Clare Ashton

Movie star Jessica Lambert is in danger of burning out. Returning to London for the premiere of her latest film, she’s recognised everywhere she goes. When she runs away through the streets of London, she’s taken in by the beautiful and more mature Anna. The two hide in the sanctuary of Anna’s roof-top flat, a haven away from the crowds, but why has Anna removed herself from the world? As the two women get to know each other, stripping away the layers, both appreciate what each does for the other. This could be the start of something wonderful, more than either of them know.

Finding Jessica Lambert

KADY BURNS

Wow. I am just speechless at this one. It's so different that what I am used to reading in the wlw world. Just a gorgeous piece of literature. Not a big plot, but man what a dive into the characters and their progression back to trust, openness and desire. Just beautiful.

Jude Silberfeld

Edit: August 30th, 2021, audiobook review.

I love this book so much. I love the story, I love the writing, I most of all love the main characters, Anna and Jess. It wasn’t an easy book for me to read, and listening was slightly easier because I already knew the story (which was a good thing as I started listening on a walk on the cliff and part of chapter 2 got lost to the wind). But the reasons why it’s not easy are also the reasons why I love it.

I’m very much like Jess in many respects (social awkwardness, that feeling that you’ve not been giving the same set of rules as everyone else at the start of the game, the mimicking when you’re not sure how to act, the not thinking well on your feet…) but my experience of closing down resembles Anna’s. Whenever the author mentions “something the old Anna would have done” or “someone from before”, it resonates with me because that’s how I speak of my life. There’s a before and a now. Until not long ago, my blog was named Not Me Anymore, and as I’ve explained before, it’s because I’m both the same person I always was and not, like Anna. I changed the name recently because it didn’t make as much sense now that 99.99% of what I post is reviews, but what it meant is still very true. It’s an interesting experience to be able to relate to both MCs, even more so to what makes them fragile.

Jess and Anna’s relationship, their falling in love, is so evident, so delicate, so delightful yet painful at times, that getting to witness it feels precious. Sometimes you meet someone in whatever circumstances and there’s an instant connection. It can be love, it can be friendship, it’s often deep and feels like fate. For someone like me, who struggles with interactions (unlike Anna, I was always like that, even in my own “before”), it’s both terrifying and elating. Clare Ashton describes it perfectly, the easiness, the immediate trust, the surprise too.

Even though I’d already loved them when I read them, some scenes sounded even better in audio. The back and forth between Jess and Anna when they’re both trying to figure out the other’s sexual orientation is hilarious, and the intimate scenes are even sexier. I have minor issues with the narration (the men’s voices aren’t very distinctive, the narrator’s slight lisp was sometimes distracting – and I say that as someone with a lisp of my own, which may have made me more sensitive to it, and I wish Anna’s voice was as melodious as Clare Ashton describes it), but nothing that stopped me from enjoying it a lot. The pace is great, the tone is too, Jess’s voice is perfect, there are nuances and subtle changes that make it lovely overall.

The only thing that could make this book better would be if I didn’t know it yet and got to read it for the first time again.
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Finding Jessica Lambert took my breath away, literally and figuratively. I loved it and it totally triggered my anxiety.

I knew what I was getting into. My friend Gaby from LezReviewBooks, who read it before I did (her review is here), told me it reminded her of me. So yeah, I knew. Good news is, it really was worth pushing through, and if I can do it, you probably can too.

I guess I should apologise right now, since this review will be a lot more about me than about the book. Which you should definitely read. I’m not giving it 5* because I’m a narcissist and it speaks to me, I’m giving it 5* because it’s awesome, with fantastic characters, sweet romance and steamy scenes.

Jess and Anna meet on the London Tube, with Jess in the midst of a panic attack and Anna stepping up to help. Despite the age difference and both women’s struggles (for different reasons) with anxiety, they click immediately. They both open up to each other surprisingly fast, showing who they really are yet both hiding part of themselves, the professional part.

In French, when something happens behind closed doors, like a hearing, court proceedings etc., we call that a huis clos. There’s a huis clos feel to the first part of this story, but not in a claustrophobic way, rather in a safe haven way. Anna brings Jess to her small roof-top flat and they stay there for a couple of days, away from the world and everything that’s terrifying Anna nowadays and exhausting Jess. Everything is simple, then. Easy. Natural. Then life takes over again but neither is on her own anymore, they’re already stronger together. That’s one of the things I loved, that sense of strength that comes from having the right person by your side. Jess may not always understand what Anna is going through (and vice versa) but she gets her, and Anna gets Jess. It also doesn’t hurt that they have amazing chemistry.

I have a confession to make: this is my first book by Clare Ashton. I own a few others but haven’t read them yet. Don’t ask why, I don’t know. Life, lack of time, the usual. No good reason, really. Anyway, my first. And it begins with an anxiety-filled scene, one character in a panic attack with the other on the edge of her own. In the Tube, ie the London metro, when a lot of mine happen in the Paris metro (which I almost never take anymore). Ugh. Thank you, brain, for managing that and for holding on.

My situation and Jess’s (and Anna’s to some extent) are nothing alike and yet they are. Burning out is burning out, whatever the reasons, whatever the life. Even your dream job can kill you slowly from the inside. You either get out on time or you break. It’s that simple. One of life’s rare instances where things are truly black and white.

Beyond the burnout, I’m also a lot like Jess (not the movie star side, nor the English person of colour part, obviously): social interactions exhaust me, noises and lights stun me, I thrive in small chosen groups, I don’t deal well with surprises, I need time to process, sometimes even with the simplest things, so I hate phone calls and chit chat. In the right circumstances, I’m bright and witty and fun, but not so much when I’m overwhelmed.

So yeah, reading this has been hard. And so so so worth it. Jess is adorable and I felt like swooning anytime Anna spoke. We’re going to need this in audiobook, by the way.

I’m very character-driven, which makes this book all the more appreciated. Besides Jess and Anna, it is filled with quite a few lovely (and not so lovely) characters. Jess’s family wins all the awards, whereas Anna’s mother would go home with the Razzie. There’s a lot more to love in this book than its characters, however. It’s beautifully written, for one. It shows the other side of the fame coin, the price of success. It’s poignant yet never whiny, it’s full of angst and hope, it’s sexy and human and delightful.

My friend Jules said it best in her review, and allowed me to borrow her words: “Do not expect a big, loud plot. Instead, sit back and appreciate a masterful telling that is devastating in the passion and turmoil it creates. Pay attention to the quiet moments that the author uses to amplify their relationship. Anticipation can be brutally delicious, especially when the author delivers the heat with perfect timing. Read and be thrilled.” That’s it. Read and be thrilled.

Finding Jessica Lambert

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