Meredith Russo

My name is Amanda. I’m 18. When you look at me, you might see that I’m pretty and popular; you might think my life is easy. But being me has never been easy. Because I haven’t always been Amanda. When I was born, I was named Andrew. Now, at my new school, I finally feel like myself. But do I owe my new friends the truth about my past?

If I Was Your Girl

Sarah Sammis

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo is one of the best YA romances I've read. Full stop. Amanda Hardy is the new girl in Lambertville, come home to live with her father. She's planning to just get through her last couple years of high school, flying under the radar as bast as she can. And then she meets Grant Everett and all those plans go out the window. 

http://pussreboots.pair.com/blog/2017...

Moxie Minion

** spoiler alert **
           What I found incredibly touching in the story was the Amanda's friends. Through all the will they or won't they of the plot, they come down and love her right where she is right when she needs it most. It isn't about Amanda coming to them, or evening meeting in the middle, they came to her and the level she was on at the time.

I also really enjoyed the Authors note at the end, which I will admit I normally skip. The author is 100% aware that they have shared a work of fiction. Amanda had luxuries in her transition that are not afforded to the every day person. Her surgeries, and being able to start HRT at a younger age both are nearly impossible in todays climate.

Remember Trans Lives Matter, and affirming healthcare is a human right.

੭ nini 𐙚  ׅ  ᮫  ⊹

** spoiler alert **
           i cried so hard.

amanda s.

This is the first 'serious' LGBT themed novel that I read. 

Sure I've read M/M romance, even the one that featured a menage. Heck, I even has shelves for them. LGBT is not something new for me, but this book is the first one that actually brought up the social issue about it, especially in the point of view of transgender. 

Andrew, or we know now as Amanda, is struggling to find herself. She's not safe in her old town that's why she's moving with her dad and enrolled in new school. Meeting new people even falling in love with her new identity never felt so easy. Plus, Amanda turns out to be a beautiful young woman. But still, living a life with a huge secret wighing you down is never okay. Constantly conscious of herself, Amanda's life almost felt like a ticking time bomb that's ready to blown. And of course, it did. 

In a way, I can relate to Amanda. She's basically thinking what eveyone's thinking in terms of being new kid in school, trying to make friends and understanding her parents. But somehow I really think Amanda's in in the lucky side because, well, she's pretty. She stands out because of her beauty, plus with her shy and gentle attitude, it's not hard for her to make new friends already. Even guys having crush on her. So yeah, that's why this book is not that heavy and simply focused on how Amanda try to live her new life as a girl. 

3.5 stars from me.

Carrie Kish

It gives a a different perspective of the struggles, hardships and mental/physical abuse that a trans girl goes through. While educating on the subject it still tells the story of this young girl and still shows that she has light in her life along with the bad.  It’s a very sad book with little bursts of happy. Definitely is a page turner. I definitely think it’s a good read especially if you don’t understand a whole lot about trans people. 

Vera Parker

Jamieson

i'm so glad I finally read this book. It's been sitting on my backlist collecting dust and I'm SO GLAD I finally read it. 

This is an ownvoices book about a transwoman called Amanda who moves schools in order to live with her father. It follows her becoming situated in the town, and trying to navigate high school life, whilst not outing herself as trans to those she meets. 

I think this was definitely a strong debut, the prose really carried me through this book and so it was a quick and easy read - very engaging. Amanda is a strong character and I also thought the side characters were interesting. The trans issues were dealt with wonderfully, and I really liked the authors note about representation at the end. 

This is a hard book to read, because there's a lot of outing and homophobia/transphobia, as well as rape and sexual assault. One thing I really didn't like about this book was the open ending, and the representation of the bisexual character. 

But overall this is a book I think everyone needs to read - ownvoices trans stories published by major publishers are rare and we're privileged to have this one. It's enlightening and important and offers a message of hope despite a world that can seem bleak for queer people

tw for: rape, transphobia, homophobia, sexual assault, bullying, physical assault, deadnaming and misgendering, forced outing, suicide mentions, explicit suicide attempt

a more comprehensive review to come!

Julia Lotz

10 Gründe warum ich Als ich Amanda wurde mochte

1) Alles richtig gemacht.

Fassen wir mal zusammen: Das Buch handelt von einer Transfrau, wurde von einer Transfrau geschrieben und zeigt eine Transfrau auf dem Cover. Muss ich dazu noch mehr sagen? Besser hätte es nicht sein können.

2) Es ist divers

Ich bin mittlerweile nur noch bedingt ein Fan davon, dass Themen, die Diversität betreffen, explizit als Thema in einem Roman aufgegriffen werden. Mittlerweile finde ich es schöner, wenn das alles als etwas ganz normales behandelt wird. Dennoch ist die in Punkt 1 genannte Mischung genau der Grund, weshalb ich es hier mehr als angebracht finde. Meredith Russo weiß wovon sie schreibt und arbeitet darüber hinaus einen wichtigen Abschnitt ihres Lebens literarisch auf.

3) ... und nicht divers.

Als ich Amanda wurde zeigt uns ganz klar, dass unsere Gesellschaft noch nicht soweit ist, divers zu denken und jeden Menschen so zu akzeptieren, wie er ist. Meredith Russo beschönigt in ihrem Buch nichts. Was sie aber auch nicht tut: Sie überzieht nichts und stellt es real und ohne Übertreibungen dar.

4) Amanda

Amanda ist so cool. Ich habe sie direkt richtig lieb gewonnen und das steigerte sich Seite um Seite und Satz um Satz mehr. Es gibt selten Protagonisten die eine Mischung aus "absolutes Mädchen" und "unglaublicher Nerd" sind aber genauso ist Amanda und das mochte ich so sehr. Ich bin mir ganz sicher, dass auch ihr sie mit dieser Art ins Herz schließen werdet.

5) Bee

Bee ist ein sehr interessanter Charakter. Ich habe im Verlauf des Buches mehrmals meine Meinung über sie geändert und ich denke das wird euch ganz genauso gehen. Dennoch ist Bee meiner Meinung nach unglaublich wichtig für das Buch und ein guter Grund, wieso das Buch genauso funktioniert, wie es funktioniert.

6) Die Kraft der Eltern

Ich habe das Gefühl, wir klappern hier fast alle Charaktere ab aber diese sind einfach fantastisch umgesetzt worden. So auch Amandas Eltern, die damit konfrontiert werden, dass Amanda trans* ist. Sie gehen sehr unterschiedlich mit dem Thema um und machen im Verlauf der Handlung viele Fehler und treffen viele falsche Entscheidungen. Sie entwickeln sich jedoch ebenso stark, wie Amanda selbst und geben dem Leser viele neue Eindrücke.

7) Highschool-Zeit

Wir alle wissen, dass Schule manchmal unglaublich gemein ist. Nicht die Schule selbst sondern Mitschüler. Genau das muss auch Amanda feststellen. Sie hat zwar mit anderen Problemen zu kämpfen, als viele von uns, aber im Grunde genommen kommt es doch auf das gleiche hinaus. Es geht darum, seinen Platz im Leben zu finden und somit eröffnet uns Amandas Highschool eine Welt, die wir alle nur zu gut kennen.

8) Rückblenden

Am Ende vieler Kapitel bekommen wir kleine Rückblenden in Amandas Vergangenheit. Ich habe mich häufiger dabei ertappt, wie ich mich Kapitel um Kapitel nur auf diese Rückblenden gefreut habe, denn sie gehörten mit zu meinen Highlights. In ihnen erfährt man verschiedene Etappen aus Amandas Leben und die sind größtenteils sehr schockierend und bedrückend. Genau deshalb liegt in ihnen aber auch sehr viel Kraft.

9) Sogwirkung

Hierzu muss ich nicht viel sagen. Das Buch selbst entwickelt eine so enorme Sogwirkung, dass ich es in zwei Lesesessions ausgelesen habe. Der Satz "Nur noch ein Kapitel" wiederholt sich in Endlosschleife bis zum Ende des Buches und nach dem letzten Kapitel will man mehr. Das macht ein gutes Buch aus.

10) Star Wars

Und den letzten Punkt habe ich mir bis zum Ende aufgehoben. Star Wars. Können wir bitte einmal alle ganz erstaunt und fasziniert schauen, weil der Begriff Star Wars in den 10 Gründen für ein zeitgenössisches Buch auftaucht? Wie die Autorin selbst, ist auch Amanda ein riesiger Star Wars Fan (Habe ich schon erwähnt, dass ich Star Wars liebe?) und findet schnell einen Seelenverwandten. Mein absolutes Highlight war die im Buch adaptierte Szene zwischen Han und Leia aus The Empire Strikes Back. Was es damit auf sich hat, müsst ihr allerdings selbst lesen.

Courtney 

The award-winning, big-hearted novel about being seen for who you really are, and a love story you can't help but root for Amanda Hardy is the new girl in school. Like anyone else, all she wants is to make friends and fit in. But Amanda is keeping a secret, and she’s determined not to get too close to anyone. But when she meets sweet, easygoing Grant, Amanda can’t help but start to let him into her life. As they spend more time together, she realizes just how much she is losing by guarding her heart. She finds herself yearning to share with Grant everything about herself, including her past. But Amanda’s terrified that once she tells him the truth, he won't be able to see past it. Because the secret that Amanda’s been keeping? It's that at her old school, she used to be Andrew. Will the truth cost Amanda her new life, and her new love? Stonewall Book Award Winner Walter Dean Myers Honor Book for Outstanding Children's Literature iBooks YA Novel of the Year A Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year A Kirkus Reviews Best Book of the Year An Amazon Best Book of the Year A Goodreads Choice Award Finalist A Zoella Book Club Selection A Barnes & Noble Best YA Book of the Year A Bustle Best YA Book of the Year IndieNext Top 10 One of Flavorwire’s 50 Books Every Modern Teenager Should Read

Debbi

I urge you to purchase this beautifully written and touching novel right now. Stop whatever you are doing and go get it. There's not a moment to waste.

Vilde

Fraser Simons

I loved this. Undeniably, it walks a line that allows it to be inclusive while also not pushing cis people too much, I think. But it’s also a really solid piece of YA romance with a sweet voice, plenty of well-earned cheese, and isn’t too easy. It doesn’t feel dark or like a horror story, and acknowledges the dangers of being trans, while also allowing Amanda to exist and be hopeful and inspiring. The audiobook narration was also _perfect_. 

In looking through other reviews here, I saw one that links to allegations against the author. Domestic and sexual abuse, as well as mobilizing fans and followers against her ex-partner. These do seem pretty credible. Plenty of receipts. I recommend googling it to check out multiple sites and not just one. If it were any other book I might not rate it at all. This book does feel important though, and if I’m willing to leave reviews of Harry Potter books, despite JKR’s widely harmful views, I don’t think not evaluating the book is the answer. You could get this book second hand without supporting the author, or from the library, etc.

Emi Gilmore 

I am not transgender, so clearly I lack some perspective from that point of view. But from my eyes this book was an amazing read.

Flavia Louise

4.25 stars
This was amazing...so effin amazing. I feel so lucky to have gotten to read this and that this is book one of 2017. I felt that way when I finished Amanda's story and even more so when I had finished the author's note. This was great. Please read it, please!

Alexa Auerbach 

Rut Sand

After some googling I found out that Ms Russo had just started her transition when she wrote this book so its not written by some cis person just making up how they feels it ´s like being trans. I'm happy to be able to understand how it feels to be trans since I have both friends and a sister who is and I really want to be supportive. However I feel like Amanda has no personality. Unfortunately her only characteristic is being a trans girl which is sad. There was so much potential in this story but I feel like it kinda flopped. But it was still worth the reading. In the book not much happens which for me felt boring but for people who like that this might be a great book.

anderson elizabeth

I don't know how to properly put into words how important Meredith Russo's works are. They make me cry from all of the emotions. I read Birthday last year and it was one of the most beautiful books I've ever read. This book is heart breaking at times and so eye opening. A lot of the story contained things that I knew often happened to trans people but hearing it told in a story made it all the more real and heart breaking. As a cis person, I'm never going to be able to fully understand or so through the experiences that Amanda's character went through. I blew through this book in a day and while there were certain parts of the story that felt rushed I think that overall it was still so important and an enjoyable read. There were points of laughter, growth, pride, pain, and fear throughout.

Caroline Lewicki

What a beautiful story. Amanda is a transgender woman, trying to live her life as normally as possible after a traumatic experience. As a cisgender woman, it's hard to understand the struggles of someone who is trans and in the midst of transitioning, but Russo does a graceful job of trying to help cisgender people understand the perspective. A terrific LGBTQ+ book.

Andy Bayliss

This book was an amazing read and the first ever novel i've read with a transgender main character. Overall this novel was very cute and soft yet also dealt with darker subjects such as depression and suicide and i loved it so much i barely wanted to put it down and managed to read it in two sittings!

Grace O'Callaghan

Please note that this is not an ownvoices review. I urge you to seek ownvoices reviews to get a fuller understanding of how accurate the representation in this book is.

Quite a bit of controversy surrounds this book. So I have very mixed feelings about it but overall I enjoyed it.

I can’t say that Amanda ever felt like a fully realised character to me. She just seems almost too perfect. She’s the girl next door, sweet and polite and can do no wrong. I never felt like I got to really know her.

 Amanda’s dad was the most nuanced characters to me. Amanda’s dad struggles with his own views and how he wants Amanda to be seen in society. We follow him as he learns to accept his daughter. Bee also had a bit more depth to her, but I would’ve liked to see more.

For what it was the romance was sweet. It’s nothing swoon worthy or remarkable, but it’s still lovely.

I think my main issue with this book is that I wish it was longer so I could’ve learned more about the characters. I feel like all of Amanda’s friends besides Bee were very surface level. I just wanted more from this book.

Whether you agree or disagree with the criticisms about this book, you can’t deny that it has helped with trans rep in books, by trans authors. I think this book was quite an important stepping stone at the time for publishers to publish more stories like this.

Obviously I can’t speak for the representation, but I thought the book balanced the hard hitting topics with the light hearted moments really well. I think it was a very hopeful book ultimately without shying away from things that can come from being trans. I just hope that this book helped someone, despite its flaws. And I hope that this book displays how much there is no one trans experience, and that we need more books following trans characters and written by trans people.

Overall, an important and sweet story that needed more depth.

Alexia

María Belén

This was an interesting read. I don't know if the book is 100% accurate in some aspects. But nevertheless I think it's an importanat story to be told. 

The plot seemed too cliché and simple at first. But I think it was intented to be. In many ways everything was new to Amanda and not a cliché. I think the author palyed with that it turned out pretty well. 

Amanda is a great character. I could connect with her ald felt for her. I even shed a tear or two in some parts. 
What I liked best about If I Was Your Girl is that it's the story of a teenage girl who wants to live and expirience things just like averyone else. I loved that the author managed to write a real and honest protagonist without falling into the trope of the 'special and different' character. 

When talking about diversity in books I think this one is a good contribution to the movement.

- hated the characters
- simplified
- ending extremly weird
