Jonathan Yanez

J. R. Castle

You know that "We come in peace" thing? Apparently, they didn't get the memo.Frank and Marine Space Corps One find themselves across the galaxy in a WWE smackdown with the legions of a boss-level villain.But the party's just getting started.He donned the mantle of a celestial knight to impress a girl, well, an empress. Now destiny's calling in a debt.A lightning-paced military fantasy full of outlandish comedy and impossible situations that will have you hailing for these Marines from the get go. For fans of Green Lantern and the Stargate Universe.For a good time, click the Buy link above. Come on, you know you want to.

Into the Breach

Sarah Escorsa

So. This book in a nutshell: “BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!”

And also: “BAM!”

And also: “WHOOSH!”

And also: “CRACK!”

And also: “HAROOOM! HAROOOM! HAROOOM!”

And also: “ROOOOOOOOM!”

And also: “AHHH!”

And also: “OOHRAH!”

Which, while a bit limited in terms of philosophical depth, isn’t a bad thing in itself. Especially not these days, when having your over-thinking little brain cells most thoroughly blasted to smithereens by pure, mindless non-stop action thingies (and their accompanying interjections) is most welcome indeed. 

When the first “BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!” happened, I was singing at the top of my exoskeleton and rejoicing and stuff, naively thinking this book might maybe hopefully perhaps be another Ice Station, meaning it had a potentially potential chance of leaving me feeling this way:



Ah, pure bliss this would have indeed been! Alas and stuff, not to be this was. 

First, because this is an uninspired Star Gate rip-off (the author actually says as much in the afterword 🤨) that doesn't know if it wants to be SF or Fantasy. Which, again and stuff, isn’t a bad thing in itself and stuff. As long as the author knows how to pull it off and stuff 👋 waves at IA and the most scrumptious Innkeeper crew 👋. Which is not quite really exactly the case here. Which might or might not result in this story being one Big Old Mess (BOM™).

Second, because Gary Stu MC of the Difficult Childhood™. The guy really is a delight to be around. Not sure what makes him more  deliciously irresistible, his Utter Unlikeableness (U²), ridiculously lame, immature sense of humor, or his uncanny ability to act like a brain-dead teenager. Probably all three, come to think of it. Then again, it might just be the chauvinistic, macho asshole in him that has me tingling all over. Not sure why I haven’t kidnapped and locked him up in my High Security Harem yet. Really not sure at all. 



Third, because clichéd clichés are clichéd as fish. And also because stereotyped stereotypes are stereotyped as shrimp. Now I could list them all here, but the apocalypse is upon on, so chop chop chop and stuff make it quick and simple I have to, before too late it is. So. One ring cliché to rule them all: the bastard frog-turned-knight and the super hot princess. Really!? Really!? REALLY!? REALLY!?

Fourth, because most Super Extra Trite Wondrously Clumsy Dialogues (SETWCD™) in the history of SETWCD™. (Bonus points for lame references and pathetic puns.) 

Fifth, because Incoherently Inconsistent Absurd Everything (IIAE™). (Because why try to make sense at all when you can well, um, you know, NOT make sense at all and stuff?) 

Sixth, because, extraordinarily resilient as I might be, there is only so much STOOPID I can bloody shrimping take. Well, there is, of course, a slight possibility that I might not be overreacting here. And that I could be right wrong in thinking that the lovely characters’ IQs are quite a whole lot negatively affected by the close proximity to the local Stargate (sorry, I meant “gateway”). Which in turns would mean that my evaluation of the overall intelligence rate in this book is somewhat spot on inaccurate. Yes, now that I think about it, it does seem pretty obvious that average IQ in this story simply cannot be lower than that of my barnacled legions. I mean, it is a truth universally acknowledged that no one can be that STOOPID, right? Right. 



Glad we agree on that one, Feline of the Slightly Evil Glare.

➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): yeah, this book could have had the Glorious Ice Station Brain Washing Effect (GISBE™). Only that it didn’t.

💌 Note to self: please do your little self a bloody shrimping favour and do try to read book blurbs from now on. Because sentences like “while the universe was still young, a brutal war was won through the blood and sacrifice of patriots,” “a former Marine and a spec ops crew find themselves across the galaxy in a WWE smackdown with the legions of a boss-level villain,” and “once again Light will do battle with Darkness” tend to be a pretty clear signal that some books shouldn’t be touched with a ten-foot pincer.



[Pre-review nonsense]

The books one picks up in a (mostly vain) attempt to beat one's reading covid slump...



Yeah, you could definitely say that. And also, this:



Review to come and stuff.

Into the Breach

Reviews