Gary D. Chapman

The five love languages

behringlukas

One loves that for which one labours, and one labours for that which one loves.

Gary Chapman

Outlines five expressions of love--quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch--and explains how to identify and communicate effectively in a spouse's "love language."

The Secret to Love That Lasts

The 5 Love Languages

nanafark

Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.

"Remember, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are simply our psychological responses to the events of life."

Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally.

- Over 11 million copies sold - #1 New York Times Bestseller for 8 years running - Now celebrating its 25th anniversary Simple ideas, lasting love Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life? In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today. The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work. Includes the Couple's Personal Profile assessment so you can discover your love language and that of your loved one.

The Secret to Love that Lasts

Melissa Palmer

It is interesting that most people have a primary love language that is one of these five categories. This book explains each language and how people who are married/in a relationship/parent to a person in each category can help have the best relationship with that person.

Briar's Reviews

I was recommended this book by my counsellor, and I have to be honest; it's way better than I expected.

This book is a great tool if you're looking for some "simple fixes". Keep in mind, all relationships take work. This book gives suggestions on how to help understand your partner's (and your own) love language. Love languages are the ways your partner feels "love" through the things you do, the things you say, and how you act. It's a very thoughtful idea that is simple in nature, but a little harder to do in practice. If you're feeling hopeless and just want some different ideas, this book is excellent!

I really liked the book because it felt like I was chatting with the author. It's very conversational and it's very to the point. There's "real life" examples of couples, and it sometimes seems too easy. Some of the situations definitely didn't resolve that easily, but I am guessing that the tips of trying to understand what makes your partner feel loved helped develop their relationships.

Is this the end all, be all way to save your marriage or relationship? No. Can it give you ideas to understand why your communication skills aren't on point? Yes. Maybe you don't realize that you partner feels loved when you run errands for them. Maybe you don't realize that your partner needs a lot of quality time, one on one. Lots of people can't see what's in front of them! This book is a great way to remind the simplicity of the 5 ways you can appreciate someone.

The book is uplifting and suggests that relationships can be mended (and they definitely can, in some circumstances). I do not think this will help everyone. I don't think this should be the way someone fixes their relationship (get counselling, the works as well as reading this book). 

Are there negatives? Absolutely! The gender roles seem very... stereotypical. What housewife doesn't want to just be someone to does all the chores to make her husband happy? Gee golly! Men crave sex more than women do, in fact women don't normally crave sex at all! Men might cheat, but women can get over it. Yeah, lots of problems. And of course, only heterosexual couples are talked about. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt to say somehow in his whole career he ONLY dealt with heterosexual couples... It's a super big, ridiculous benefit of the doubt... But I'm hoping that's it. Oh, and a pinch of religion in there.

*If you can't sense my sarcasm in the last few sentences, please re-read and add a sassy, sarcastic tone. 

Overall though, I enjoyed it. I think it's a great way to help teach people some basic concepts in a fun and engaging way.

Four out of five stars.

Kehinde Adeleke

** spoiler alert **
           Amazing read. Very informative for folks who want to love their partners well.

this book was the first self-help book i read as a young adult and my tbr list kept building from there. i think it made me fall in love w/ reading again after stopping for a bit around high school.

i found the idea of the book fascinating and it was like it made me see the world in a completely different view. it helped me realise ways to become happier in my relationship and i could totally see what i actually need from a spouse to feel fulfilled.

i tried to explain this to my boyfriend many times, believing that this would be the ultimate solution to any problems that might arise, but unfortunately, he's not into the self-growth world. 

that being said, even if you're the only one following this book's advice, you will definitely see the change in you and this will have an impact on your relationship too.

another thing that i liked was how this concept can be applied in raising children as well. and there's another book by the author dedicated to this if you're interested.

i think i can't recommend it enough, especially to married people and parents.

this book was the first self-help book i read as a young adult and my tbr list kept building from there. i think it made me fall in love w/ reading again after stopping for a bit around high school.

i found the idea of the book fascinating and it was like it made me see the world in a completely different view. it helped me realise ways to become happier in my relationship and i could totally see what i actually need from a spouse to feel fulfilled.

i tried to explain this to my boyfriend many times, believing that this would be the ultimate solution to any problems that might arise, but unfortunately, he's not into the self-growth world. 

that being said, even if you're the only one following this book's advice, you will definitely see the change in you and this will have an impact on your relationship too.

another thing that i liked was how this concept can be applied in raising children as well. and there's another book by the author dedicated to this if you're interested.

i think i can't recommend it enough, especially to married people and parents.

Róbert Istók

Such a great book. I never thought about people having different ways they feel loved, and this book opened my eye to the path of having more fulfilling relationships.

For use in schools and libraries only. Outlines five expressions of love--quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch--and explains how to identify and communicate effectively in a spouse's "love language.

Alex Ker

Perhaps too much of an over-simplification on love and the theories behind why conflicts arise; nevertheless Chapman establishes solid taxonomy for communication and an authentic place to begin discussions.

Ashley Janssen

While I appreciate the concept and can see the premise of the 5 love languages, the book is sexist and heteronormative. I couldn't finish it.

Yesenia Vargas

Must read for married couples! 

I'll admit this book was a little hard to get into at first but then I couldn't put it down. It really is life changing. I've always had a hard time expressing how I feel even with my husband but I feel like this is going to help a lot. So many amazing insights! I love how it also applies to kids and other relationships. This will also make you a better parent!

the secret to love that lasts

Sarah Ryan

I had seen this book mentioned by several bloggers over the last couple of years so decided to give it a read. It's a short book which I read very quickly. Found the concepts of different love languages very interesting. Bible references weren't for me.

Andrea Alvarado

este es uno de los libros que más ansiaba terminar y criticar. creo que es importante comenzar con lo siguiente: el autor. gary chapman es un hombre blanco, heterosexual, estadounidense y pastor bautista (evangélico). sí, son datos relevantes para el contenido del libro, porque éste se ve influenciado por su escritor. 

los 5 lenguajes del amor es un libro que debe tomarse con pinzas, pues el 98% del tiempo lo leo con una cara de "khe", que otra cosa. el 2% del tiempo, tiene uno que otro aspecto rescatable, tristemente camuflado para promocionar su idea de que todas las personas tenemos algún o varios lenguajes del amor. como tal, los lenguajes del amor no son una teoría, ni se encuentra fundamentada por criterios científicos; sino, se trata de una ¿preferencia? de trato por parte de las personas con las que nos relacionamos. la clave científica, me parece a mí, apenas es mencionada con la teoría del apego de bowlby y como digo, puesta según el beneficio del autor. 

rescatar quién es el autor es clave para la lectura. los casos se expuestos, son todos pertenecientes a familias estadounidenses, creyentes (posiblemente todas, evangélicas), heterosexuales, monógamas... y la lista puede seguir. por tanto, el contenido de este está dirigido a este tipo de población. de hecho, gran parte del libro se encuentra fundamentado o toma referencia a las lecturas presentes en la biblia. nada en contra de la creencia de la persona que lo lee, pero me parece un factor importante a considerar, ya que se fundamenta en la idea de que "el amor todo lo puede" e implícitamente, motivando a la idea de soportar por mucho tiempo un trato que no se merece, haciendo énfasis incluso al "amar al enemigo" o a la persona que no nos ama, porque de esa manera seremos juzgadxs. lo cual es suficientemente problemático ante los "consejos" que da ante una mujer que está decidida a dejar su matrimonio ya que la relación que mantiene con su marido se encuentra, lamentablemente, marcada por el maltrato psicológico. 

lo problemático con los casos presentados, es que perpetúan el modelo social y antiguo del amor y del género: las mujeres son predominantes en los el tiempo de calidad y las palabras de afirmación, mientras que los hombres se inclinan más por el contacto físico (el sexo, sobre todo) y los actos de servicio (el quehacer doméstico, cuidar a les hijes...) para sentirse "amados y apreciados". una tesis que me causa muchísimo conflicto. 

me parece que mucho de lo que aconseja, se basa realmente en aspectos como la empatía, la comunicación asertiva, la escucha activa, confianza, sinceridad, y el apego seguro (este aspecto siendo clave desde la infancia), camuflados en los cinco lenguajes. de hecho, uno de sus capítulos hace referencia a los lenguajes del amor y les niñes, que, en mi parecer, tiene mucho más que ver con la teoría del apego, la crianza autoritativa/democrática, la crianza y la disciplina positiva. asimismo, veo importante incluir las distintas necesidades de los grupos etarios según su etapa de desarrollo. 

asimismo, encuentro reduccionista creer que el amor se crea y se trabaja según estos cinco lenguajes, en un contexto estadounidense. hace falta variedad: relaciones poliamorosas, no-necesariamente-matrimoniales, cultural, religioso/espirtual y sexualmente diversas; el amor se vive, se expresa y se celebra de formas distintas en un mismo continente y en el resto del mundo. hace falta ver qué pasó con aquellas parejas que no lograron salir adelante tras sesiones o charlas de este señor (porque sí, habrán) como antítesis, considerando que no todo método funciona para todas las personas. 

es un libro "fácil" de leer, con algunas enseñanzas que pueden ser útiles para quienes se adentran por primera vez en la profundización del ético querer, pero no sería una recomendación inmediata.

Caroline Lewicki

This was an interesting read to learn more about the love languages. I appreciated the in depth looks at what the languages were and how I could better speak my husband's love language and help him speak mine (he's a "words of affirmation", I'm "acts of service"). However, I felt that Chapman had some misogynistic undertones and a lot of the advice surrounded applying scripture and religion to your love language.

If you're interested purely in identifying your love language, I recommend taking the online quiz and reading the chapter on it from this book. Otherwise, it's worth skipping.

Milo Jean

"When it comes to The 5 Love Languages not only does Gary Chapman explain each love language using detailed anecdotes of couples he had encountered throughout his time being a relationship counselor but he also ends each section with a list of examples of using each love language. This was a really great jumping off point for me since I could try out some ideas and see how my Love reacted before getting creative and making up some ideas of my own."

 Read entire review here: http://www.sugarysweetnothings.com/?p...

Bryan Maniotakis

This is already a short book, but could definitely be even shorter considering most of the examples are exactly the same. As an aside, this guy needs to chill on all the religious interference.

Erin Noel

The theme of 5 love languages has come up again and again my life. My application may be shaky, but it has certainly served me well in terms of having a bit more insight into what other people need to feel loved.

Kimi 

Insightful and good to be aware for yourself and others.

Andrea McGuffey

Every married couple has to read this book.

Chii

I would say this book is a remarkable one for me as it introduces a few concepts that I am not entirely familiar with. Besides, the author's storytelling is very smooth and friendly. An easy read with a lot of lessons to learn still.

Explores the all-important languages of love, helping each partner discover which actions are interpreted by the other as loving and affirming, and which as indifferent and demeaning. With study guide.

How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Five Love Languages

Janet Doré

Having spent more hours than I can count attempting to speak my guy’s native tongue, I can tell you unequivocally...learning a second language is tough, but so worth the investment. Obviously, the more you can learn before you’re thrust into a situation demanding fluency, the better. If you’re reading this and relishing in your good fortune that you and your mate have always spoken the same language, I’m joining author Gary Chapman in possibly bursting that bubble. The odds are that you’re floating in my boat and you don’t even know it.

Have you ever felt kinda lonely despite the fact that your partner is in the same room? Or, maybe like you’re running a bit low on love? Do you sometimes feel frustrated that your mate just doesn’t get it? Chances are you’re one of the overwhelming many who just answered “Yeah,” “Yup,” and “Definitely!!!”. If you are and you did, I have some fabulous news. There’s a legit and quite solvable reason that you (and probably your partner) feel this way...and, this book will help.

First, you'll figure out what specific “love language” you speak. (If you're still clueless by the end of the last chapter, there's one of those fun little quizzes that will ensure you have the answer.) Next, you'll quiz your partner. If your languages are one and the same, high five and start conversing. If not, hit the book. And, remember...even with the best of teachers, learning a new language requires commitment, patience, and (tedious) hard work. The reward comes on that day where it happens...you’re fluent! Proud to be bilingual. And, your answers to my previous questions will undoubtedly change to “Noooo,” “Nope,” and “Only about once a month.”

The five love languages

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