Harville Hendrix

Originally published in 1988, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT has helped thousands of couples attain more loving, supportive and deeply satisfying relationships. In this groundbreaking book, Dr Harville Hendrix shares with you what he has learned about the psychology of love during more than thirty years of working as a therapist and helps you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship. For this edition of his classic book, Dr Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, have added a new introduction describing the powerful influence this book has had on so many people over the years. With its step-by-step programme, GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT will help you create a loving, supportive and revitalized partnership.

A Guide for Couples

Getting the Love You Want

Eva Decker

3.5 stars. Helpful but focuses exclusively on heterosexual, monogamous couples. Does not discuss issues around privilege, race, or gender which can appear in a relationship, and present challenges of their own. Does not discuss open or polyamorous relationships and the unique challenges they present.

The Imago Dialogue technique (mirroring, validating, and empathizing) is excellent advice for anyone who wants to become a better listener—regardless of if that person is your partner.

Other takeaways:
- Avoid “parallel monologue”
- Ask “is there more about that?”
- Loving acts should not be conditional or transactional
- Your neural pathways cannot experience humor and anxiety at the same time
- “Small change produces sustainable change.”
- Eliminate negativity in all forms

Janet Doré

Once upon a time two soul mates reunite after unconsciously searching for each other since being wrenched apart in a past life. When they reunite, they are mutually overwhelmed by a strange familiarity. They marvel at the feeling that they’ve known each other forever and are exactly where they’re meant to be. The relationship launches into the stratosphere and bliss abounds. Until one day…the criticism starts. The nagging begins. The stratosphere begins to vibrate with tension, tempers, and tears.

When it comes to love, who doesn’t crave a fairy tale? Not Harville Hendrix. And, for very good reason.

In Getting the Love You Want – A Guide For Couples, Hendrix obliterates the aforementioned fairy tale with his Imago Theory. Rather than stemming from a supernaturally romantic place, Harville’s premise is that we are actually unconsciously and intensely drawn to those potential partners that most resemble that caretaker we all had…the one who intentionally or unintentionally chipped away at our youthful psyches. A mother, father, grandparent, brother, sister…any caretaker from whom we desperately sought love and approval yet somehow came up short. No, we’re not masochists…we’re hopeful. Maybe this time around, their love and approval will be forthcoming and our hole(s) will be patched. The good news is that with this book and mutual motivation, it’s entirely possible for a couple to heal their hurt inner children together.

This is far from a light read. It’s packed full of sometimes mind spinning technical information. It’s for those individuals who crave deep self-awareness or those couples who are serious about healing each other.

If you’re single, check out Keeping The Love You Find. In exchange for relinquishing the fairy tale, you’ll exponentially increase the odds of landing in a healthy relationship.

Getting the Love You Want A Guide for Couples

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