Jay McLean

They could've been perfect. In another time. Another world. Where his wasn't falling apart. And hers wasn't already in pieces. - High school senior Holden Eastwood only has one fear in life: growing up. He spends his days unmotivated, moving from one game to the next, searching for his next challenge. He never expected that challenge to come in the form of a girl... A girl with zero fashion sense, a filthy mouth, and a bullsh*t attitude. Unlike Holden, Jameson Taylor had no choice but to grow up. Neglected, isolated, and forced to raise herself, Jameson only has one goal in life: graduate and move on. The last thing she needs is some guy she can't stand suddenly declaring her as his new hobby. Their lives couldn't be more opposite. Their pasts a complete paradox. But in each other, they find the unexpected... They find solace. Fragments of forever... A forever that might tear them to pieces.

Pieces Duet Book 1

Pieces Of You

🏹 “… I mean, just look at her… and look at me.”

“I am.” And then I clear my throat, steady my voice, filling it with enough clarity, so she never has to question what I say next. “And there’s not a single piece of me that sees you the way you see yourself.”

🏹 “Because you’re the only fucking thing that makes sense to me right now!” he shouts. And then he takes a breath as he eyes the ceiling; his hands now fists at his sides. “And I wish I knew what to make of that, but I don’t.” He reaches up, runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what it means, Jamie, and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because…'”

“It’s right above your heart,” she says simply, as if that’s answer enough. It’s not.

And I know I’m digging myself a hole I might not be able to get out of. Still, I ask, “But why a compass?”

She’s quiet for a beat. And then: “Because it’s where I feel the most found.”

🏹 “What are you thinking?” I ask, even though I'm afraid of the answer.

“Nothing really.” He throws a slight smile my way. “Just that… this suits you, being out here.”

“Yeah?” I can’t help but grin. “It feels good, being out here.” I point to my head. “I just need a straw hat.”

“Nah,” he says, lifting his chin. “I’ll do you one better. Come here.” He pats his lap, and I don’t hesitate to lay my head on there. Facing the overcast sky, I settle my arms at my side and stay quiet as I watch him reach across and pull out a bunch of daisies. He drops them on my stomach and, one after the other, starts joining them together. For minutes, we sit in silence while his large hands work delicately at making the chain longer and longer. Occasionally, he asks me to lift my head to measure the length, and when he’s not satisfied, he taps his lap again. Over and over, he does this, his brow drawn, eyes focused on his task.

“How did you even know how to make these?” I ask.

“Are you kidding?” He scoffs. “Mia used to literally stand over me with a huge stick, threatening to beat me with it unless I made, like, fifty a day for her.”

I giggle into his tight stomach. “I like Mia.”

“She’d like you, too,” he murmurs, picking more flowers from the grass beside us. “I’m trying to convince her to fly over for Thanksgiving, so maybe you’ll meet her then. My mom invited Esme, and my dad and his girlfriend will be here, too. And my grandparents.”

I can’t ignore the sudden racing of my pulse or the warmth that floats across my chest and into my heart. It comes out a whisper when I ask, “You want me to meet them?”

Holden shrugs. “Sure, why not?” He taps at my forehead, my cue to lift my head, and so I do. Carefully, he places the daisy chain around my head, and smiles when he’s satisfied. Then he places his hand on my nape, holding my head up while he snaps a quick photo, a soft smile gracing his hardened features. When he’s done, he lays me gently back on his lap. “You don’t want to meet them?”

“No, I do,” I’m quick to answer, sitting up and turning to him. “I just… I don’t know.” I sigh. “Sometimes I feel like you just say these things… throw them out as if they don’t hold any meaning—”

“And sometimes I think you underestimate me,” he cuts in. “Look, Jamie.” He heaves out a breath, leaning back on his outstretched arms. “I’m not someone who needs to deep-dive into every emotion or scrutinize everything we do.” His eyes meet mine, penetrating. “I say what I mean, and I mean what I say, and as long as you understand that, then nothing matters.”

🏹Her forearms land on my shoulders, and I dip my head forward, just under her breasts, and I breathe her in: sunshine and solace

🏹 I heave out a breath, trying to form the words. “She’s…” I kick at the tire swing. “She’s this…” Sunshine and Solace. “She’s home to me.”

I shrug and give her a truth I’d admit only to myself. “I got scared”

🏹 And you said it yourself, it’s not like we were in love! But I was, Jamie!” He points to himself, his arms moving, veins popping out of his flesh. “I was in love with you! I was so fucking in love with you that just the idea of hurting you ruined me!” He’s yelling so loud, I feel each of his words inside me, beating me down, one by one. “And if you’d given me a chance to explain that, then you’d know exactly how I feel about you! But you didn’t! And then you come here… accusing me… thinking that I would actually do something like that to you…” He laughs once, his eyes to the sky, and I don’t take a breath. Not a single one. “That just proves how fucking little you think of me!”

🏹 Holden: This isn’t easy for me, Jamie, and I want you to know that…

Holden: Walking away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done

🏹 And I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you.”

“Holden, please.” I don’t know if I can hear this. Not now. Not when I’d just come to terms with losing him. 

“I did,” he urges. “I do, Jamie. I love you.”

I inhale sharply, push back the sudden tears threatening to fall. His words are everything, but they can’t mean anything.

“And I wish that I hadn’t thrown it in your face the way I did.”

I shake my head, fight against the heartache. “It’s okay,” I say again, and I don’t know if I’m saying it for him or for me.

His touch is warm as he takes my hand, holds it palm up between us. I don’t look at our connection when he says, “I got you this. I’ve had it for a while, but I never knew the right time to give it to you.” Something cold lands on my palm, and I take a moment to settle my nerves, calm my erratic pulse. And then I look down, my stomach flipping at the sight. He says, “I realized a few days after we broke up that you weren’t wearing the mood rings anymore, but I’d already had it made it, so…”

shar

holdenjamie my children !!!

🏹 “… I mean, just look at her… and look at me.”

“I am.” And then I clear my throat, steady my voice, filling it with enough clarity, so she never has to question what I say next. “And there’s not a single piece of me that sees you the way you see yourself.”


🏹 “Because you’re the only fucking thing that makes sense to me right now!” he shouts. And then he takes a breath as he eyes the ceiling; his hands now fists at his sides. “And I wish I knew what to make of that, but I don’t.” He reaches up, runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what it means, Jamie, and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because…'”

🏹 “What’s with the compass?”

“It’s right above your heart,” she says simply, as if that’s answer enough. It’s not.

And I know I’m digging myself a hole I might not be able to get out of. Still, I ask, “But why a compass?”

She’s quiet for a beat. And then: “Because it’s where I feel the most found.”

🏹 “What are you thinking?” I ask, even though I'm afraid of the answer.

“Nothing really.” He throws a slight smile my way. “Just that… this suits you, being out here.”

“Yeah?” I can’t help but grin. “It feels good, being out here.” I point to my head. “I just need a straw hat.”

“Nah,” he says, lifting his chin. “I’ll do you one better. Come here.” He pats his lap, and I don’t hesitate to lay my head on there. Facing the overcast sky, I settle my arms at my side and stay quiet as I watch him reach across and pull out a bunch of daisies. He drops them on my stomach and, one after the other, starts joining them together. For minutes, we sit in silence while his large hands work delicately at making the chain longer and longer. Occasionally, he asks me to lift my head to measure the length, and when he’s not satisfied, he taps his lap again. Over and over, he does this, his brow drawn, eyes focused on his task.

“How did you even know how to make these?” I ask.

“Are you kidding?” He scoffs. “Mia used to literally stand over me with a huge stick, threatening to beat me with it unless I made, like, fifty a day for her.”

I giggle into his tight stomach. “I like Mia.”

“She’d like you, too,” he murmurs, picking more flowers from the grass beside us. “I’m trying to convince her to fly over for Thanksgiving, so maybe you’ll meet her then. My mom invited Esme, and my dad and his girlfriend will be here, too. And my grandparents.”

I can’t ignore the sudden racing of my pulse or the warmth that floats across my chest and into my heart. It comes out a whisper when I ask, “You want me to meet them?”

Holden shrugs. “Sure, why not?” He taps at my forehead, my cue to lift my head, and so I do. Carefully, he places the daisy chain around my head, and smiles when he’s satisfied. Then he places his hand on my nape, holding my head up while he snaps a quick photo, a soft smile gracing his hardened features. When he’s done, he lays me gently back on his lap. “You don’t want to meet them?”

“No, I do,” I’m quick to answer, sitting up and turning to him. “I just… I don’t know.” I sigh. “Sometimes I feel like you just say these things… throw them out as if they don’t hold any meaning—”

“And sometimes I think you underestimate me,” he cuts in. “Look, Jamie.” He heaves out a breath, leaning back on his outstretched arms. “I’m not someone who needs to deep-dive into every emotion or scrutinize everything we do.” His eyes meet mine, penetrating. “I say what I mean, and I mean what I say, and as long as you understand that, then nothing matters.”

🏹Her forearms land on my shoulders, and I dip my head forward, just under her breasts, and I breathe her in: sunshine and solace

🏹 I heave out a breath, trying to form the words. “She’s…” I kick at the tire swing. “She’s this…” Sunshine and Solace. “She’s home to me.”

Mia frowns. “So what happened?”

I shrug and give her a truth I’d admit only to myself. “I got scared”

🏹 And you said it yourself, it’s not like we were in love! But I was, Jamie!” He points to himself, his arms moving, veins popping out of his flesh. “I was in love with you! I was so fucking in love with you that just the idea of hurting you ruined me!” He’s yelling so loud, I feel each of his words inside me, beating me down, one by one. “And if you’d given me a chance to explain that, then you’d know exactly how I feel about you! But you didn’t! And then you come here… accusing me… thinking that I would actually do something like that to you…” He laughs once, his eyes to the sky, and I don’t take a breath. Not a single one. “That just proves how fucking little you think of me!”

🏹 Holden: This isn’t easy for me, Jamie, and I want you to know that…

Holden: Walking away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done

🏹 And I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you.”

“Holden, please.” I don’t know if I can hear this. Not now. Not when I’d just come to terms with losing him. 

“I did,” he urges. “I do, Jamie. I love you.”

I inhale sharply, push back the sudden tears threatening to fall. His words are everything, but they can’t mean anything.

“And I wish that I hadn’t thrown it in your face the way I did.”

I shake my head, fight against the heartache. “It’s okay,” I say again, and I don’t know if I’m saying it for him or for me.

His touch is warm as he takes my hand, holds it palm up between us. I don’t look at our connection when he says, “I got you this. I’ve had it for a while, but I never knew the right time to give it to you.” Something cold lands on my palm, and I take a moment to settle my nerves, calm my erratic pulse. And then I look down, my stomach flipping at the sight. He says, “I realized a few days after we broke up that you weren’t wearing the mood rings anymore, but I’d already had it made it, so…”

It’s a silver pendant with a mood ring center and dahlia petals all around it. I close my fist around the cool metal and bring it to my chest, a single sob escaping me. And it’s not even about the gift or the boy giving me the gift. It’s a reminder of what I loved, what I lost. He’s giving me a piece of my heart back—a piece I thought I could live without, but I couldn’t. 

Through tear-filled eyes and a shattered soul, I ask, “How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“Her name,” I say. “I never told you her name.”

He’s quiet a beat before answering, “Dean. He put the dahlia on your locker that day…”

“But that was after we’d already…” I trail off. 

“Just because we weren’t together anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

🏹 I nod, lower my hand before opening it again, revealing the beauty of the jewel. Before I get a chance to inspect it closer, Holden says, “I got you something else.”

“No, Holden. This is too much already.” So much. 

He reaches beside him, revealing a white box, and I can tell what it is before it lands on my lap. From the sound alone, I know what’s in there: tiny cardboard pieces. “You said you’ve never done a real one before, so now you have your own.”

I lift the box closer so that I can see the final image on the cover.

He says, “They’re all the pieces of you I’ve collected since we met.” 

The completed puzzle is a collage of my drawings. Some I don’t even remember doing, and ones I’m positive I’d balled up and discarded because they meant nothing to me. But Holden had taken them, kept them, because they meant something to him. 

My tears flow fast and free now, anger mixed with sorrow, for wanting something—someone—so badly, and knowing, deep in my soul, that I can’t have him. Can’t keep him. “Holden…”

And just when I think my heart can’t take anymore, he gets a dagger and impales me with it when he says, his voice harsh as he fights back his emotions, “You’re the only puzzle I couldn’t complete, Jameson Taylor.”

My eyes snap to his, my stomach sinking… because it suddenly dawns on me that throughout all of this… I’m not the only one left with questions. I sniff back my sob and square my shoulders. “I lied to you,” I tell him.

His eyes widen. “What?”

I look down at the metal dahlia in my palm and say, my heart in my throat, “Remember that day when we were in your room, and I was drawing on you?”

“Of course, I remember, Jamie. I think about it all the time.”

🏹I lick the liquid regret off my lips. “I told you that I’d never felt safe until—”

“Gina.” he cuts in. 

I nod, my mind spinning, trying to come up with a way to explain it, so he never has to question his worth. “It’s funny…” I start, lost in my thoughts. “The first time I met you, I was afraid of you because you reminded me so much of Beaker. Your build, mainly.” I exhale, shaky. “I remember the first time I hugged you… that day when I kissed you… I went to bed that night thinking how solid you were against me. How strong. And how that strength had the power to destroy me… but you never did.” I look up at him now, make sure he can see the truth in my eyes, the declaration in my words. “And I don’t know when things changed, but they did. I felt safe with you, Holden. Completely. When I was in your arms…” He pulls me to him, his arms wrapped so tight around me that I feel the same as I did all those nights we spent together. “I felt indestructible.” I release a sob. Just one. “No matter what happens,” I say into his chest. “Just know that those moments with you… being in your arms… you gave me something I’d never had before. You completed me then like you’re completing now, and I’ll never forget that.”

He rears back slightly, his eyes red as his nose brushes along mine. Our breaths merge into one as our eyes lock, and we’re there now… in the eye of the storm, and then he’s kissing me, his mouth warm and wet, merging with the tears that won’t seem to quit. I kiss him back, my body melting into his as his tongue parts my lips. And I surrender to the moment, to the need, to the love, and I accept this for exactly what it is: a Holden for now

isabela. 

what the hell was that &;):&:$/&&:!

jay mclean is so lucky this isn’t my last straw btw.

Lily

4.5 stars ⭐️

”It would’ve been perfect. We could’ve been perfect. In another time. Another world. Where mine wasn’t falling apart. And hers wasn’t already in pieces.”

I started this book in a coffee shop in a hospital having no idea what I was getting myself into and oh. my. god. I was not even close to being prepared for what was about to happen!! I've had to take a couple of days to process this book before starting this review so that it had a chance of making any sense and for it to be able to encourage you to read this book! 
*just make sure you have tissues and a comfort blanket ready*


~ "I mean, just look at her... and look at me."
"I am. And there's not a single piece of me that sees you the way you see yourself." ~


THIS FREAKING BOOK BROKE ME😭😭. I had read her 'more than' series and the 'heartache duet' prior to this book so I was no stranger to Jay's writing and her amazing talent of allowing the reader to immerse themselves in her books and really get them in their feels!!! I absolutely in love with the way she portrays her characters, how they're broken but don't let that stop them and honestly I can relate to her characters in many different ways and because of that, I really love reading her books. Jay shows her readers that honestly, it's OKAY not to be OKAY and that your past may impact you but it doesn't define you. I could NOT put this book down! I never knew I need this book before I read it and now honestly it's one of my favourites!


~ "I went to bed thinking about it. About him. About how strong he is... and how that strength had the power to destroy me." ~


Jamie Taylor deserves the world and more. This book had me hooked on her as a character i wanted to understand her and why she is the way she is, but the more you learn about her the more you realise you don't know her and I LOVED that Jamie was a puzzle. Jamie is certainly an enigma, she lives in a trailer park by herself and wears these old granny looking clothes and she'll randomly pull out her marker and start drawing on whatever she can (her legs, napkins, tissues, etc.). I loved everything about her and her personality, I loved how she'd randomly mention facts about the flowers she was drawing to Holden. Her banter with Holden was EVERYTHING, definitely one of my favourite parts of the book was their back and forth banter!


~ “I’d pretty much do anything Holden Eastwood asks of me.
It’s a dangerous feeling. Terrifying, really. And it’s safe to say that I’m officially a goner for the green-eyed boy sitting beside me, leading me blindly into what he calls “an adventure.”
It’s strange how things can change in a blink of an eye. Or a single kiss.” ~


Holden was definitely something else, while reading this book I definitely had mixed feelings about him, sometimes I'd want to hug him because he was struggling but then other times I just wanted to smack him up the back of his head 😂. I'm in LOVE with his relationship with Jamie and how he was really the only one who made her feel safe, he wouldn't let her sleep in her trailer with no power, he'd pick her up from work in the middle of the night. Their relationship is just so wholesome, I love it!! You definitely can't help but fall in love with Holden– his caring/supportive nature, his looks (damn he's hot, I won't lie), his "i-dont-give-a-fuck-about-what-others-think" ( which he later teaches Jamie). He was so amazingly patient and kind to her, he didn't judge her or pity her, he just honestly loved her.
BUT in saying that the ending and his attitude broke me!! and the epilogue– OH. MY. GOD. I'm praying that's not true and he redeems himself because I wouldn't be able to take it.


~ “I am privileged and honored to have been loved by Holden Eastwood. Even for a couple of months. A few weeks. A single day. Even if I didn’t know it at the time. People have the ability to change you, and I’d been so wrapped up in the way my mother was changed that I never thought that something good could come out of it. And I understand it now. 
I understand that the whole of him belongs to her, but I can still hold on to pieces of him. ~ 
*this quote honestly shattered my heart, I was crying my eyes out at 2 am*


I could write about this book for hours but it's not a book you only read reviews of, it's a book that needs to be felt and experienced first hand, you, the reader has to immerse yourself in their world and environment and feel everything that needs to be felt. I'll 100% be buying the paperback once it's released (July 1st 2021). 

If you are looking for a sign to read this book or add it to your tbr, this is definitely it!!!
Just be prepared with tissues and make sure you're prepared for the cliffhanger, because oh. my. god. I don't even know what to do with myself now! I NEED BOOK 2 ASAP!!!!


~ “And maybe I had it wrong.
Maybe Holden Eastwood isn’t the flame to my moth.
Maybe he’s the moon.
The light.
Guiding me out of my darkness.”


***An ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.***

Pieces Of You Pieces Duet Book 1

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