Leah Raeder

From the USA TODAY bestselling author of Unteachable and Black Iris comes a sexy, romantic suspense novel about two best friends who are torn apart by a life-shattering accident, and the secrets it left behind. Vada and Ellis's friendship is so intense and consuming, it's hard to tell where one girl ends and the other begins. Yet they couldn't be more different: Ellis is nerdy, shy, and rich; Vada is an ambitious artist struggling to make ends meet. When Vada gets into an elite New England art college, Ellis comes along for the ride. Like always. They can face anything in the world as long as they're together ... Until a horrifying accident tears them apart. Life goes on, and Ellis handles it just fine on her own, but Vada is deeply scarred--emotionally and physically. Her once-promising career as an artist is cut short by her injuries. Broke and severed from doing what she loves, she meets the wrong guy at the right time: Dane, a smooth-talking lothario, who offers her a new career as a cam girl. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night taking off her clothes in front of a webcam, and the tips come pouring in. Things get complicated when a client who calls himself Blue gets possessive. Through the safety of the cam, they open up to each other intimately. Vada finally talks about the accident. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. He's a mystery, and she might be falling for him, so Vada demands something in return: to meet in real life. Blue agrees, on one condition: she has to bring Ellis. The girl who wants nothing to do with her anymore. Now Vada is forced to confront the past she's been running from. A past full of devastating secrets--those of others, and those she's been keeping from herself ...

Cam Girl

This was a complex story, Vada's character is complex and real. It's not easy figuring out who you are. And even when you figure it out it can be hard enough to just exist with the knowledge you've learned about yourself. 

The confusion and frustration that was shown regarding her relationship and her connection to her identity is something I think many people can relate to

The writing was nice, at times a bit challenging but mostly due to a lot happening in the book, it was a little different that what I'm used to reading 

Lulu Evensen

This was a complex story, Vada's character is complex and real. It's not easy figuring out who you are. And even when you figure it out it can be hard enough to just exist with the knowledge you've learned about yourself. 

The confusion and frustration that was shown regarding her relationship and her connection to her identity is something I think many people can relate to

The writing was nice, at times a bit challenging but mostly due to a lot happening in the book, it was a little different that what I'm used to reading 

Sven Test

This review was originally posted on Latte Nights Reviews.

Leah Raeder always introduces a New Adult story that’s not cliche, not normal, very complex and filled with metaphorical prose from start to finish. Cam Girl is no exceptation and I found it to be even more impacting seeing as just before I read this book, Leah had posted in the Facebook group her story or at least pieces of it. It opened my eyes to her as a person and while I was reading Cam Girl, I felt like I was taking some glimpses into Leah’s life, which made it all more real for me.

Now Cam Girl makes you question what you believe in, who you are as a person and what you are doing with your life. It also forces the questions about gender identity and incorporates a new term for me: genderfluid. I had heard about genderfluid but never really paid much attention until this story and it’s when the gender you identify as changes.

Vada is an extremely complex character. There where times where I wasn’t sure if I hated her or not. In the end, I realized that I didn’t because she is struggling through life, trying to figure out who she is. What I don’t agree with is using Elle in the process without fully realizing it but Vada and Elle have a toxic friendship. I had never met such characters with a major toxic friendship yet it somehow worked for them while at the same time separating them. While reading Vada’s story, I could see a little bit of Leah in her and that had me even more intrigued to continue reading, knowing that this story is very special to the author seeing as she’s kind of opening herself to the reader. Not only that but I think, if the reader is ready to admit it, each one of us can find some or various characteristics in Vada that we have. Don’t glare at me. I know it isn’t easy to believe this but it’s true. Vada is trying to find herself amidst all the chaos in her life while dealing with depression at the same time.

I was taken aback by the sex-trade. Leah portrayed it so vividly that it was hard to grasp at times and I struggled with it. However, Leah ended up showing this as a way to accept your identity, the reason why some people could do it for besides the money. I think she did a good job in portraying this view of camming, even though it is not something I’m comfortable with.

The sub-plot in this story was something that had me intrigued and left me on edge but at the same time, it got to a point where it was too much. Now when it came to this other character, Blue, I was beyond skeptical. I had various suspicions and this certain character crossed my mind and for some unknown reason I never paid attention to it and once it was revealed, part of me was screaming “I told you” and the other part was torn and broken and shocked! Leah’s writing has a way of weaving character’s life with one another right before our eyes and yet, sometimes we lose sight of it. Not saying this is a bad thing because I loved what she did with it even though I couldn’t even begin to understand what was happening.

This story was powerful in more ways than one. Only if you read it and keep an open-mind will you really understand what I’m talking about. This story isn’t just about Vada. It’s about Elle, Blue, Max and even us. Each character holds something that the reader will hold on to as well, that the reader will identify or relate to. Leah can worm her way into your heart and mind with her beautiful prose and it will glue to your soul. It has a certain darkness that we need to shy away from but the reality is that the darkness is constantly present and I love how Leah always finds a way to pick that darkness or secret inside each of us and make us question many things we believe in. When an author succeeds in doing so, then you know this is an author that you can’t turn your back on and you need to always read their stories. Leah is one of those brilliant authors that I will always support and will always read her stories and treasure them dearly.

Lisa ✩ @lifeinlit

I jointly reviewed this with my co-blogger, Becca!

4.5 stars!


  Becca
: Wow Leah Raeder is amazing! Every time that I read one of her novels, I end up a raw, emotional and a little scarred. Cam Girl was no different and brought forth so many emotions!

Vada is emotionally and physically broken after a car accident that ruined her life, her career and her relationship. She is depressed, broken and alone. She is approached to be a Cam Girl and her self-destructive nature combined with the fact that she has no money or place to live forces her to agree. While camming, she meets Blue and begins to develop and online relationship with him. When a ghost from the past also walks back into her life, things begin to change for Vada. She has a lot of choices to make, and has to decided if she is going to stop running from who she is.

The synopsis and my brief explanation just barely touch on the content of this book. It is really about so much more! Forgiveness, second chances, understanding and loving yourself... just to name a few!


  Lisa
: Well said, Becca! That pretty much sums up the outline of this story in a nutshell. Becca's right though... there's definitely a lot more to this story than meets the eye. There are secrets, lies, and tons of danger surrounding Vada in her life right now. After the car accident, her injured arm has never been the same, making her career as an artist almost impossible. Thus begins her Cam Girl ventures. I honestly didn't know much about Cam Girls before reading this story, but now I feel like an expert. ;)


  "If someone makes you happy, that is not a mistake. Falling in love is not a mistake." 


I loved the intensity of this story, both the sexual situations and emotional scenes. Leah Raeder's writing is always poetic in nature, insanely thought-provoking, and utterly mind-consuming. Her stories are not for the faint of heart, that's for sure. Pure mind-fuckery at its finest!


  

 
 
  THE CHARACTERS:
 

  Lisa
: Vada is a tough character to like at first. Her snarky better-than-everyone personality is extremely off-putting, especially when you see how she treats others around her. She refuses any kind of help, even when she obviously needs it most. She's a completely scarred mess emotionally, and this causes her defenses to increase and good judgment to decrease. Surrounding her are a vast array of characters, including this enigma, Blue, who she finds herself connecting with on an extremely deep level. Though she hasn't met him yet in real life, she's drawn to his intelligence, protectiveness, and understanding of what she's going through.


  Becca
: I had very mixed emotions regarding Vada, one on hand I despised the decisions that she made and on the other I felt so bad for the deep depression she suffered from. She was very self-destructive in nature and at times, it was hard to read.



  "Part of loving someone is wanting them to be happy, even if it hurts you."


There are multiple secondary characters in this novel and some play bigger parts than others. It is hard to tell a lot about them without spoiling some parts of the story. There is Blue, who is mysterious and sexy. I loved guessing who he was throughout the novel, Lisa and I would send messages back and forth hypothesizing over it! Vada's ex is also a large part of the novel. The relationship between the two of them, dysfunctional as it was really helped me to understand Vada more.


  "Sometimes people set themselves up to be hurt by a situation, instead of hurting themselves directly. To absolve the blame."


 
  OVERALL:
 

  Becca
: Cam Girl was addicting, disturbing and hard to put down. Like with Black Iris and Unteachable, I struggled with some of the content in this novel. I have a difficult time with dark content, but Leah Raeder's writing always keeps me coming back. Her writing is dark but poetic, disturbing but real and always come from a place of pain and truth. Like Lisa said, Cam Girl is not for the faint of heart, but I highly recommend it if you have read Leah Raeder in the passed and enjoyed her or if you enjoy novels that are unique and have a dark side.


  "We don't always get closure. Sometimes we have to make our own."



  Lisa
: I totally agree, Becca! "Poetic" is the perfect word to describe Leah's writing. The amount of times I tagged different passages was pretty great. Her writing is simply gorgeous, whether it be extremely dark or not. Darker books are hard for me to handle emotionally, since I tend to take it all to heart... but Leah's writing always has me coming back for more. I really liked Unteachable, but this one has been my favorite by far. Black Iris was too dark for my liking, and I struggled with that one quite a bit. (I don't do well with a lot of drug abuse in books.) But for me, Cam Girl had just the right amount of dark-and-disturbing content to keep me reading and wanting more. Parts were definitely difficult to read, and I few times while read I had to stop and text Becca "I can't breathe!" 


  

 
Overall, a fantastically well-written and gripping story about tortured individuals trying to find their place in life. The good, the bad, and the utterly torturous ugly. I'm definitely looking forward to more books by Leah Raeder. Her mind-fuckery has won me over yet again!

(Thanks to Atria Books for the review copy!)

Find this review and others like it at Lost in Literature!