K.M. Szpara

The Fellowship raised Lark to kill monsters. His partner betrayed them to the Feds. But Lark knows his magic is real, and he’ll do anything to complete his quest. K. M. Szpara follows Docile, one of the most anticipated science fiction novels of 2020, with First, Become Ashes, a fantastic standalone adventure that blends pain and pleasure and will make readers question what is real, and what is magical. Lark spent the first twenty-four years, nine months, and three days of his life training for a righteous quest: to rid the world of monsters. Alongside his partner Kane, he wore the cage and endured the scourge in order to develop his innate magic. He never thought that when Kane left, he'd next see him in the company of FBI agents and a SWAT team. He never dreamed that the leader of the Fellowship of the Anointed would be brought up on charges of abuse and assault. He never expected the government would tell him that the monsters aren't real—that there is no magic, and all the pain was for nothing. Lark isn't ready to give up. He is determined to fulfill his quest, to defeat the monsters he was promised. Along the way he will grapple with the past, confront love, and discover his long-buried truth.

First, Become Ashes

Sabetha Danes

K.M. Szpara is a master of writing traumatic experiences, and the road to recovery. Docile was one of my favorite reads from last year. So when I received the email from NetGalley announcing that I was approved for a copy of First, Become Ashes I squealed out loud. I thought I was prepared to be broken and rebuilt. But no. I wasn't prepared at all. 

Every point of view in this book is masterfully constructed. The profound level of anguish within each chapter draws you in and doesn't let go. I think I read this book in less than 24 hours. I just couldn't put it down. I had to know if the characters made it out of their mental struggles, and were able to see the other side. If Lark can find the rainbow with everything that he experienced, that has to mean their is hope for the rest of us right?

Having read many accounts from outsiders looking in on cults, it was refreshing in a terrifying way to see the innerworkings of a mind within the followers (or anointed). We see the news of cults being "liberated" and often think, "so great those people were freed from a crazy person". But it's not that simple. Real people believed with everything they had in that person. There are real minds facing cognitive dissonance that can't be cured by someone saying "it wasn't real". You can't overcome that level of cognitive dissonance without first burning everything you are as a person, and rebuilding yourself from the ashes. 

The way the author tackled this 'after it falls' period, dripped with the feeling that the author did the leg work to understand what goes into being devoted to a cult. Having read Docile, I couldn't imagine any other author writing these experiences. 

I was also thankful that the story does not focus on what was done to them during their time behind the gates. Like Docile, the book sets the stage by touching on each aspect of the trauma but lets your mind fill in the rest. By doing this, it gave the book a faster pace, I could envision all the horrors without having to read each transgression on the page. The day to day life while in the cult would have been a book in itself, and that wasn't this story.

Larks journey is empowering in ways I would have never expected. From the connections he makes with outsiders, to the way he comes to terms with his reality being shattered, it's a must read ride. But it's not just him. Every point of view character in this book has a journey that is inspiring, surprising and well written. They were real people that we all know in life. 

Calvin was every nerd, wishing the lord of the rings was a place we could visit. I was so thankful for the add in of this con / nerd duo. The two of them brought a comic relief that broke up the horrors of the cult in the right way. It bridged the magic of the cult with the magic of the outside world in a way that amplified the story.

The use of pronouns, gender and sexuality is well crafted. Loved how real it felt, flowing off the characters tongue with ease, not awkwardness or trepidation in the other characters response. It was just apart of society. Normal.

Finally, the use of magic. I don't want to give away spoilers, and it is hard to discuss this aspect of the book without doing so because it was woven into the plot so masterfully you have to read it to understand how much mind f*ckery is going on with it. I mean it's a cult, the magic was obviously a lie. Right? Was it a lie? I NEED TO KNOW. 

If you loved Docile, you'll love this book. 

Note: LGBT Rep. HP Mention. 

Trigger Warnings: Rape, abuse, ptsd, explicit sex, sex with minors.

Cristina Cicivelli 

What if you have lived all your whole life training to fight monsters, to use your magic to save the outside worlds from their influence, only to discover that none of it seems to be true? You go on a quest with the help of a cosplayer that would desperately want for magic to be real, obviously.

First, Become Ashes may seem a fun fantasy novel, and yet it’s way darker, more complicated and unique than what it appears. In fact, few writers can write about feelings, pain and trauma, but also healing, like Szpara does, in a way that feels so realistic it almost hurts.

Thanks to different POVs perfectly intertwined, each giving away a different glance on the story, and an interesting word building constantly on the thin line that separates reality and fiction, where it's never sure if magic is a product of the characters’ imagination or something that actually exists, Szpara creates a story in which is easy to dive in. Everything is handled so perfectly from the beginning to the ending, that wrapped the plot in the most satisfying way.
A little detail that I really liked is how, in a very peculiar way, this book highlights the importance of pronouns, showing how the act of stating them together with our name should be a normal and common practice. 

I loved all the characters and their relationships, their interactions, so deeply. There is just something heartwarming in seeing the strong bonds that connect them and how they evolve throughout the story, allowing all those broken children to learn to trust in each other and to find comfort in a pair of friendly arms when everything seems dangerous and full of monsters. 

This one is a book I still find it pretty difficult to talk about, and definitely not one I would advise everyone to read, as it deals with a few heavy themes. But if you can stand them, I can’t recommend First, Become Ashes enough: a story about the importance of choosing for ourselves which path to take, finding our own truths among what others taught (or imposed) us and, most importantly, deciding where to stop sacrificing everything for what we believe in.

  [ an ARC was provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review ]

Vin 

Holy unreliable narrator, Batman. 

First, Become Ashes was my most anticipated read for this year and I’m glad that it held up to most of my expectations.

FBA is a book filled with monsters, magic and...unpleasant circumstances. It’s an intense read from start to end. I was continuously questioning what the hell was going on and what was actually real or not. 

Lark was a really hard character to enjoy for most of the book. His devotion to the cult and the constant rebellious attitude grated on me, but I think that’s due to the fact I just wanted him to understand and get help with the abuse and trauma he’s suffered through. 

Kane’s chapters were my favourite. I found them so intriguing and engaging and it made me want to delve deeper into the history of the cult. His character arc was interesting and I mostly just felt so awful for him. 

I can say I wasn’t entirely fond of the whole Calvin thing, like i was a bit bummed when the plot took that type of turn because I was really hoping for a good cult based story, but it was still enjoyable. 

Over all, I enjoyed First, Become Ashes. 
It wasn’t as heavy as Docile but really packed that emotional punch that Szpara knows how to dish out.

[ 3 stars due to the HP references in the book and the acknowledgment. ]

First, Become Ashes

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