Taming 7

The real one. 
The one she left just for me.

.. Curled up in a ball on my bed, I watched as he stood over me and zipped up his school trousers. He wore the ones the older boys wore. The boys who went to secondary school. "You know the score, baby brother." Sitting down on the edge of my bed, he pushed my hair out of my face and reached between my legs. "Keep your mouth shut and I'll keep going easy on you." Trembling, I didnt dare answer him or look in his direction. I knew better. I knew what happened when I didnt behave. When I didn t give him what he wanted. "Good boy. You're always okay, aren't ya?" He stroked my cheek and then stood back up. "Tll see you tomorrow night." I waited until my door was closed before checking myself over and pulling my Power Rangers pajama bottoms into place, shuddering when my hand emerged with the familiar sight of blood...

Your sister killed herself," Claire doubled down and repeated. "Caoimhe did that to herself, and you can't spend the rest of your life laying blame on an innocent boy. Not when you don't know the facts. The real repeated. truth about what went down." I know exactly what happened," she strangled out. "Caoimhe was raped! That monster raped my sister and drove her to suicide!" "You have it so wrong!" No, I don't. You're the one who's wrong. You're wrong, Claire. You're so fucking wrong!" «Caoimhe wasn't the one who was raped!" Claire screamed at the top of her lungs, and I swear to God my heart stopped dead in my chest. "It wasn't her, Lizzie! Mark didn't rape your sister!" And then, she blew my world when she pointed a finger at me and screamed, “He raped my boyfriend!"

For my part in your pain, for my silence, I can never say sorry enough. I can only hope that my absence gives you some comfort, because while I know I wasnt your abuser, my lack of willingness to believe your truth hurt you in ways he never could. Goodbye, sweet boy. Caoimhex

But I saw tonight. When I walked into your bedroom to check on you and found him pinning you to your mattress, raping you, I think I died inside. Your eyes. You looked so broken. So defeated. You weren t making a sound. Your tears were as silent as my voice, and I am so sorry for that. I dont know how I'm supposed to live with myself for allowing you to suffer like you have. I honestly don't think I can. I've written you this letter, and I want you to take it to your mam. If not your mam then take it to Sinead Biggs across the street. All you have to do is hand over this letter, sweet boy, and I promise you he'll get what he deserves. (For all who read this letter, let it be known that I, Caoimhe Young, on the night of April 5th, 2000, witnessed my boyfriend, Mark Allen, raping his eleven-year-old stepbrother, Gerard Gibson, while I was supposed to be babysitting him. Let it also be known that eighteen months before witnessing this rape, Gerard Gibson disclosed to me that he didn't feel safe around Mark, and that he touched him inappropriately. And finally, to my deepest regret, let it

I want you out of my house and out of my town," I doubled down and told him. "Today. This morning. Right fucking now." "Or what?" "Or I'm going to tell." "Tell?" He tossed the word out like it was something laughable. "Christ, what age are you?" "Tm seventeen now," I bit out. "But I was seven when you raped me." "Don't "I was seven years old when you first raped me!" I said louder, refusing to be silenced a second longer by my fear of this man. "I was eleven years old when you finally stopped!" Blowing out a ragged breath, I glared at the monster standing in front of me with tears pouring down my cheeks, and strangled out, “You took four years of my childhood from me, and I've been living in a prison in my mind every damn day of my life since. So, if you don't want to risk spending the next seventeen years of your life behind bars, you'l get ona plane and never come back!"

"What happened to you in that home," I choked out. "Do you think it has anything to do with you turning out" "You cannot be turned gay, or decide to be gay, Gibsie. You are born gay." Darren cut me off and said, clearly having some psychic ability to read my mind. "Being raped by another man was not a deciding factor in my sexual preference, nor had it any dominion over my sexual orientation, because I was born this way." "Oh." “But it can cause you to physically recoil and withdraw from intimate situations with a partner." "Even women?" "Trauma sees no genders," he explained calmly. It's an instinctive thing." Like the back of your mind kind of thing?" “Exactly," he agreed. “It's your subconscious's way of alerting your body to danger, even when you might not be in any." "Okay." I nodded slowly, soaking in every word he was telling me. "Good to know." "Can I give you my phone number?" I stared blankly at him. "Lad, I'm flattered, but I like pussy." Darren smirked. "Just take my number," he said, retrieving a business card from his coat pocket. "Cail that number when you're ready." "Wait!" I called after him, but he was already walking away. "When I'm ready for what?" He didn't respond.

One moment we were glaring, and screaming, and shoving at each other Somehow, and only God himself knew how it happened, my hand on Desperately. Voraciously. Adoringly. Our lips collided in a frenzied and the next we were kissing. Gerard's mouth had been replaced with my lips. hunger that had been building up for sixteen years and had finally bubbled over. Kissing him felt like I had suddenly remembered the answer to a question that had been tormenting me for hours.

He had a son. A little boy. “Mark's been offered an overseas transfer with work. He and Meera are considering a permanent relocation," Mam gushed, draping her arms around her husband's adult son. "Isn't it wonderful, bubba?" "Relocation?" around my mother's shoulders. "The whole family will be back together I could feel the ground shifting beneath me and my world fucking ended. "That's right, son." Keith nodded in agreement as he wrapped an arm SOon."

"He killed my sister!" "Do you think you're the only person to ever lose their sister?" I roared, throwing my hands up in frustration. “I lost my sister, to0, Lizzie! I buried my sister and my father!" "They drowned," she spat. “Accidentally. It's not the same thing. Nobody hurt them. Not like my sister or Shannon's mam." "Oh, I'm so fucking sorry my family didn't die in more gruesome circumstances," I choked out, trembling. "Shit, maybe Beth should have drifted into the motor of the boat after she drowned, at least then we'd have a little blood and gore for the sob story." "You know I didn't mean it like that."

violently, the desk was shaking. I wanted to maim something. Correction, I wanted to maim the bastard sitting behind me. "So, what's the plan? Wine and dine her first?" "Pretty much, lad. I'm going to take her on a few dates and get it out of the way so we can get to the fun part ... " And that was all I could take. Fuck detention. I would gladly park my ass in the bold chair for the week if it meant that I got to shut these bastards up. You're a dead man!" I roared, losing all control of my body. My desk went flying at the same moment I lunged for Jamie and Johnny lunged for me. "I'm going to rip your fucking tongue out for that ... "

"I don't want Jamie Kelleher," she whispered, shifting closer so that our chests were flush together. "I don't want anyone else." Her hand slid beneath the covers once more and I couldn't stop the pained groan that escaped my lips when her fingers grazed the fabric that contained my raging hard-on. Jesus Christ. Everything inside of me was demanding I reciprocate her advances and finally claim this girl for my own. Let her do it. Just let her touch you.

"We'll be good," we both chorused, giving each other a knowing look. Because once Mam left for work, Dad wouldn't be coming downstairs to check on us. Free house. "Oh, and for future reference, keep the door open, Claire." after her. her breath. Hm." With another shake of her head, Mam walked out of the room. "But what if Dick escapes and sneaks into Hugh's room again?"I called That's not the dick I'm worried about escaping," Mam muttered

again, thinking hard about something before saying, “YOU know, I think I'd love a daughter." He scratched his jaw as he spoke. Td be delighted with sons, too, of course, but I'd love to raise a little girl with Shan." Shrugging, he added, “You know, show her how different it should've been for her." "You'd make a good girl-dad," Hugh agreed with a solemn nod.

I didn't say anything because what was the point? She wouldn't believe me anyway. Caoimhe hadn't. I desperately wanted to silence her with the truth. About the real reason her sister was dead. About what had really happened that night. But I couldn't because, aside from the fact thatI had never verbalized the truth to anyone still living on earth, Lizzie would never relent.

"My son Mark played outside center for Tommen back in the day," the asshole himself continued to say, bragging and boring us to tears. "Of course, he didn't turn professional like yourself. Went down the finance route instead." "Probably for the best," I taunted, struggling to keep my smile in check, "all things considered." You know, since the academy frowns on rapists that drive teenage girls to suicide and all that jazz.

I wanted to be smart like the rest of them. To hand in my homework and not sweat half my body weight out for fear of being called on in class to read out loud or listen to the usual "your writing is illegible" spiel. Like I didn't already know it. It was illegible because I couldn't fucking spell so it was easier to scribble the words out and make it look so messy that the teachers didn't call on me.

“Let me down or I'll pinch your ass." "Is that a promise?" Tl do it," I warned through fits of laughter. I will, Gerard." Sliding my hand into the waistband of his shorts, I pushed my hand inside. "Ooh, what's this? A round, hairy ass cheek!" "Okay, okay," he laughed, surprising me by how quickly he forfeited, and set me down on my feet. You win. I do?" I replied, breathless. "Since when?" "Since I can't take it," he chuckled, still smiling down at me. "Can't take what?" “being touched there”

"She's been pulling away from me for months," I explained, using my toe to dig a hole in the sand as I spoke. "Because of Gerard." Because she blames Gibs for what happened between Mark and Caoimhe." "Yep. Pretty much." Releasing a pained sigh, I scooped up a handful of sand and then watched as it slowly trickled from my fingertips. "I understand where she's coming from. Really, I do. But I won't ever walk away from him."

While the rest of my friends had spent their summer holidays neck deep in the Atlantic Ocean, I sat it out on the sand like the coward I was. Sure, I had an epic tan to show for myself, sun-bleached streaks in my hair that lads paid good money for, and had constructed some seriously impressive sand forts and castles, but it was such a damn waste of a summer. Pathetic as it was, I struggled to cope with anything more than dipping my toes in the water.

"Oh my god," I choked out when a familiar blonde shimmied into my peripheral vision. "What the hell happened to you?" "I fell," Lizzie explained, joining us at Hugh's deckchair. The fact that she was here wasn't surprising. Her family had been members for years, same as ours, but it was the scar she bore that took my breath away. I'd seen similar cuts on Lizzie's body in the past, but not for a very long time. The faint scars that adorned her inner wrists had appeared in the months that had followed her sister's passing.

Mam and Dad had been together since they were twelve and this was their end result: Mam shagging the prick laying down the new patio in our garden, while Dad worked his bollocks off to pay for said patio, and give her everything else she wanted.

"Have you come off your medication?" Concern filled her eyes. "Because I've noticed you've been sleepwalking a lot more this summ Nope," I replied with a shit-eating grin. “Still taking my pill a day to keep the voices away." "Oh, Gerard, you know that's not what you have to take it for:" "Which Gerard are you talking to?" "Stop it!" Keith snapped, looking flustered. “You know that kind of talk worries your mother." whipped cream can into my mouth. “Tl ... be... the... good... Gerard.

Lately, Gerard's nightmares had frequented to the point of being almost a nightly event. It was as unsetling as it was heartbreaking. Because I knew he was battling his demons - or should I say his ghosts. The ones from his childhood that he refused to talk about. "What happened in last night's one?" I asked, feeling just as helpless this morning as I did every morning that I woke up with him in my bed. Finding Gerard in my bed wasn't a new thing for us. In fact, in the past decade there was only a handful of nights he hadn't slept over.