Jade Song

Ren Yu is a swimmer. Her daily life starts and ends with the pool. Her teammates are her only friends. Her coach is her guiding light. If she swims well enough, she will be scouted, get a scholarship, go to a good school. Her parents will love her. Her coach will be kind to her. She will have a good life.

But these are human concerns. These are the concerns of those confined to land, those with legs. Ren grew up on stories of creatures of the deep, of the oceans and the rivers. Creatures that called sailors to their doom. That dragged them down and drowned them. That feasted on their flesh. The creature that she’s always longed to become: the mermaid.

Ren aches to be in the water. She dreams of the scent of chlorine, the feel of it on her skin. And she will do anything she can to make a life for herself where she can be free. No matter the pain. No matter what anyone else thinks. No matter how much blood she has to spill. 

A Novel

Chlorine

I wanted to quit every day, actually. But the actual act of quitting something so ingrained into my identity was terrifying. Who would I be afterward? I couldn’t do it. I was scared.

You never thanked me for my sacrifices. Did you even notice what I gave up?

Humans often forget their curiosity has malicious intentions.

You want every detail so you can make appropriate judgments on the participants of such ambiguous events. You would like to decide whether I deserve your pity. You want all the information so you can properly decide whether what happened that night was my fault or not. Everything must be outlined in depth before I am believed—what I was wearing, what I said, how many times I said no, if I said no at all. 

During study hall, Cathy looked up reasons why periods could be late other than pregnancy, and a whole multitude of reasonable explanations popped up: overexertion, exhaustion, stress. All of which I suffered.

Such depressing symptoms, when remaining human.

I guess hearts are slippery because they’re covered in blood. I wish I could bleed mine dry. Then I’d miss you less.

On the day of my first period, I was more dead doe than human woman. Was womanhood always so violent, raw? I tried

The medical illustrations were clean, organized, easy to follow. But my period was the opposite—gut-wrenching, gross violence, marking the beginning of the end.

I transformed because I became who I was meant to be all along.

I dreamt myths larger than my girl body could hold.

We mutilated our language: 8x200’s middle 100 red, 12x25’s off the blocks sprint, 8x400 IMs descending fast, 6x25’s underwater kick, 8x50’s IM order, flipturns snorkels kickboards pulleys. A secret code, written on chalkboards and whispered among lanes, a dialect only we spoke.

maddie

May we all transcend into whichever and whatever states of being we long for.

Abigail Mills

The water sparkled like mermaid scales, calling to me.

Stas

Were you aware when I realized I was in love with you? I keep thinking back to the dawn of my awareness. I try to grasp its rays so I can stay warm, but they fly out of my hands. I have trouble holding on because you're not around to remind me how.

tiff <3

You’ll never learn to be better, not when winning is so addictive. 

“ But happy ending romances were for girls. And I was not a girl? I was a mermaid.” 

If someone ever said this about me I’d collapse. BUT when she speaks about Cathy…ooooooo…oh.

“I wasn’t attracted to Brad. It was more the attraction I’d have toward a cup of raw broccoli if I was starving.” 

“I guess hearts are slippery because they’re covered in blood. I wish I could mine dry. Then I’d miss you less.” - (Cathy, 5) 

I was newly aware my parents were people who carried their burdens on their bodies rather than within themselves--this was my doomed inheritance.

My mother’s cooking tasted better than he did. 

On the day of my first period, I was more dead doe than human woman. Was womanhood always so violent, raw?

But let me be clear, so you cannot misconstrue my motives: while my journey may seem lonesome, I was never alone in my scars. 

I dreamt myths larger than my girl body could hold. 

This is definitely not a review, but more like a journal I keep after reading this book.

To future me, who probably is curious enough to wonder what books I've read when I was feeling suicidal, this is one of those.

With this book, you'll remember the feeling of wasted potential when you were at your highest point of your life, but nobody in your circle seemed to notice how it would become a double-sided sword to you. How those potentials became something you wished people would see so you didn't feel alone with what you've got, confused, and exhausted.

With this book, you'll remember the path you didn't take because you sacrificed a lot of things. Things you failed to bring up when someone asked what it would be because you were afraid that what if it was just a small, unimportant thing for them, so you swallowed it all.

You cried reading this book because you could relate to Ren Yu. You pushed through, like her, and did everything to save yourself without proper guidance, so you unknowingly chose destruction instead. Ren Yu's every decision was a cry for help, and no one seemed to notice or was brave enough to offer help because they thought Ren Yu was a strong one.

Ren Yu was gone, but pieces of her remained in the corner of your heart, and you mourned for her ending. You wish you were as brave as her; you wish you knew how to swim on your own without a lifejacket. You wish, you wish.

This is definitely not a review, but more like a journal I keep after reading this book.

To future me, who probably is curious enough to wonder what books I've read when I was feeling suicidal, this is one of those.

With this book, you'll remember the feeling of wasted potential when you were at your highest point of your life, but nobody in your circle seemed to notice how it would become a double-sided sword to you. How those potentials became something you wished people would see so you didn't feel alone with what you've got, confused, and exhausted.

With this book, you'll remember the path you didn't take because you sacrificed a lot of things. Things you failed to bring up when someone asked what it would be because you were afraid that what if it was just a small, unimportant thing for them, so you swallowed it all.

You cried reading this book because you could relate to Ren Yu. You pushed through, like her, and did everything to save yourself without proper guidance, so you unknowingly chose destruction instead. Ren Yu's every decision was a cry for help, and no one seemed to notice or was brave enough to offer help because they thought Ren Yu was a strong one.

You knew that feeling, right?

Ren Yu was gone, but pieces of her remained in the corner of your heart, and you mourned for her ending. You wish you were as brave as her; you wish you knew how to swim on your own without a lifejacket. You wish, you wish.

To future me, you survived. You will.

gross and raw and intense. mermaids as a metaphor for being queer… hell yes!

this happened to my friend nina sawyer once

envie,

You know I do like a coming of age story that gets all kinds of weird in the middle. Swirl in some sapphic stuff and some body horror, and you’ve got a stew that I am gonna eat in one afternoon. I’ll say that. 

Apiecalypse Jen

Fellow readers, if you'd like to read a similar story that's executed really well, check out

William Morrow publishing, if you paid someone to edit this, consider being more selective in your hiring and review processes. 

Jade Song, consider a course in writing fundamentals. 

Lindy

Fellow readers, if you'd like to read a similar story that's executed really well, check out Earthlings by Sayaka Murata. 

William Morrow publishing, if you paid someone to edit this, consider being more selective in your hiring and review processes. 

Jade Song, consider a course in writing fundamentals. 

intriguing premise that unfortunately should’ve been a short story. still enjoyed! 

tori 👻

A visceral depiction of girlhood, coming of age, and the brutality of being an athlete, Chlorine explores the lengths we’ll go to to become who we truly are and what would it mean if that meant becoming a mermaid. It was pretty easy to see the direction this book was going from the beginning, but I still could not put it down. This was addicting to read and I was curious to see how the ending would play out. 

Alli

Alex S

4.25/5
An addicting read, read in less than 24 hours. It hooked me in and didn't let me go (until the last third)

If you like horror, I would definitely recommend this. But expect to be a little underwhelmed towards the end

Minh Ngo

Girlboss, gaslight, gatekeeping mermaids all to herself. She took sports anime a little too seriously.

britt

jade song’s writing was absolutely amazing. the characters in this book were so fucked up and therefore the actions were too and if song hadn’t been able to deliver it the way she did, i would really have not enjoyed this book, but she slayed.

4 stars for homoerotic friendships and mermaid related psychosis

Jaylee

Karen E

I really liked it. The descriptions were enough for my empty mind to wince and wonder. 

Unfortunately for this novel, I have read many a gory coming-of-age novel and I sort of knew what to expected. I do not believe I am desensitised but I do believe I nowadays tend to look at them with clearer eyes.

"Chlorine" does some things very well - like Ren's gradual decent into madness, for example. Until the very last minute she states her beliefs with the conviction of a completely lucid person, like what she is doing and going through is common knowledge.

And it does a lot of things just not very well. Coming-of-age novels about athletes are a ground extraordinarily ample for testing the extremeties of adolescence. At that age, one's body changes outside of their control - so much of adolescence is about the disconnect between the body and the mind and the individual; and for kids in sports, especially star athletes, this is amplified. I am sure Jade Song likely understands this better than most with her own experience as a competitive swimmer.

And in "Chlorine" there are also the added layers of the alienation of ostracisation due to bigotry and social status. But novel never truly reaches its full potential, never truly delves into those themes. It instead opts for whacking the reader over the head with its messages, outright stating its thesis on multiple occasions and/or explaining to the reader that x, y, z is Not Great and Not Right and it will Fuck Up the protagonist. It takes away from the quality of the concept and from the immersion (pun not intended) in the novel, undermining the overall experience and the true horror of Ren Yu's unmaking and remaking.

Unfortunately for this novel, I have read many a gory coming-of-age novel and I sort of knew what to expected. I do not believe I am desensitised but I do believe I nowadays tend to look at them with clearer eyes.

"Chlorine" does some things very well - like Ren's gradual decent into madness, for example. Until the very last minute she states her beliefs with the conviction of a completely lucid person, like what she is doing and going through is common knowledge.

And it does a lot of things just not very well. Coming-of-age novels about athletes are a ground extraordinarily ample for testing the extremeties of adolescence. At that age, one's body changes outside of their control - so much of adolescence is about the disconnect between the body and the mind and the individual; and for kids in sports, especially star athletes, this is amplified. I am sure Jade Song likely understands this better than most with her own experience as a competitive swimmer.

And in "Chlorine" there are also the added layers of the alienation of ostracisation due to bigotry and social status. But novel never truly reaches its full potential, never truly delves into those themes. It instead opts for whacking the reader over the head with its messages, outright stating its thesis on multiple occasions and/or explaining to the reader that x, y, z is Not Great and Not Right and it will Fuck Up the protagonist. It takes away from the quality of the concept and from the immersion (pun not intended) in the novel, undermining the overall experience and the true horror of Ren Yu's unmaking and remaking.

Moth

I was lucky enough to get an ARC of Chlorine. I did end up listening to the audiobook, which I adored. 
We follow Ren, a teenager whose life has revolved around swimming her life as she moves through high school. Early on Ren is obsessed with mermaids at a young age, reading every legend, every story. It’s for this reason she convinces her mom to let her be on the swim team. She early on is groomed by her couch, who she has for her whole career. Ren throws everything into swimming with results of scouts coming to watch her swim. But when trauma after trauma rocks Ren and she’s left feeling less than human and starts to believe she’s a mermaid herself. 
This book is extremely interesting. It’s heartbreaking. Ren is trying to be the top swimmer, but she can’t live up to Luke, a white boy on the team. Her only friends are on the swim team with her. Her best friend only stays on the team for Ren because she fears that Ren would abandon her if she didn’t have this shared interest. I recommend looking at trigger warnings for this one. Ren suffers not only the grooming stated earlier but abuse at the hands of her coach, is sexually assaulted by the top swimmer on the team, and there’s of course a LOT of body horror. This book touches on a lot of important issues. Such as the assault by a swimmer, about race, about fetishizing of Asian people, of being queer. To me, this book was very well done and will leave you believing Ren has to be still alive, having transformed into a mermaid due to her talking about what mermaids do. But part of you will question it though. 
I do highly recommend this book because of the importance of it. It deals with a lot of tough subjects, but subjects we need to address as a society.

love me a good obsessive, spiraling narrator who deals with grand illusions born out of ambition (whether from their own self or secondhand from the people surrounding them). this was honestly... a trip? i like how it deals with the turbulence of girlhood, from interpreting the distress in encountering menstruation for the first time and growing into desire and wanting when there's a lot of restriction present. ren is from a chinese immigrant family residing in a pre-dominantly white town in pittsburgh. while there's not much focus on her heritage, it is present and contributes to the feeling of restraint and pressure ren has known throughout her life. all this is combined with the demands of being an athlete, especially in a sport like swimming. it's like, even before getting into the thick of the narrative you can already sense a foreboding that something drastic is about to happen—there is an intensity clear in the telling of the story that is difficult to ignore. i initially thought ren was a bit tragic, in the way people tend to be when they're deadset on a singular goal that everything else fades to the edge of their priorities. it is all or nothing. and there's always the thought of what comes after when you get the nothing? but after ren leans into her self-realized goal of wanting to be a mermaid she finds her end goal to end all goals. she transcends, in her words, and disregards all humanly parts of herself, including her family and friends. the mermaid motif is a metaphor for so, so many things. some i understood easily, while others not so much; the surrealism contained in the story holds meaning for different things and i acknowledge that. having consistent callbacks to mermaid motifs and stories from myth was interesting.

i didn't hate this or thought it was bad. i was in the grip of the story throughout and was compelled to flip the page the entire time i was reading. the pacing was great, the writing delightful when it needed to be. but i can't say i entirely enjoyed it? i suppose i'm looking for more of an oomph for the story itself? i find myself in a situation where i would gladly recommend these to other people who fit the niche of having an interest in this kind of book. but otherwise it's not something i think i would revisit because i hold any particular attachment to it.

gabi

love me a good obsessive, spiraling narrator who deals with grand illusions born out of ambition (whether from their own self or secondhand from the people surrounding them). this was honestly... a trip? i like how it deals with the turbulence of girlhood, from interpreting the distress in encountering menstruation for the first time and growing into desire and wanting when there's a lot of restriction present. ren is from a chinese immigrant family residing in a pre-dominantly white town in pittsburgh. while there's not much focus on her heritage, it is present and contributes to the feeling of restraint and pressure ren has known throughout her life. all this is combined with the demands of being an athlete, especially in a sport like swimming. it's like, even before getting into the thick of the narrative you can already sense a foreboding that something drastic is about to happen—there is an intensity clear in the telling of the story that is difficult to ignore. i initially thought ren was a bit tragic, in the way people tend to be when they're deadset on a singular goal that everything else fades to the edge of their priorities. it is all or nothing. and there's always the thought of what comes after when you get the nothing? but after ren leans into her self-realized goal of wanting to be a mermaid she finds her end goal to end all goals. she transcends, in her words, and disregards all humanly parts of herself, including her family and friends. the mermaid motif is a metaphor for so, so many things. some i understood easily, while others not so much; the surrealism contained in the story holds meaning for different things and i acknowledge that. having consistent callbacks to mermaid motifs and stories from myth was interesting.

i didn't hate this or thought it was bad. i was in the grip of the story throughout and was compelled to flip the page the entire time i was reading. the pacing was great, the writing delightful when it needed to be. but i can't say i entirely enjoyed it? i suppose i'm looking for more of an oomph for the story itself? i find myself in a situation where i would gladly recommend these to other people who fit the niche of having an interest in this kind of book. but otherwise it's not something i think i would revisit because i hold any particular attachment to it.

Chlorine A Novel

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