Name: Sugar, Baby
ISBN: 9781639732463

Celine Saintclare

Sugar, Baby

Lindsay

‘White girls do love a bit of Molly. And anal.’

I was raised to believe premarital sex was an unforgivable sin but it only took one orgasm, probably given— in hindsight— quite accidentally by a drunk skater kid called Aaron, to ruin me for ever.

I had no idea that this same body that I hadn’t asked for, that marked me out as different, that pained me and ached me and made me bleed every month could also make me feel that fucking fantastic. It seemed absurd not to make the most of its potential for pleasure when the pain came guaranteed.

‘You’ve got to lead him to water,’ she says, ‘then hold his head under it until he drowns.’

I don’t feel the burn of hellfire flames at my feet. Maybe I feel flames inside of me but in a good way, as though the dark, craggy recesses of my soul are being lit up with candles, as if I’m free to be as naughty as I like.

he looks like an unwatered plant with a coke issue.

It’s fascinating, the ease with which a man can both despise and desire you.

What does it say about me that I enjoy this, sex with a man who doesn’t respect me whatsoever?

I don’t know exactly what I’m hoping to achieve by doing this, perhaps it’s just the opportunity to see myself from the outside. Perhaps that’s all any social media post really is, an attempt to claim authorship, to make it all look deliberate.

Everyone is selling something of themselves

Maybe looking for God is just looking for something to be in awe of, something to tremble before, a standard to uphold. Perhaps religion is a way of punishing oneself, a manifestation of the shame built into the human experience.

It makes me feel good and human to like someone and not want anything from them.

‘I think God is more forgiving of the human condition than we give him credit for. All the rest is about people controlling people.’

As a book? Not very good. As a lifetime movie? Incredible.

Sugar, Baby

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