Phil Jones

Phil M. Jones has trained more than two million people across five continents and over fifty countries in the lost art of spoken communication. In Exactly What to Say, he delivers the tactics you need to get more of what you want.

The Magic Words for Influence and Impact

Exactly What to Say

Fabian Beiner

When you say to somebody, "I'm not sure if it's for you, but.. .," the little voice inside your listener's head hears, "You might want to look at this." 

When introducing a new idea, start with, "How open-minded are you?" This will naturally attract people toward the very thing that you'd like them to support. Everybody wants to be open-minded.

It is the power in the preface, "What do you know about...?" that softly threatens their knowledge base and forces them to share the reference on which their argument is based. Often this results in them realizing their strong opinion was unfounded.

By introducing a future scenario with the words, "How would you feel if...?" you allow the other person to time travel to that moment and imagine the emotions that would be triggered at that point. 

In the previous section you learned about away motivation and toward motivation. You can apply those same exact rules to how you finish off your "just imagine" scenarios to help drive people to do the things you would like them to do.

By using the preface, "When would be a good time to...?" you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option. 

When you do get around to following up or speaking again at the agreed time, please do not ask them what they thought about what you asked them to look at. This makes it easy for them to talk bad news or bring up their concerns. Instead, swap that question with, "So, what do you like about it?" and watch them list the good-news reasons instead.

By using the words you are fearful they may give you back in the other direction, you create a scenario that completely disarms them. If you say to somebody, "I'm guessing you haven't got around to making a decision on this yet," and they say, "No, you're right. We're still thinking about it," you can open up the negotiation. If, instead, they say, "No, we have, and we've made a decision," you can say, "Great, when are we ready to get started?"

A simple change of wording puts you in control. Swap the phrase, "Do you have any questions?" with the improved, "What questions do you have for me?"

When you ask somebody, "Can I have your...?" it creates a permission-based resistance in the other person, which makes it harder to get what you hoped for, since a "yes" or "no" response is required. It can be seen as an invasion of privacy. Instead, asking the alternative question, "What's the best number to contact you at?" results in people effortlessly giving you the information you requested.

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