Why Mummy Doesn't Give A **** The Sunday Times Number One Bestselling Author

Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more effing phases I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me "it's just a phase!" for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is "just a phase". Potty training and the associated accidents is "just a phase". The tantrums of the terrible twos are "just a phase". The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1 p.m. without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All "just phases"! When do the "phases" end though? When?!