Jasmine Warga

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

My Heart and Other Black Holes

Lulu Evensen

"I made you happy," he says. His words come out heavy and slow.

"If you don't talk to your dad before April seventh, you're still going to jump with me, right?"

I say yes, but I don't look him in the eye. I can't.

"Not true. It has a personality that isn't as flashy. It's deeper. It demands more from the listener. That's why I like it. It isn't easy."

I don't like the girl I see. The girl who would do this to Mrs. Franklin, who wouldn't warn her.

I wonder if there is more than one way to kill someone.

He just seems so happy, happy when he talks about you. This will be good for him, right?

Sure, there are dead stars. But at least before they died, they were stars.

"It sounds to me like you are looking for reasons to live."

The problem is, March snow days are miracles. You can't live for miracles

If I have a boyfriend, his name is Death. And I'm pretty sure Roman is in love with him, too. It's like a love triangle gone wrong. Or maybe it's a love triangle gone right: we both get the guy on April 7

"You aren't allowed to die without me" he whispers

There's something poetic about the fact that the first boy to ever ask for my number is the same boy I'm going to die with.

Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. It's not my favorite. It's too light, too pretty. It has too much longing

For the first time, I can really see it. He isn't playing around; He wants to die.

There's no need to impress this girl. I'm not trying to sleep with her, I'm trying to die with her.

He understands there is nothing special about emptiness, nothing interesting about depression.

"You just look like you want to die. "You look really fucking miserable."

Roman seems like someone who would date Georgia or wave from a float at the Homecoming Parade. Not someone who fantasizes about throwing himself in front of an eighteen-wheeler.

I wonder if he's going to miss me when I'm gone.

Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression

The type of hands that make you feel both scared and safe at the same time-and said, "You know, Zellie, there are enough broken things in the world. You shouldn't go around breaking things just for the fun of it."

Charlote

“You know, Zellie, there are enough broken things in the world. You shouldn’t go around breaking things just for the fun of it.”

Nothing scares me more than a failed attempt. The last thing I want is to end up in a wheelchair, eating pulverized food and being watched around the clock by some sassy nurse who has a not-so-secret obsession with cheesy reality TV.

The problem with suicide, which most people don’t realize, is that it’s really hard to follow through. I know, I know. People are always yammering on and on about how “suicide is the coward’s way out.” And I guess it is—I mean, I am giving up, surrendering. Running away from my black hole of a future, preventing myself from growing into the person I’m terrified of becoming. But just because it’s cowardly doesn’t guarantee it’s going to be easy.

rara

i’m crying i don’t have the strength to write a review

fizzy

I'm actually crying my eyes out. This is so Deep but beautyful

Gwenifer

★★★★☆
4.00 STARS



  "I wonder if that’s how darkness wins, by convincing us to trap it inside ourselves, instead of emptying it out." 


I've never been in a very troubled situation that makes me create troubled thoughts that can eat my mind away. I don't even know how hard it was for those people who are experiencing it in a very hard way. But that doesn't mean, I didn't feel lonely at times. Then, I actually thought that the loneliness I felt cannot be understood by others, which is kind of true, in a way. That no one can beat me on how lonely I was, but then I read this book. 


  "Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.” 


Every person handles the sadness building up inside them in every different ways possible. It differs on how people look at their loneliness in their own perspective. No one has a right to compare the pain they are feeling with other people. Even though other people might think how 'shallow' your reason can be, that doesn't mean you feel less lonely than anyone.



  Maybe it’s all relative, not just light and time like Einstein theorized, but everything. Like life can seem awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable. 


Reading this book might shed some light to those people who are going through those hardships. That despite the 'slug' inside them that's eating them, even though life seem so hopeless for them, there will be a point in time when everything will be more tolerable. When, you asked? It's for you to wait for that time. So hold on, fight. “I will be stronger than my sadness.”  This should be your everyday mantra. It is not easy, yes. It will never be that easy. It might be a lifetime process to recover. But in between those times that you are fighting, you will stumble upon reasons for you to keep living.

Julie Rubens

I finished this book in one day and I liked it a lot! It definitely isn’t my favorite book ever, but I still thought it was very good.

It didn’t make me sad but hopeful knowing that there’s other people who make it out of that depressive state. This book had me going through a whole bunch of emotions but loneliness was not one of them. 

Mariah

Such a good book!

It didn’t make me sad but hopeful knowing that there’s other people who make it out of that depressive state. This book had me going through a whole bunch of emotions but loneliness was not one of them. 



Melissa Palmer

Book #11 Read in 2017
My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

Aysel is a depressed teenager who feels as if she would be better off committing suicide. She surfs a suicide website and pairs up with FrozenRobot (a teenage boy named Roman) who is looking for someone to commit suicide with him. The two meet and plan when and how they will do it. But as that date gets closer Aysel feels as if she is not ready to give up living. Will she be able to get Roman to feel the same in time? This was a powerful read which both high school and adult readers would love. It is raw and realistic and has an important message.

Natalie 

Rating: 4.5⭐️
Rep: depression 
TWs: suicide(please be aware of this before reading‼️

Wow. This was such a beautiful book! I tried to read this a while ago but wasn’t in the right place, and I’m so glad I finally picked it back up. I’ve actually had a copy of this for years, and I definitely won’t forget this story. The way depression and suicide are talked about in this book is so painfully accurate, and the story was absolutely beautiful. I would highly recommend this, but just please be aware that it is quite heavy and deals with suicide!!

Zia Nazaliah Ainisyifa

bagusss bukunya, bener2 relate T_T jujurly, dan sangat menginspirasi tentang depresi dan kesehatan mental.

Victoria

Coming from someone who has gone through so much and is still going through a lot, this book has touched me in places more than one. I know how it feels to be so low to the point of wanting to just off yourself because things have become that insanely difficult to handle. 

And now, I know how it feels like to have someone that I can call my person. I know how it feels like to have someone I can open up to and not feel judged by. 

This story is about clinging to that hope that things will get better if you just open up yourself to the possibility of that happening. This story will stay with me for a really long time.

Emily Chernisky

The number of times I cried reading this incredibly written depressing book is insane. I loved how Aysel developed and ultimately changed her mind about suicide, and aspired to change his. The way both Aysel and Roman talked about one another was one of the cutest things within the book itself. I wish more characters had been developed better (like Tyler and Georgia) or even mentioned more (like Travis and Lance). I honestly loved this book altogether and would recommend it to anyone who enjoys a depressing yet lovely romance.

“Alive with intensity, gut-wrenching honesty, moments of humor, and—of course—heart. Not to be missed.”—Nova Ren Suma, author of Imaginary Girls and The Walls Around Us A stunning novel about the transformative power of love, perfect for fans of Jay Asher and Laurie Halse Anderson. Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness. There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.

Salem Jackson

To keep this review from becoming extremely triggering I want to keep it short and sweet by saying one thing I found the book did really well, and one thing they could have done without. I find myself doing this because the topic of the book itself is extremely triggering so I think describing it can also come off as triggering for some people and that’s not my intent so I’m keeping it short and sweet. 

One thing I found the book did really well, and that the author executed nicely, was the descriptors used for Aysel when she describes how her depression is affecting her. In her mind, her depression is a black sludge taking away her positive feelings and emotions and in return pushing out negativity and weighing her down. For me it was one of the most accurate ways I’ve seen depression get described, and the most accurate description to give in a sense. It didn’t make it pretty, or make it seem like something quirky, instead it gave the cold hard truth, and that’s something that was needed. 

One thing I feel the book could have done without however, is the love story it became. Of course, if it blossomed organically and had some starting point I’d totally have no problem with it. That’s not how this came about. Aysel and Roman met because they wanted to be each other’s partners in a scheme to get to the afterlife. That’s the only reason they even came to know each other. They were both set on this, except as time went on and it got closer to the set date, Aysel found herself wanting to live, and in turn, wanting Roman to live as well. This resulted in a kind of forced relationship pairing near the end of the book, as their relationship felt kind of rushed tbh, and Roman started liking Aysel, because he felt she understood him, he liked her sadness because it made him feel like he belonged, I guess, and his feelings stemmed because he liked how morbid her sadness was (If I had to describe that).

A brilliant and heartbreaking new novel for fans of John Green's The Fault in Our Stars and Rainbow Rowell's Eleanor & Park, about two strangers who want to die... and, in meeting each other, learn how to live. I'm getting higher and higher and I feel the swing set creak. 'Be careful,' he says. 'Why?' I'm not thinking about being careful. I'm thinking about one last push, of letting go, of flying, and of falling. 'You aren't allowed to die without me,' he whispers. Aysel and Roman are practically strangers, but they've been drawn into an unthinkable partnership. In a month's time, they plan to commit suicide - together. Aysel knows why she wants to die: being the daughter of a murderer doesn't equal normal, well-adjusted teenager. But she can't figure out why handsome, popular Roman wants to end it all....and why he's even more determined than she is. With the deadline getting closer, something starts to grow between Aysel and Roman - a feeling she never thought she would experience. It seems there might be something to live for, after all - but is Aysel in so deep she can't turn back?

this book helped me get out from my reading slump. actually a super good book it deserve more recognition, this book got me sobbing will be the book that i always recommend to  

gita

Davina 

i thought this book was cute. i cried actually :)

Stef

OMG Finally I can manage to finish this one not crying when actually I'm in work mode T.T
The feeling was same as bitter-sweet and I love the ending when both of them not trying change to-be-really-good. But still, I curious about Aysel father story from his father point of view.

Had a creative plot and it really makes you think about how you or other people's actions affect those around you. However, it took a while for the story to actually get going. But overall it had really though provoking moments.

Madelin Bourget

tina

I don’t really have that much to say about this book.

This tackled important issues but tends to sugarcoat it, creating an easy way out for the characters. The end seemed a little too convenient and unrealistic. It was sudden and underdeveloped. The representation wasn’t as compelling and the characters’s feelings seemed a little too forced sometimes. Like it was trying too hard to make their mental illness believable. Maybe that’s just me, but I just didn’t find anything good about the representation of mental illness in this book and the way it was handled— the way that they kind of just romanticize depression (like so many other YA novels that tackle mental illness do). I think the idea for the storyline was good but the execution was not. However, there were certain parts that I did like. I really enjoyed the poetic writing style. And even the family aspect that we get to see from this book. There were some quotes that I found to be really relatable as well. 

Mental illness is always going to be a difficult subject matter when it comes to stories that’s why it’s either a hit or miss for me. Fortunately, I didn’t set high expectations for this book so the bar was set pretty low. I wasn’t as disappointed as I probably would’ve if I’d thought differently. If the romance wasn’t as big of a plot device, then I would’ve liked this more. However, it is a beautifully written book and an easy read. I can see why some have adored it.

I seem to be unknowingly picking up an awful lot of suicide-related books lately, and although frankly a bit depressing, definitely an eye-opener.

Julia Lotz

Inhalt: Wenn dein Herz sich anfühlt wie ein gähnendes schwarzes Loch, das alles verschlingt, welchen Sinn macht es dann noch, jeden Morgen aufzustehen? Aysel will nicht mehr leben – sie wartet nur noch auf den richtigen Zeitpunkt, sich für immer zu verabschieden. Als sie im Internet Roman kennenlernt, scheint er der perfekte Komplize für ihr Vorhaben zu sein. Und während die beiden ihren gemeinsamen Tod planen, spürt Aysel, wie sehr sich auf die Treffen mit Roman freut, wie hell und leicht ihr Herz sein kann. Und plötzlich ist der Gedanke, das alles könnte ein Ende haben, vollkommen unerträglich ... Aysel beginnt zu kämpfen. Um ihr Leben. Um sein Leben. Und um ihre gemeinsame Liebe.

Eine Geschichte über zwei, die den Tod suchen – und die Liebe ihres Lebens finden (Quelle: Verlag)
Meine Meinung: Vor dem Lesen hatte ich einen unglaublichen Respekt von dem Buch. Ich habe mich kurz gesagt einfach nicht getraut es zu beginnen. Ich hatte Angst davor, dass es mich runterzieht, mich traurig und viel zu nachdenklich macht. Aus persönlichen Gründen habe ich mich in der Vergangenheit sehr oft mit dem Thema Depressionen beschäftigt, würde nun von mir behaupten, dass ich viel davon weiß und weiß eben auch, dass das Thema alles andere als leicht nachzuvollziehen ist. Nach dem Lesen, hatte ich zwar immer noch eine Menge Respekt vor dem Buch, hauptsächlich habe ich aber nun Respekt vor Jasmine Warga denn, was soll ich sagen, diese Frau hat es auf den Punkt gebracht. Authentisch ist Mein Herz und andere schwarze Löcher, es hat seine späteren absolut gekonnt beschriebenen Stellen. Aber anstatt meine Stimmung herunterzuziehen, anstatt mich ein wenig traurig und nachdenklich werden zu lassen, war dieses Buch eigentlich mehr zuckerwattenleicht und irgendwie auch fröhlich. Diese wunderbare Mischung zwischen Schwärze und Regenbogenfarben macht das Buch so besonders. Denn im Verlaufe der Handlung laufen beide Farben ineinander, werden eins, ohne dass eine von ihnen ganz verschwindet.
Aysel war für mich ein absolut liebenswürdiger Charakter. Ich muss zugeben, erst hatte ich so meine Probleme mit ihr. Die grenzt sich selbst aus und sieht alles negativ. Bis mir aufgefallen ist: Hey, sie hat Depressionen. Und dadurch dass das Buch aus ihrer Perspektive erzählt wird, bekommt man natürlich auch nur ihre Ansichten mit. So sieht sie in ihrer Mutter fast schon ein gleichgültiges Monster und so merkt sie nicht, wie sich jeder um sie sorgt. Es ist die schwarze Qualle, die ihr den Blick schwärzt und sie vieles eben negativ sehen lässt. Das hat die Autorin für mich absolut erfolgreich umgesetzt. Und habe ich schon erwähnt, wie sehr ich die Vergleiche mit der schwarzen Qualle geliebt habe? Absolut treffend. Ein weiterer Pluspunkt an Aysel ist außerdem ihre Liebe zur Physik. Aber genug von ihr. Auch mit allen anderen Charakteren im Buch bin ich absolut gut klargekommen. Sehr gefallen hat mir auf jeden Fall auch Roman, dessen Motive für seine Depression und seine Selbstmordgedanken fast noch ein bisschen greifbarer waren, wie die von Aysel, und natürlich auch seine liebevolle Mutter.
Ihr seht, ich bin begeistert von Jasmine Wargas Idee, vor allem von ihrer Umsetzung und natürlich von den Charakteren. Der Schreibstil ist sehr erzählend und passt sehr gut in das Buch. Es hat Spaß gemacht Aysel, ja, irgendwie zuzuhören. Allerdings hätte ich mir persönlich ein bisschen mehr Dialoge gewünscht und das ist mir eben beim Lesensehr stark aufgefallen. Auch ein bisschen mehr Handlung hätte es sein dürfen. Hier wurde aber der Fokus ganz klar auf die Entwicklung der Charaktere und auch auf die Ausführung und den Wandel von Aysels Gedanken gelegt und das ist auch absolut wichtig. Deshalb buche ich die beiden Kritikpunkte einfach mal auf mein persönliches Empfinden.
Bewertung: Ich habe mich nach langem Überlegen dazu entschlosse, dass Mein Herz und andere schwarze Löcher von mir 4,5 von 5 Füchschen bekommt. Diese Runde ich hier auf dem Blog und auf allen Portalen, bei denen es nur ganze Schritte gibt, jedoch sehr gerne auf 5 Füchschen auf, da das Buch eine ganz klare Leseempfehlung an euch ist.
Vielen herzlichen Dank an vorablesen und den Fischer Verlag für das tolle *Rezensionsexemplar.

Gisela Ayala 

I have not read something as deep and meaningful in a long time. I am not going to lie, it was pretty rough getting through the book but in a good way! I'm sure most people have known what it is to be sad but not many know what it is to live with sadness everyday. To wake up and feel hopeless and despair and never shake off the feeling that you just don't belong in the world. The words were sensitive, sweet and beautiful and I left feeling a better understanding on depression. It hurts to know many go through this without having someone to talk to, and I hope that after reading this maybe the world will seem a little less dark and a little less scary.

Bella 

It was complicated to hold my tears while reading this novel. BEYOND DOUBT HEART-RENDING.

alanis

This was honestly hard for me to review due to the things i disliked. I have to say that the book did keep me awake at night reading to know what happens but the ' theme ' of the book is a touchy one. 

Something that i didnt like was that the depression was kinda romanticized. Another thing is that at first the protagonist said that the ' stay positive ' thing didnt work but at the end she told Roman to stay positive. 

Another thing that bothered me is that if someone is depressed and read this they are going to think that if they get a bf/gf they can be saved or that the depression will go away and its not like that.

jess

while i do think this was a very good book about depression, some things didn't 100% tick with me. (the romance. i'm talking about the romance. i'm not even keeping it a secret on how much i dislike 99% of YA romances anymore; i find most of them needless, and this one - it felt like romance was what saved aysel. i believe romance does not save anyone.) 

having struggled through depression myself, i found some things very easy to relate to and some things not at all. for example, the "black slug" aysel refers to throughout the book. i felt like aysel was lucky enough to be able to separate her depression from her. but then again, everyone feels depression in different ways! perhaps i was able to relate to others' perceptions of depression more than i was able to relate to aysel's.

My Heart and Other Black Holes

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