Caitlin Moss

You First

that’s how i felt almost the whole time, wanting to read more about the reason why. 

but honestly, the answer is simple, and it’s given, but with a heart damage like this, it can’t be enough. it can never be enough. you ache to hear something more. something you wish it’ll soothe the pain that it still hasn’t gone away…

nanafark

He opens his mouth but doesn’t speak. It’s infuriating. I just want to scream, 

I equally hate and love how well he knows me.

People are funny that way. Leo doesn’t really know me. Not anymore. And yet, there are some things that are inherently me and he’s never forgotten.

The scent of his cologne hits me and flutters in my gut. He’ll always smell like a memory. A memory I’ve buried, but when he stands this close, it all plays back in my mind.

i’ll keep referring to this frustrating feeling. 

And that was it. We both didn’t know how to say more. I always thought he didn’t want to.

Sometimes the people you rely on the most can disappoint you.

“But after he met Nora, he kind of changed. And I think that tells me it’s real. Because love—real love—transforms people.”

His expression is one of quiet desperation, as if there are a million thoughts and words he wants to say but he can’t decide how or where to start.

I even pretended to check important texts from Abigail and Taite to avoid speaking out loud to Leo. Not for lack of words, but because I have way too many. A million questions. A million why’s. Starting with why he said what he did eight years ago and why it made me so angry.

Now, he’s staring at me like he wants to explain.

“Nothing matters more than you, Evie. You deserve an entire universe. He didn’t even try to give you the stars.”

Sometimes memories are whispers of what once was. Other times they’re scars permanently reminding us that life is messy. Sometimes we can clean it up and no one would ever know it happened. Other times, life leaves a sharp indentation in our mind and causes the memory.

Stepping into my bedroom is like stepping back in time. I wish I could talk to the girl that used to live here. I wish I could tell her to hold on to every moment. I wish I could tell her life will not turn out how she expects, that people will hurt her when she least expects it. That people will be gone before she even knows it. That there is nothing more precious in life than loving every single person God places in front of her. But mostly, I want to tell her she’s going to be okay. Hearts break, yes, but it only means it’s because she loved.

God, I was so mad at him and no one knew.

When my heart broke in private, it almost hurt more. No one was checking on me. No one knew the details. No one knew the effort it took to not fall apart at the mention of his name.

For a brief moment, I remember the anger so tangibly, I’m there. Curled in bed, crying and staring at my phone, wondering if we’ll ever go back to the way we were.

I enter my bedroom and spot the box right away. I don’t really want to go through it because these aren’t “surprise” memories. They’re specific. The beginning and the end of something. This isn’t memorabilia I’ll pull out of the box and think, 

It’s the memorabilia I’ll hold in my hands wondering why I could never forget.

“I mean, we cared about each other but never enough to change anything about ourselves. We wouldn’t even make adjustments. Isn’t love about sacrifice?”

She flashes a small smile and squeezes my arm. “Someone is going to come along and change his whole world for you one day. I just know it.”

I wanted him to kiss my lips and hold my hand. I wanted him and I didn’t want anyone in the world to know about it but us.

We stared for a moment, and my mouth felt like it was going dry as he moved closer. Then he said the words I knew in my heart even without his confirmation, “I like you, Evie.”

It wasn’t just the sound of his voice or the way he touched me. It was the way I loved him and the way I knew I always would.

His gaze is intense, his jaw is pulsing, and agony is written on his face. I wonder if it’s painful for him to look at me. I want to ask what’s hurting him because it couldn’t possibly be me. Ending it was his idea. Not mine. It’s been eight years. We’ve both moved on. At least, mostly.

“I just wanted to see if we both remembered the dance.”

I give one small, uncomfortable nod. “Then why are your hands on my thighs?”

He glances down where his hand is outstretched along my thigh, then meets my eyes. He doesn’t let go; he tightens his grip.

“I just...when I’m alone with you, everything comes back.”

I don’t argue because I agree completely. But we both seem to fear the ending we know is inevitable. The crash. The burn. His ability to run. And his inability to tell my brother how he feels about me.

“Now, I always wanted a son. Call it a cliché or whatever you may, but I did. I wanted a boy to play ball with in the backyard, to crack jokes with at the end of the day, to take fishing on Saturday mornings, and watch football with on Sunday afternoons. Someone I could see myself in.”

“And it was just the most perfect reminder that God sometimes does give us exactly what we want but he delivers it in the most unexpected package.”

I’m not speechless because there’s nothing to say. I’m speechless because there’s too much.


He's her brother's best friend.

She's his biggest regret.

Genevieve Michaels didn’t realize how much emotional preparation she needed to do for her brother’s wedding. But when Leo Bishop walks into the bar five days before the wedding, she’s reminded of exactly why she can’t stand her brother’s best friend...and exactly why she plans to steer clear of him all week.

But within minutes, Leo and Genevieve are back to their usual childish antics. They grew up together, and they have a lot in common: their love for basketball, her brother, and their innate ability to pick a fight with each other. But not this week. This week Genevieve is determined to play nice, and avoid him as much as possible.

When wedding chaos ensues, Leo and Genevieve are forced to work together to ensure the wedding goes off without a hitch. As they eliminate each disaster, they uncover all the reasons they can’t stand each other, and all the reasons they once thought it could be love.

i was kept thinking whilst reading it how perfect it was.

again, childhood friends to lovers is my absolute favourite and this trope is often 

what i liked the most though, is how genuine and realistic it was. we usually read about unrealistic situations of course, but some things are way beyond reality. often in small-town romances where everything and everyone is just so perfectly perfect. but this book wasn’t it. it had such a realistic approach, even in the best-case scenarios. the struggle was indeed real. 

i felt it through my bones, every struggle and every thought, every dialogue. even in the epilogue where you usually get to read the happy ending, it was again so realistic, their frustration and tiredness.

if i could change one thing, is that i wish i could have more answers from Leo, more words. although he indeed tried, he explained, he opened up. it’s just that it didn’t feel enough considering the prior damage, especially if you take into account the HUGE confession!! like dude, is this really the only thing you have to say? but even that, felt absolutely real. how some people can’t say that much in the end, especially if there’s nothing you can do to change the past. and also, Evie should have just let him talk. just let him do the talking, sis !! maybe what i’m trying to say is that i couldn’t get enough of them, their time together, and especially their confessions to each other. i just wanted more and more. 

the writing was beautiful, and i liked the idea of going back in time, and more specifically in time when those particular printed photographs were captured. it was a lovely way to fill in the blanks and it happened in the most perfect timing.

i could sit here and ramble for hours about how lovely the characters are, how likable, how real, how sweet and strong. but i might as well stop now and let you read it yourself.

this book was just AMAZING !

i was kept thinking whilst reading it how perfect it was.

again, childhood friends to lovers is my absolute favourite and this trope is often brother’s best friend and i just love it !!

what i liked the most though, is how genuine and realistic it was. we usually read about unrealistic situations of course, but some things are way beyond reality. often in small-town romances where everything and everyone is just so perfectly perfect. but this book wasn’t it. it had such a realistic approach, even in the best-case scenarios. the struggle was indeed real. 

i felt it through my bones, every struggle and every thought, every dialogue. even in the epilogue where you usually get to read the happy ending, it was again so realistic, their frustration and tiredness.

if i could change one thing, is that i wish i could have more answers from Leo, more words. although he indeed tried, he explained, he opened up. it’s just that it didn’t feel enough considering the prior damage, especially if you take into account the HUGE confession!! like dude, is this really the only thing you have to say? but even that, felt absolutely real. how some people can’t say that much in the end, especially if there’s nothing you can do to change the past. and also, Evie should have just let him talk. just let him do the talking, sis !! maybe what i’m trying to say is that i couldn’t get enough of them, their time together, and especially their confessions to each other. i just wanted more and more. 

the writing was beautiful, and i liked the idea of going back in time, and more specifically in time when those particular printed photographs were captured. it was a lovely way to fill in the blanks and it happened in the most perfect timing.

i could sit here and ramble for hours about how lovely the characters are, how likable, how real, how sweet and strong. but i might as well stop now and let you read it yourself.

it’s a must-read, it really is.

You First

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