Henry Fersko-Weiss

From a longtime end-of-life "midwife," a practical guide to navigating the transition from life to death. "This book makes a compelling case for end-of-life doula care for the dying and their loved ones. Long-time practitioner Fersko-Weiss also discusses techniques and practices for readers who want to have a more peaceful, meaningful death experience." Library Journal (Best Books of 2017) "Fersko-Weiss's perspective is a desperately needed reminder of the value of facing life's most difficult transitions with open eyes and hearts." Publisher's Weekly (starred review) Fersko-Weiss recounts beautiful stories that show that dying doesn't need to be as bleak and soul-wrenching as we think. It can be meaningful and even life-affirming. The doula approach to death offers opportunities to explore the meaning of life and to convey that meaning through legacy work. Based on the model of care provided by birth doulas, it emphasizes thoughtful planning for how the last days of life should look, sound, and feel, and calls for around-the-clock vigil care, which provides emotional and spiritual support for both the dying person and their loved ones.

A Death Doula's Guide for Families and Caregivers

Finding Peace at the End of Life

Laura Mei

According to developmental psychologist Erik Erickson, the impulse to reflect on one's life is an inborn imperative that naturally occurs as a person reaches the last stage of life: old age. Erickson saw different chronological periods of life presenting development challenges that led to either greater personality wholeness and a sense of well-being or poorer adaptation to the world and a contracted sense of self. He called the last stage of the lifespan "Ego Integrity vs. Despair." At the heart of the conflict between ego integrity and despair are two questions: "Has my life had meaning?" and "Has my life been satisfying?" How a person answers these questions leads in the direction of either ego integrity or despair.

Ritual brings order — even if just for a brief time — to the chaos of loss. Rituals may come, wholly or in part, directly out of one's traditions and culture. When they do, it connects people to their community and an ancestral experience of loss that may stretch back across time.

Good listening begins well before the first words are uttered. It starts by shifting out of the busy mind we carry around with us at all times — a mind filled with thoughts and feelings like schools of fish that change direction in an instant and swim rapidly in every direction. We listen with only part of our mind, while the rest of it thinks about a host of things unrelated to the present moment. We jump in to share our own thoughts or experiences before the other person is finished speaking. We imagine that we understand without checking that we have it right or clarifying what we heard. If we manage to pay attention to the person, we only listen to the words and miss what they say with their body, expressions and intonation in their voice.

Centering stills the mind and accesses intuition that may help a person see things not obvious to the upper layers of consciousness. But a person needs to also open outward to listen deeply.

When the sunset smears the sky with intense red and orange colors, broken only by the last streaks of aqua, green, and blue, I feel like I'm with God. I fill my eyes with sky as it continues to change and grow grey until the night takes over. Then stars pop out, tiny pinpoints of light millions of years old, shining in the blackness.

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