Reviews
🗡Immortal Bastards R Us Buddy Read (IBRUBR™) with my fellow BB&B Falloniacs Choko, Elena, Emily and Robin🗡 Ah, my dearest dearest Jennifer Fallon! You really have a thing for creating delightfully despicable characters one loves to hate. Or is it characters one hates to love? I forget. No matter, the important thing is that we have a most wonderfully selfish, amoral, self-serving, egomaniacal, cruel, cool-blooded, Machiavellian, somewhat unhinged bunch of immortals at hand here. Which I find quite glorious, obviously. Not to mention sublimely rejuvenating. Bless your little heart for renewing my lack of faith in humanity, Jennifer Fallon! I shall forever be full of shrimpy grate and stuff! Okay, so is it true that, from a technical point of view, the lovely members of the Slightly Deranged Immortal Bunch (SDIB™) aren’t exactly part of humanity and stuff, since they’re no longer, um, you know, human and stuff, because now they’re, um, you know, immortal and stuff. Anyway, they’re all vicious, cunning assholes and devious, evil bitches, and that’s what counts, right? Right. My thoughts exactly. So what is the SDIB™ up to in this instalment, you ask? Why nefarious plotting and outrageously vile shenanigans, of course. I mean, it’s part of their job description and stuff. You gotta give it to them, these guys know how to have fun. You’d think they’d run out of ferociously contemptible, noxious ideas after being alive for thousands of years, but our immortal buddies here? Bloody shrimp, do they know how to keep immorality and malevolence fresh at all times! Poor puny humans, they really don’t stand a chance here. They do try, though. And some of them are actually pretty gifted in the ruthlessly cunning, mercilessly foxy department. Like my Spymaster boyfriend Declan, for example. Now here’s a guy who knows how to be delectably duplicitous when the situation calls for it. And boy shrimp, does the situation call for it often! Between the Unrelenting Immortal Antics (UIA™) and the Oh Look We Can Be as Self-Serving and Treacherous and Generally Assholish as our Undying Nemeses Human Tomfoolery (OLWCBaSSaTaGAaoUNHT™), my boyfriend really has his implacably shrewd and shrewdly implacable job cut out for him and stuff. Talk for your little self, Darthie. My Declan doesn’t have your extensive and intensive practice. He’s working on it, though. UnFortunately, the characters in this series aren’t ALL scrumptious, death-defying degenerate guys and gals, and exquisitely loathsome mortals. There are also Popsicle Dudes (PD™) and deliriously grumpy, harem-worthy grandmammas. And also Occasionally Intermittent Airheads (OIA™) who will hopefully regain some degree of acumen in the next instalment (keeping my pincers crossed and stuff). But the most luscious non-immortal, non-mortal characters of them all are without a doubt the Crasii, aka the Animal Human Hybrid Gang (AHHG™). Canines, felines, amphibians, I want to adopt them all! Okay, so I might maybe perhaps want to adopt a certain chameleon Crasii a little more than the rest of her colleagues. Because she’s a, um, you know, chameleon. And also because she’s a, um, you know, spy. And also also because she has, um, you know, slightly super hot silver scales and stuff. And also also also because I want to have her, um, you know, reptilian babies and stuff. Mini-reptilian-mes! How adorable! Now I’ll just have to get them some of those full face snorkeling masks so they can move into my subaquatic nursery, and my new bride Tiji and I can live nefariously ever after and stuff! Sorry, what? I haven’t told you a word about the story yet? And? This is not The Tide Lords Cliffs Notes, you know. You’re supposed to actually read the book and find out what the fish happens in it for your little selves and stuff. Okay, since I’m almost in a relatively good mood today, I’ll tell you this: there’s roguery and mischief and devilry and stuff. And also machinations and ploys and skulduggery and stuff. And betrayal and backstabbing and double-crossing and stuff. And revelations and surprises and oh-my-bloody-fishing-twist and stuff. The end. Quite welcome you are. ➽ And the moral of this Rarely Have I Wanted to See So Many Characters Die a Horribly Painful and if Possible Reasonably Excruciating Death Yay Crappy Non Review (RHIWtSSMCDaHPaiPREDYCNR™) is: some people seem to think this instalment suffers from Bridge Book Syndrome (BBS™). Some people obviously read this instalment very wrong. · Book 1: The Immortal Prince ★★★★ · Book 3: The Palace of Impossible Dreams ★★★★★ · Book 4: The Chaos Crystal ★★ [Pre-review nonsense] Liars and schemers and treacherous scumbags, oh my! What a beautiful array of immortal, homicidal psychopaths we have here. It's quite delicious, really. Such a lovely world this is. Full of love, compassion, benevolence and sympathy. Sigh. So beautiful. Makes my black, withered heart shudder with glee and stuff. ➽ Full I Want to Be A Chameleon Crasii When I Grow Up Crappy Non Review (IWtBaCCWiGUCNR™) to come.
