Cris Beam

J, who feels like a boy mistakenly born as a girl, runs away from his best friend who has rejected him and the parents he thinks do not understand him when he finally decides that it is time to be who he really is.

I Am J

Ariel Himboi

I was hoping this book would be good. Personally as someone who is questioning their own geder and someone who fights every day to support LGBT rights... 

My first thought when reading was, "Okay, an unreliable character. A jerk and not some goodie-two-shoes pixie character."

However, it only took 50 pages for me to realize that this book isn't very good at all. The writing is completely jagged and it would have been more personal if it were written in first person or even second, but not third. 

Our main character is a somewhat, grey homophobic, excuse-using teen. I know how teens are and I was one myself, but I think that the mentality that the character has to be "as manly as possible" including trying to show off some completely inappropriate masculinity-based behavior was mind boggling and horrible. 

I can say that I liked seeing a character fight their demons such as society and expectations and the future that his parents want for him,but not for who he really is. I like that. I like that he's fighting to be himself and that he's not afraid to fight for his life and to be himself as much as possible.

However....

Our character J constantly put down other characters, treated certain situations horribly and selfishly, and tried to pass off harassment as just "feelings". While some things were good in consideration, the constant backfire of awful decision making and not very good writing put me on a standstill.

He takes "innocent" advantage of his friend while she's sleeping and when she calls him out on it, he says it'snot the way it is, and only focuses on the anger of his friend indirectly calling her a girl, and in the case of J, having a friend tell him like others have, that he's gay. And boy, does this kid hate being called gay. And not in the, "Hey, I'm not gay, I'm male and I feel really uncomfortable being called gay and I wish others would stop saying it" but in the "No I would never be gay, I'm not gay, I don't like girls like that," and constantly dehumanizing the idea all together. It's not pretty. 

Maybe someone else can get through this book, maybe someone who feels more related to the main character can take it with a grain of salt. But I really can not, for a single moment, excuse any of J's actions within the first three chapters. 

Absolutely DNFing this book.

Jessica Nottingham

What first struck me about I Am J is that it isn't just about a transgendered teen. It isn't even just about a biracial teen. No, for our protagonist J it's about both. Cris Beam shows us the very realistic life of a teen who is lost in a sea of misunderstandings, all because he happened to be born a girl and Puerto Rican in New York. For J it becomes all about understanding where he fits in over all else. To be honest, even a cisgendered person like myself can feel at least a part of J's struggle. I can only imagine how it feels to know in the deepest part of your soul that your outward appearance does not match who you really are.

I realize that the last paragraph was extremely jumbled, but truth be told it is hard for me to express in words exactly how this book struck me. I finished it almost a full two weeks ago, and yet I've had the hardest time figuring out how to share with all of you what I really thought. I Am J is one of those books that really reached in and grabbed me. I learned so much about transgendered teens and the issues that they face, but for J it was so much more than that. J not only was trying to come to terms with being a boy inside and a girl outside, but also trying to understand why his parents couldn't accept it.

Cris Beam writes such a realistic character in J that I actually became a part of his struggle. Even the smaller and more supporting characters jumped off the page and into my heart. This book is by no means an easy read, although there are definitely happier parts in it. I fully believe that there need to be more books about transgendered and bi-racial teens out there. Books like this help people who are hurting, like J, find someone else who is going through what they went through. Even if it is fiction, that can help. Also even though J isn't a real person per say, he does find some great resources that I'm sure readers can use.

Everything in this book is just purely fantastic, raw and real. I applaud Cris Beam for writing such an important and touching book, I only wish I could do better to sing its praises. It seems every time I'm faced with a truly important and deeply life altering book, I don't know what to say at the end! Nonetheless I highly recommend that you give I Am J a read! It is well worth your time, and you'll probably learn so much that you'll feel all the better for it at the end.

I Am J

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