Grumpy Cat

Internet sensation Grumpy Cat's epic feline frown has inspired legions of devoted fans. Celebrating the grouch in everyone, the Grumpy Cat book teaches the fine art of grumpiness and includes enough bad attitude to cast a dark cloud over the whole world. Featuring brand new as well as classic photos, and including grump-inspiring activities and games, Grumpy Cat delivers unmatched, hilarious grumpiness that puts any bad mood in perspective.

A Grumpy Book

Sarah Sammis

Missy Zuber 

Grumpy Cat is an amusing little sour puss and I thought this was cute.

Definitely a book for Grumpy Cat fans.

Sarah Escorsa

Grumpy rating: -10 stars. Obviously.



Yeah, it's ALL bad. Especially this book. I hated every second of it. Reading it is was a pain from start to finish. I'm telling you, this was an even more horribly excruciating experience than having your pincers pulled. For the faint of exoskeleton this is not, my Grumpy Barnacles. My inner Grump-o-meter was already reaching alarming levels before reading this horrid thing, but now? There is so much nefarious grouchiness in me I think I might implode any second. I mean, thanks to this horrific book, I just learned that:

💀 “65% of wars are caused by puppy trickery.” 
Why am I not surprised? Puppies are disgusting. 

💀 “Flowers are cesspools of bee urine and hummingbird spit.” 
So much for your silly golden daffodils, Mr Wordsworth. Ew ew ew and yuck yuck yuck.

💀 “A single kiss contains more germs than 100 toilet seats.”
Multiply that by 14,548 boyfriends in my harem and you get…*shudders* Note to self: don't think about it, Sarah. Do NOT think about it. 

💀 “Cute, laughing babies are responsible for 99.5% of horrible diseases in the world.”
Already knew that. Why do you think I eat them for breakfast?



So here I was, embracing grouchiness like no shrimp had ever done before. His Grumpiness, however, thought I was feeling a bit too cheerful and jolly and stuff, and therefore decided to share the following meditation exercise in the hope that it would help unleash my inner grump once and for all:

“Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and envision the following…A bluebird serenades you from a nearby branch, keeping time to the musical babble of the brook that flows through the forest…and it poops on you. When you look up, it poops again. In your eye.” 

Best meditation ever, if you ask me. It made me feel instantly worse and put me in the most awful disposition. 

 

See? It worked! Success and stuff! ← Oh, dear. I do apologize, Your Grumpiness, I never meant to sound so revoltingly positive here. This meditation was a total failure, I assure you.

Not only reading this horrendous book was a dreadfully abhorrent experience, but it also made me realize that Grumpy Cat and my shrimpy self most unfortunately share despicable book taste. Yes yes, we do indeed. Looks at this:



A kindred spirit! Finally! Oops, sorry, what I meant to say was: oh bloody shrimping fish from hell, don't tell me I finally found a kindred spirit! Please say it isn't so and stuff! Yes, that's much better worse. Still, that was really close. Phew and stuff. Another slip of the tongue pincer like this one and I'm pretty sure I'll get my inner Grump-o-meter confiscated. A good thing His Cantankerousness provided me with a Grumpy Emergency Action Plan (GEAP™) to ensure I met the Bare Irascibility Minimum Requirements (BIMR™) always.

 

Pretty handy list, that.

» And the moral of this I'm So Glad This is Over It Was Really a Most Traumatizing Ordeal and I Loathed it Loathed it Loathed it Also I Did not Enjoy it At All Hatefully Crappy Non Review (ISGTiOIWRaMTOaILiLiLiAIDnEiAAHCNR™) is: 





[Pre-review nonsense]

Don't look at me, this is Evgeny's fault. Grumpy Cat is his spirit animal, after all.



» Full Please Forgive Me Evgeny Grumpy Cat for I Have Sinned and Failed to Rate this Book One Pathetic Little Star as You Obviously Would Have Preferred Crappy Non Review (PFMEGCfIHSaFtRtBOPLSaYOWHPCNR™) to come.

Grumpy Cat A Grumpy Book

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