H. P. Mallory

Better Off Dead

H.P. Mallory

An Epic Fantasy Romance from New York Times Bestselling Author, HP Mallory “If you like Charlaine Harris, you’ll love HP Mallory!” ― Larissa Ione, New York Times Bestselling Author If there’s such a thing as luck, Lily Harper definitely doesn’t have it. Killed in a car accident before it’s her time to go, Lily learns that the hereafter isn’t exactly what she hoped it might be. First, there’s AfterLife Enterprises… Learning that Lily’s death was indirectly their fault, Afterlife Enterprises offers Lily the chance to live again but beware the fine print. Most notably, Lily will become a soul retriever, venturing into the bowels of the Underground City to retrieve souls that were mistakenly sent there during a Y2K glitch. Second, there’s angel Bill… As if risking her second life in the Underground City wasn’t enough, Lily’s guide is none other than her incompetent, alcoholic, womanizing guardian angel, Bill. Lily’s future isn’t looking bright. Finally, there’s the legendary bladesmith, Tallis Black... As Scottish as his kilts and heavy brogue, Tallis Black is a centuries-old Celt who, for reasons only known to him, offers to train Lily and act as her escort into the depths of the Underground City. Dark, brooding and definitely dangerous, Lily knows she shouldn’t trust Tallis, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Between soul retrieving in hell, dealing with Bill and trying to figure out what’s in it for Tallis, Lily wonders if maybe she would’ve just been better off dead. To get even more excited about this series, check out the 1 min movie! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iSXfQkneag&t=3s 5-Star-Reviews the author conveniently chose to highlight: “Wow HP, you know I love you but seriously, you are sending me into full on squealing fangirl with this book. I loved everything about it, Lily, Tallis, and especially Bill. This book is hilarious and emotional!” ―Amazon Customer ★★★★★ “Immense danger, sexual tension, mysteries, humor and romance combined with never ending twists and turns will keep your fingers turning the pages . Tallis is brooding, mysterious and sexy as hell. You never know what he's thinking and is completely unpredictable. Bill - the unconventional Guardian Angel - will keep you laughing out loud at his outrageous antics.” ―Paromantasy Reviews ★★★★★ “H.P. never ceases to amaze me with her writing abilities! I didn't think any new story line could capture my heart and my mind as much as Jolie and Dulcie were able to do, but I think lily may have beat them both! Wonderful new plot, same classic H.p. writing style. Must must must read!!!” ―Amazon Customer ★★★★★ If the FREE Download, 500+ reviews, the movie, and the 4 star average aren't enough to convince you to try this series, how about these scintillating facts: * HP Mallory is a New York Times Best-selling Author! * Tallis Black will make you want to move to Scotland in your attempt to find a sexy Druid with a thick accent * Angel Bill will make you laugh until you choke unless you're easily offended, in which case he might just make you choke.

A Fantasy Romance Series

Sarah Escorsa

Actual rating: 1½

This is the third H.P. Mallory book I read and it will definitely be the last. Actually, I can’t think why I even gave this one a try as I didn’t enjoy the previous two (To Kill a Warlock and Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble). Her novels are like chick lit with a bit of fantasy thrown in and they are boring, boring, boring. They are not YA but sometimes they do feel like they were written by an underage author…

This book was just another uneventful read. Well, it certainly didn’t help that I’d just read Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews before I started Better Off Dead. In comparison, Mallory’s book feels much more immature, mainly in terms of writing and characterization. 

The main characters in both books are the same age (22 and 23) but Lily Harper, the HP Mallory heroine, feels like an annoying teenager. Had I not know her age, I would have guessed she was about 16 or 17. Before she dies, Lily is overweight, not pretty and a virgin. When given the choice after her death, she decides to come back as a red-headed bombshell with big boobs and never-ending legs, behind the wheel of some flashy car (an Audi SUV or something of the sort). Seriously?! How old is this girl?! 

The other characters in the book are poorly done. The angel is annoying and a bit too Danny de Vito. Tallis is so out of place here he seems to be a character from another book. His character simply doesn’t make sense and his supposed Scottish accent is ridiculous. 

This book was on the fast road to dnf until I got to about 20%. Then it got a bit better but not for long. I did manage to finish the book but only by skipping a lot of passages. Too much blah blah blah and little happening. Overall, this was a boring, insipid book.