn't cure but will rock Violet's panties for sure (view spoiler)[← complimentary crappy rhyme courtesy of RonaldTroopers Inc. (hide spoiler)].

➽ We interrupt this Crappy Non Check List to bring you this very important public service announcement:



Bloody hell. These illegal immigrants really are everywhere!

✔ Aggravating, judgemental, self-righteous non-boring ghosts *gasps*

✔ An Abe Lincoln lookalike who should have his own paranormal reality tv show. And wants to murder things.

✔ Creepy stuff, freaky kids, scary clowns. And tequila.

✔ Assholish pricks, bitches from hell, kinky ex-suitors. And auto parts.

✔ A pet chicken named Elvis that will end up as next Sunday's lunch if he keeps this shit up doesn't behave.

✔ A non-nun on a nun-worthy sabbatical who will not be able to stick to the I'm a non-nun pretending to be a nun plan much longer. Thank you, Mr Stuck Up Cop. 

✔ Not one but TWO non-stupid, non-exasperating pretty cool kids *slightly hyperventilates*
 
✔ Plain fun, entertaining, oft-hilarious, cool, mindless stuff.

» Ze End of Ze Wild Fright in Deadwood Crappy Non Check List «

Damn. I was expecting this to be severely crappy, but this really is SEVERELY CRAPPY. No wonder RonaldTroopers Inc's basic package was so cheap. A dull as ink blotter dishwater list, one pathetic rhyme and one lousy gif? That's all I get? Seriously? What a complete, total rip-off. I can't say I'm surprised that you people have to resort to illegal immigrants to do your dirty job. Pretty sure they're way better at this than you are, you silly guys of the funny red hair.

(view spoiler)[
  

  

  
 (hide spoiler)]

• Book 1: Nearly Departed in Deadwood ★★
• Book 2: Optical Delusions in Deadwood ★★★★
• Book 3: Dead Case in Deadwood ★★★★
• Book 4: Better Off Dead in Deadwood ★★★★
• Book 5: An Ex to Grind in Deadwood ★★★★
• Book 6: Meanwhile Back In Deadwood ★★★★
• Book 8: Rattling the Heat in Deadwood  ★★★★
• Book 9: Gone Haunting in Deadwood ★★★
• Book 10: Don't Let it Snow in Deadwood ★★



[February 27, 2017]

I thought that this book wasn't out yet, but it turns out it was published last August. Which leads me conclude that:

1/ I clearly need to get my little head checked ASAP.
2/ I clearly need to stop working 24/7 every August.
3/ I clearly need to follow the author's blog to make sure I don't miss the next release in this series. Wait. I already do. Okaayyyy, I guess this leads me to conclude that: 
4/ I clearly need to get my little head checked ASAP.

Oh, and by the way, I am absolutely not excited at the prospect of reading this book. Oh no, not me. I couldn't care less about it. Seriously.

A Wild Fright in Deadwood

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