Name: Broken
ISBN: 9780615941448

Colleen Vanderlinden

Molly Brooks, a telepathic vigilante, has earned her reputation: an angel to the human citizens of Detroit she's saved, a nightmare to the supernatural forces that cross her. She is the last and only line of defense, but she's barely hanging on. Untangling the mysteries of her power threatens to create in her the very nightmare she is trying to protect her loved ones from.

Hidden Book Two

Broken

Sarah Escorsa

☠ DNF at 61% ☠

Actual rating: 1.5 (I'm feeling generous today)

☢ UnFriendly Warning: there will be spoilers in this review. Both for book 1 and for this book. What? It's a problem for you? That is just SO sad. Your life really sucks, doesn't it? ☢

Yay! Another Stupid Piece of Crap (SPoC™) to add to my ever-growing collection! And, as usual, I can only blame myself for reading it. Because, as usual, I should have this seen coming from miiiiiiiles away. I mean, book 1 offered all the required warning signs of a SPoC™ waiting to happen. But as I have proven countless times, I'm an idiot and a masochist, so I decided to give book 2 a try anyway. Go me. (view spoiler)[Note to self:



Trepanation, here I come. (hide spoiler)]

But anyway.

» You know why this book is such a SPoC™? Because it is not Urban Fantasy. Nope. It isn't even a Crappy, Freaking Paranormal Romance Masterpiece (CFPNRM™). You know what this really is? A Goddamn Mushy Angsty Crappy Romance in Disguise (GMACRD™). I am beyond the allergy stage right now. I think I am going to be sick. Please stand back.



Not only am I utterly disgusted, I am also seriously pissed off. I think I need to kill a few things. Or to hit someone. Or both. Yeah, that would definitely help release my pent-up anger.



Aaaaah, that felt SOOOO good. Thank you so much for your cooperation, we should to it again sometime.

» Now. You would think that this is bad enough as it is, right? You would think that after pulling a Fucking Romance out of her Fake UF Hat, Ms Vanderlinden would have tried to make amends, right? WRONG. The woman is unrepentant. And she manages to make her case even worse by turning Molly (the could-have-been but never-will-be kick-ass heroine) into an Aggravating, Whiny Drama Queen.

☢ This is where the Spoilers from Hell happen. I don't know why I am even bothering to warn you. I guess I'm really feeling generous today *shudders* I scare myself sometimes ☢

So. Let me try and explain this. Poor Aggravating, Whiny Drama Queen Molly is Broken. And she's Broken, too. And I think there's a chance she may be Broken. Then again, you never know, she might be Broken. Yeah, that could account for the fact that she's Broken. That could also account for the fact that this Broken business made me want to kill things. Again.



I'm telling you, dear Molly has the pity party of a lifetime here. To think I complained about Dali in Magic Steals! Well, as pathetic as poor Dali is, she's got NOTHING on Whiny Molly. Dali has yet to pass Pity Party 101, whereas Whiny Molly has a Pity Party PhD (she graduated summa cum laude, obviously). Yeah, Whiny Molly is a pro. She's whine-whine-whining and woe-woe-woe-ing 24/7. The poor girl is a widow, you see. And a BROKEN one at that. This is so sad. What? You think I have no heart? You think I should be more compassionate? Okay, so I don't have a heart. And I think compassion is overrated. And your point is? Even if I did (have a heart, you silly! Please do try and pay attention!), it wouldn't change a thing here. The whole woe-is-me-because-I'm-a-widow-because-I-killed-my-husband-that-I-loved-more-than-life-itself-because-he-set-me-up-to-do-it(view spoiler)[-because-this-is-the-most-pathetically-ridiculous-thing-I-was-ever-given-to-read (hide spoiler)] ← this doesn't make much sense? Good. It shouldn't. Wait. I think I kind of got carried away and didn't finish my last sentence here. Let's try and rewind for a bit.



Are you too young to know what this strange contraption ↑↑ is? You are? I am so sorry. Not being part of the Ancient-Yet-Super-Cool-Goodreads-Clique-Who-Knows-What-This-Contraption-Is (AYSCGCWKWTCI™) sucks big time. Your life is pretty pointless, isn't it? This is so sad. Here, have a cookie.

So. What I was (brilliantly, if I may say so myself) trying to point out was that even if I had a heart, the whole woe-is-me-blah-blah-blah business would have left me cold. Why? Because Whiny Molly here is forever grieving for a guy she knew for about 5 seconds. That's where Ms Vanderlinden's talent lies. She doesn't do instalove. Oh no, insta-freaking-love is for sissies. Ms Vanderlinden does insta-freaking-marriage. It's waaayyyyy cooler: girl with the maturity of a 12 year old meets boy who's been around for centuries and sounds like he could be her grandfather, and BOOM! Married. So bloody brilliant ← this might be slightly sarcastic. Might. Slightly. Anyway, so Molly and Nain (the husband, you silly! What did I just say about paying attention?!) meet and get married in less time than it takes to blink. He sets her up so that she will kill him (still doesn't make sense? Good. It still shouldn't) and he very conveniently dies. All of this has taken what? I'd say 5 months, 6 months tops. And here we have Whiny Molly woe-ing is me 24/7, like she just lost her husband of 60 years.



» You think Ms Vanderlinden stopped at that? Hahahaha, you can be so funny sometimes. The woman will stop at nothing. Nothing will stop the woman. So Whiny Molly is all "I'm Broken and woe is me" for about 50% of the book and then all of a sudden, BAM! You turn the page and she's suddenly in love with Brennan, her supposed best friend (she's known him for 11 months at least! Wow!). Brennan the shifter, who has been in total and utter love with her and recognized her as his freaking mate the second he first set eyes on her. Brennan, who was brought up by Nain, Whiny Molly's insta-freaking-husband. Brennan, who has been able to feel everything Whiny Molly felt (including when she was having sex with Grandpa Nain, yay) because, you know, she is his freaking mate and stuff. Brennan, who suffered horribly during the 5 seconds Whiny Molly and Grandpa Nain's marriage lasted. Brennan, whose little heart is breaking to pieces because Whiny Molly is woe-woe-woe-ing over Grandpa Nain's insta-death.



Yep, Ms Vanderlinden's definitely got the whole fangsty manufactured drama thing brilliantly mastered. But it's her many insta-abilities I definitely have a weakness for. That takes real talent. Just look at this insta-list of insta-awesomeness: insta-love, insta-marriage, insta-death, insta-widowhood, insta-woe-is-me, insta-best-friendship, insta-woe-is-me-is-forgotten, insta-love², insta-crap, insta-stupid, insta-fucking-everything!!! Please someone, give the lady a medal. Such an outstanding achievement cannot go unrewarded.

» Is there anything else besides the Mushy Angsty Romantic Crap, you ask? Nope. Sorry. Well, okay, there is a slight possibly of me being a teensy little bit too harsh here. So yes, I'll admit that there is Something Else: a gloriously fascinating Greek Mythology for Airheads sub-plot. And since I'm feeling REALLY generous today, I'll even admit that is yet another Something Else. Yep. And it's very cool, too. Want to know what it is? Inner ramblings, Inc aka blah blah blah till you die. This book is bloody amazing, I tell you. I want more (view spoiler)[
  

  

  
 (hide spoiler)]

So let me break this down for you. 61% of this captivating masterpiece = 96% Angsty Romantic Crap + 2% Greek Mythology for Dummies + 2% Blah Blah Blah Crap. If that isn't a winning combination, I don't know what is.

►► Bye bye, rest of this series, it will be a real pleasure not reading you.

Broken Hidden Book Two

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