Name: How to Date Men When You Hate Men
ISBN: 9781250319166

Blythe Roberson

How to Date Men When You Hate Men

Ember Skies

I think I want Blythe to be my best friend as much as she wants Harry Styles to do anything near/to/about her. This book is hilarious, full of spot-on call-outs, hiiiiighly relatable (which she helps the reader see is a very good thing indeed), full of great quotes, information and cultural references, and truly an antidote to society’s never-ending double-binds that women are so often tied-the-fuck-up in at every turn when it comes to dating.

Trust me when I say you need to read this (and so does every man in your life); we all just might be better for it, at least by 2040-ish.

Alexa M

woof. 

full transparency, i actually DNF'd this at 90% because the author started in on an unfounded and quite frankly, weird commentary about Taylor Swift in one of her -sprinkled in for effect- "feminist" anecdotes in her book... not about feminism at all. i knew what i was going to rate this book after the first chapter but i pretty much had the audiobook on as background noise and was going to finish it out but i don't find it worth it. after reading the page about Taylor I know the last 10% of this is going to be her last ditch attempt at providing what seems to be performative feminist insight. 

anywho, the title of this book is SO MISLEADING. this is not a book about hating men. at all. if this book was titled How Blythe Dates Men - great, i'm sure the reviews would be much better because only people interested in that would pick it up. but since i as well as many others picked this up because of the "When You Hate Men" part of the TITLE, i was disappointed. like this bitch does not even hate men. as a misandrist... you can't sit with us. LMFAO ok seriously anyways she clearly loves men because all she does is talk about them and hang out with them and then talk about hanging with them. which like good for her but don't say you "hate men" in your book's TITLE when clearly you do not. 

this is a classic dating book / memoir that is admittedly, sparsely rooted in feminism but so what? as women in 2021 our entire lives are rooted in feminism. in my opinion, Roberson had nothing new or interesting to say. "i want to kiss this boy but omg the patriarchy" *continues on to talk about kissing the boy* or "is it so bad i wanna talk about kissing boys? what else should i talk about, soil density?" (actual quote) like whatttttttt. to me it came off like she was trying to prove to the reader she was a feminist and like good for you babe i believe you i don't need an entire section about how Tom Hanks in a 1998 film is a misogynist... like duh? 

ANYWAYS, you might be like.. why does this have two stars and not 1? two reasons: the first, i can see people enjoying this book. IF (!) you came for a silly book about dating and nothing else. and second, i did laugh at a few jokes like it wasn't all bad. let's just say after reading this i can tell you me and Blythe would not get along if we met in person. i just really did not click with this and think the title needs to be changed ASAP and given to someone who could actually provide insight to people who genuinely hate - even FEAR- men. okay bye sorry to this woman lmao

Ivy X

This was entertaining because it felt like a friend rambling about her shitty love life, missed connections, and how the patriarchy sucks. I did enjoy her straightforwardness of disliking things such as Trump, Republicans, and so forth. I also enjoyed how she touched on things such as how celeb crushes can also help expand your understanding of yourself (and that self-development does not require a mutual affection for one another). I think it was just comforting to see this perspective on love, growth, and also to just prove that "fangirling" isn't necessarily a bad thing. I did enjoy some of her topics such as how women writing about their feelings and failed relationships (such as Taylor Swift) are often viewed with a sexist-based criticism that male writers/artists/etc would not face. However, I felt that most of the content in this book did not live up to the title. The beginning was promising but it ended up being nothing close to what I expected (see my list below). 

I found some of her rants to be a bit questionable and it seemed to feed the very thing (men having systemic power over her) she claimed to fight against. She was overly aware of how they talked to her, flirted with her, and so forth. It felt like she let her world be dominated by their perspectives in some ways without truly relishing in time for herself. For instance, she says she hates hearing how "love will find you when you least expect it." I get it-- it's frustrating when you struggle to find a true connection despite being single or busy and so forth. But Robertson does expect love no matter how busy she truly is. She expects it and tries to look for it in any hints a man might drop & when it doesn't feel the way she expects it, she feels extremely frustrated with sayings as such or having her time wasted. However, I feel like the issue is she doesn't go into anything without truly looking for these hints of "is he interested?" and "will he date me?" Sometimes going in just seeking friendship or some form of social gratification can allow you to be yourself and carefree--it makes the connection so much easier on friendship levels and on relationship levels. You get to be yourself, you're not disappointing yourself or forcing someone to be attracted to you, and you're also not "making friends" through having them kiss you and move on. She says she doesn't need any new male friends--but also mentions that a lot of her male friends come from failed dates. I think she needs to learn how to be friends with males (that vibe with her) and to focus on just being herself without any "seeking." 
Her dating stories sound like a mess, and I feel like a big part of it is tied to not knowing what she truly wants or what kind of person she wants to be to others. A lot of her stories involve enjoying the chase and getting tired when she reaches her goal (which is usually kissing/having sex), getting rejected, or not fully getting the male's hints (despite her saying that the male never understands her hints lol). She questions if she ever really "dated" any of these people, and I feel like a big part is how she has connected with them: "well he made out with me so therefore he was interested" or "well we boinked (an actual word she uses several times) so therefore he was interested."....Girl--hook up culture doesn't always rely on "interest." It's sexual attraction, and you're thinking too heavily into it! You don't hate men...you've lost yourself in your obsession to understand/like/please men. 

Here is a shortened list of what I expected vs what I got-
What I expected: 
- Insightful views of a male-dominated society that can even be seen in human courtship
- Humorous and satirical perspectives on those issues 
- Comedic takes on some things men do that are lowkey extremely frustrating/irritating 
- How to come to terms with compromisable things we hate about men/patriarchy & the ways in which she/we can communicate it to the other side to change bigger issues (such as oppression-like tactics within dating, dismissive over female views and opinions, etc) 

What I got: 
- A woman who is still struggling to understand what a relationship truly is & a woman who describes these relationships through a juvenile way. I see the vision with not truly knowing if she ever dated someone seriously and mentions them as "boys who are friends," "boys who I have kissed," and "boys who I have 'boinked.'" I do believe that this definitely speaks to some women, but it was hard for me to see eye-to-eye with her when I felt as though her understandings of flirting, dating, boundaries, etc seemed like what I would've thought of as a teenager.
- This isn't a woman who hates men. She talks about them a lot. She has her celebrity crushes, real-life obsessions, people she wants to make out with, people she wants to win over, and even a spreadsheet listing her progress and status with each potential suitor. What this title should've been called is: "How to date men when you got commitment issues." (Commitment issues aren't necessarily a bad thing and there is usually reason/psychology rooted behind it. But I feel as though the author evaded her potential commitment issues by overshadowing it with "feminist" hate against oppression and her long list of dating attempts and suitors.) 
- A lot of pop culture references which I got tired of pretty fast (but that's because I never really focused too heavily on celebrity crushes hahaha)

Caitlyn Baldwin

As a fellow Sagittarius, I felt very *seen* while reading this book. Roberson delivers a hilarious commentary on the experiences of dating faced as a millennial woman. Truly accessible and relatable, one of my favorite reads so far this year.