Name: Devil Said Bang
ISBN: 9780062094575

Richard Kadrey

Getting out of hell is just the beginning What do you do after you've escaped Hell, gone back, uncovered the true nature of God, and then managed to become the new Lucifer? Well, if you're James Stark, you have to figure out how to run Hell while also trying to get back out of it . . . again. Plus there's the small matter of surviving. Because everyone in Heaven, Hell, and in between wants to be the fastest gun in the universe, and the best way to do so is to take down Lucifer, a.k.a. James Stark. And it's not like being in L.A. is any better—a serial-killer ghost is running wild and Stark's angelic alter ego is hiding among the lost days of time with a secret cabal who can rewrite reality. Starting to care for people and life again is a real bitch for a stone-cold killer.

A Sandman Slim Novel

Devil Said Bang

Getting out of hell is just the beginning What do you do after you've escaped Hell, and then gone back, uncovered the true nature of God, and then managed to become the new Lucifer? Well, if you're James Stark, you have to figure out how to run Hell while also trying to get back out of it (again). Plus there's the small matter of surviving. Because everyone in Heaven, Hell, and in between wants to be the fastest gun in the universe, and the best way to do so is to take down Lucifer, a.k.a. James Stark. And it's not like being in L.A. is any better—a serial killer ghost is running wild, Stark's angelic alter ego is hiding among the lost days of time with a secret cabal who can rewrite reality, and starting to care for people and life again is a real bitch for a stone-cold killer.

Sarah Escorsa

Actual rating: 4.586 stars. More or less.

➽ 
  Question
: How can you not fall head over pincers for a guy who says stuff like:
  “I am bacon, hear me roar.”
And also stuff like: 
  “So what’s this all about? You and your crew want a raise? How about two weeks’ vacation while I pull out your intestines with an oyster fork?”
➽ 
  Answer
: you bloody shrimping cannot. I mean, seriously. My boyfriend Jimmy Stark is so devilishly (view spoiler)[
  there's a pun here, just so you know. You are quite welcome
 (hide spoiler)]  irresistible I might slightly die. He's a little hot, too. I mean, that thing he has with, um, breaking furniture…Yum. Okay, so I'd rather he'd, um, break furniture with me than with Candy the Meat Grinder (CtMG™) (view spoiler)[
  don't ask
 (hide spoiler)], to be honest, but I guess crustaceans can't be choosers and stuff. Anyway, my fascinating point is: the guy's Prime Libidinous Material (PLM™). Especially with that super freaky cool mutant delightfully exotic insectile Kissi arm he was recently graced with. Now that's one Super Sexy Drool-Inducing Limb (SSDIL™), if you ask me. Well, some pathetic wimps seem to recoil and blanch and faint at its sight, but not me, nuh-huh. Because I'm no pathetic wimp, obviously. And because I have a thing for Somewhat Unconventional Arthropodic Appendages (SUAA™).



Okay, I better stop fangirling telling you about my most amazing boyfriend otherwise you might end up ODing on his dazzling yumminess and stuff.

So. About my boyfriend (view spoiler)[
  
 (hide spoiler)].

He is so divinely and scrumptiously mouth-watering, he makes my pincers tingle frenetically with joyful elation and stuff (view spoiler)[
  yes, pincers do indeed tingle, it's a scientifically proven fact
 (hide spoiler)]. There is absolutely no way I can resist a beautifully fished-up, lusciously wry and heavenly snarky guy who happens to be "a magician, an ex-gladiator, a killer, and now (view spoiler)[YES this is a REAL spoiler, read it at your own risk (view spoiler)[the Devil himself (hide spoiler)] (hide spoiler)]." That's hopelessly compelling stuff where I come from (the Marianas Trench, in case you were wondering). Another thing that makes my boyfriend slightly appetizing is that he now has a murderous magic 8 ball which is kinda sorta like a Swiss army knife. Only slightly deadlier. Also, Jimmy has super cute fluffy pet called Ms. 45. I love her. She's really, you know, cute and fluffy and stuff (view spoiler)[
  you probably shouldn't trust me on that one
 (hide spoiler)]. Also, also, he says stuff like: 
  “Answers are rare and come in their own time but hangovers are reliable and never in short supply.”
Also also, also, he says stuff like: 
  “You don’t look well,” says Deumos. “With a month’s vacation, a face-lift, and a crate of Ecstasy, I might work my way up to feeling like shit.”
Told you it was impossible not to fall head over pincers for him. Damn, the guy is so unbearably hot I might self-combust any second now.

Also, also, also, also, my boyfriend's a Rat Pack fan. And keeps talking about old Hollywood movies and actors and stuff. Sigh. If that isn't most perfect perfection, I don't know what is. Glorious deliciousness is him, I tell you!



Yes, this is what glorious deliciousness looks like in my world (the Marianas Trench, remember?). You're welcome.

So. Still not tired of hearing about my boyfriend? Haven't ODed on his wondrousness yet? Too bad. Oh, good. You're proving quite resistant for a silly bunch of spineless barnacles, you know. It's impressive, really. But I ever so slightly digress.

Okay, so in this installment, my boyfriend finds out how much being the King of Assholes (yes, this is an official title) sucks. Believe it or not, my suicidal squeeze managed to get himself stuck Downtown (aka Hell, you clueless flock) again at the end of Aloha from Hell. What can I say, the guy is voluptuously titillating but he has a thing for "dumb stunts." Which is probably part of his undying charm, come to think of it. Anyway, there he is, generally having a grand time Downtown with his hellion buddies, conscientiously attending reconstruction meetings (don't ask), gleefully dealing with Hellish bureaucracy, and getting enthusiastically mixed up in Hell politics. Time of his life and stuff. Also, everyone is trying to kill him. Yeah, so what else is new? I guess that's what you get for being a foul-mouthed bastard with an attitude and too much sarcasm for your own bad good.



Is there a point to this gif? Not sure. I shall think about it and get back to you post haste.

To be disgustingly honest, this installment is not *whispers* the most fascinating in the series so far. The Hellish politics and shenanigans are highly entertaining at first, but they get a little *whispers louder* boring less captivating after a while. And, like my boyfriend, I found myself wishing there was more people punching on his part, and less court scheming. Fortunately, this desperately dry spell didn't last long. Grizzly lobsters, high-tech ninja scuba divers and Kentucky fried insects started happening, and all was right in the world again. Then Snarky Snark—yes, I did just go there and feel no shame. Almost—managed to get back to L.A., where much stupendous mayhem, splendid possessions and non-stop homicidal action ensued. Some of it courtesy of a Lovely Little Giggly Murderous Assassin Girl (LLGMAG™), who, thanks to her manic serial killing skills, now finds herself really high up on my Need to Kidnap Adopt List (NtKAL™).



Look at my cute little baby! Such a charming, lovable kid she is.

What I find most palatably pleasing about this series is that there are no nice people in it. It's quite refreshing, really. As my boyfriend says "nice people are fucking weird," and it's better not to have too many of them running around and stuff. Especially since they tend to give me heartburn and stuff. But I digress. So, no nice people, but a beautifully screwed-up bunch of humans, monsters, non-boring ghosts (yes, there is such a thing), zombies and other assorted freaks. There is, of course, my girlfriend Candy of the superbly serrated teeth and claws. And Kasabian 3.0 (now with legs!). My old chum Allegra is unfortunately turning into a disgustingly self-righteous little bitch, but I still have hope for her. Maybe. Vidocq is not as slightly hot as he used to be, but he's French, so I guess that kind of makes up for it. Ha. Father Traven is getting more luscious by the minute. Because spoilerish reasons and stuff. And Saint James in no fishing comment. Because no fishing comment.

Anything else, you ask? Sure. Lots of spoiler spoiler spoiler stuff. And also some spoiler spoiler spoiler stuff. Not to forget the spoiler spoiler spoiler stuff. And the spoiler spoiler spoiler stuff. Prime quality spoiler spoiler spoiler stuff abounds in this installment! And I'm pretty sure it's about to get much worse in the following ones! Yay!

» And the moral of this Bloody Shrimping Hell It Looks Like Richard Kadrey Has Done it Again I Can't Be So Fishing Lucky I Better Go Down on my Pincers and Pray that this Will Last Until the End of Days Crappy Non Review (BSHILLRKHDiAICBSFLIBGDomPaPttWLUtEoDCNR™) is: this world. Those dialogues. This most wondrous potpourri of weirdoes and evil types. This My Jimmy Stark. His deliciously sarcastic, ever so slightly irreverent voice. I think I must be in Murderous Crustacean Heaven Hell (MCHH™) or something. I need to dance and stuff. Obviously.



P.S. Roman philosophers weren't Greek. They were, you know, Roman and stuff. You're welcome.
 P.P.S. (view spoiler)[
  

  

  
 (hide spoiler)]

· Book 1: Sandman Slim ★★★★★
· Book 2: Kill the Dead ★★★★★
· Book 3: Aloha from Hell ★★★★
· Book 3.5: Devil in the Dollhouse ★★★★
· Book 5: Kill City Blues ★★★★
· Book 6: The Getaway God ★★★★★
· Book 7: Killing Pretty ★★★★
· Book 8: The Perdition Score ★★★★★
· Book 9: The Kill Society ★★★★★
· Book 10: Hollywood Dead ★★★★★
· Book 11: Ballistic Kiss ★★★★
· Book 12: King Bullet ★★★★★



[Pre-review nonsense]

And, just like that, Jimmy Stark was catapulted to the top of my Boyfriend Food Chain (BFC™). Now let's dance.



Oh for Shrimp's Sake, put a little more energy into it, people! This is my bloody shrimping, super hot abomination boyfriend we're talking about here!!!



Now that's more like it! Shake your stuff, Leopard Lady!

» Full Pretty Sure Richard Kadrey Sold his Soul to Jimmy Stark Lucifer in Exchange for Most Wondrous Writing Powers There is No Other Explanation to So Much Gloriousness Crappy Non Review (PSRKShStJSLiEfMWWPTiNOEtSMGCNR™) to come.

Devil Said Bang A Sandman Slim Novel