The Palace of Impossible Dreams

🗡Immortal Bastards R Us Buddy Read (IBRUBR™) with my fellow BB&B Falloniacs Emily, Choko, Robin and Elena (aka the MIA Immortal Wannabe™)🗡 Actual rating: 4.5 stars. Hmmmm, it sure looks like some copies of this book have been tampered with. I mean, some people of Despicable Book Taste apparently think that this instalment suffers from middle book syndrome. So either the Evil Russians™ are at it again, and have been deviously replacing all copies of The Palace of Impossible Dreams they could get their hands on with copies of this book, or the middle book syndrome people of the erroneous opinion: a) Read the book wrong. b) Didn’t read the book right. c) Don’t know how to count. This being book book 3 in a four book series, I really don’t see how it could be called a “middle” book. I mean, I have no Fields medal or anything, but I am fairly sure that 3 is not, um, you know, the half of 4 and stuff. But I could be wrong. d) Should consider seriously reducing their alcohol intake. e) All of the above. Because cross my black, withered heart, cut my pincers and hope to die, this is the best, most bloody fishing page-turning/exciting/titillating/exoskeleton-tingling instalment in the series so far. Ergo, a+b+c+d+e= This book is all fast-paced everything, non-stop action, surprising twists, unexpected turns, stupidly stupid antics courtesy of a certain someone I shall not name out of the goodness of my little black heart (here’s looking at you, ARKADY) evil schemes⁶, cunning plots⁸, backstabbing⁴ galore and lots of other deliciously objectionable stuff. That’s the beauty of having immortal bastards and bitches as main characters, you see: not a single one of them has an ounce of decency to their name. How positively heart-warming! [insert happy sigh here] Okay, to be honest, some of them Amoral Mischief Makers of the Death-Defying Act (AMMotDDA™) are nearly almost quite nice and trustworthy. Nearly. Quite. Almost. Or so Jennifer Fallon will have us think, anyway. But the woman is as deviously wicked as her cast of characters, and fooling me she isn’t. There is only one Immortal Bastard I actually nearly almost quite trust, and if Fallon turns him into one of those cruel, ruthless, deranged, selfish, perverted, and abhorrently obnoxious (or is it obnoxiously arrogant? I forget) asses, there will be no other alternative for me than to unleash my murderous children on her. But hey, no pressure, Ms Fallon! I like you and stuff! (view spoiler)[ For the moment, anyway. (hide spoiler)] This is a preemtively angry shrimp disguised as a preemtively angry cat. Just so you know. There really is nothing I can tell you about the plot because spoiler spoiler spoiler, and also because spoiler spoiler spoiler. Besides, there would be more for me to tell if you weren’t as clueless as you are, and HAD PICKED UP THIS SERIES the second I firmly instructed you to as I most kindly recommended you did. But you didn’t, so I won’t. I mean, what would be the point in me telling you that Tiji the Mostest Awesomest Chameleon Scard Spy that Ever Was and Ever Will Be (TtMACSStEWaEWB™) is now spoiler spoiler spoiler? Or that Declan is YUM Oh My Bloody Shrimp! Or that Jaxyn is quite possibly one of the biggest, most vicious assholes ever? Or that Lukys is hmmmm? Or that Stellan is humph? Or that the idea that Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler (not the character’s real name) might soon be spoilered spoilered spoilered is “growing increasingly attractive?” Sorry, what was that? You get the idea? Oh, good for you! I guess that means that there’s no point in me telling you about the not-mentioned above character whose name I didn’t reveal out of the goodness of my little black heart, either? You know, the one who is called ARKADY and whose stupidly stupid antics I found ever so slightly annoying? Okay, I promise not to tell you about her then. And I especially won’t tell you that this formerly awesome leading lady of ours has been losing grey cells at an alarming rate lately. (We originally thought it was because of the hot, humid climate of book 2, but apparently it was just because of the mysteriously ever-expanding void between her two little ears.) Nor will I tell you that her moronically harebrained thoughts and actions repeatedly made me feel like this: This is a slightly exasperated shrimp disguised as a slightly exasperated chicken. Just so you know. No, there is obviously no point in me telling you any of that ⤴, so I won’t. You are welcome and stuff!!!!!!!! Okay, almost done here, so worry your little selves not. Just bear with me a moment more, I beg you, while the crap I expeditiously cut: this world is amazing, this world is fascinating, I want to move to this world and be a vile, immortal bastard when I grow up, this world is rich and creative and original, and I want to move to this world and have Tiji’s reptilian babies. Also, very few authors do ensemble casts and alternate POVs as well as Jennifer Fallon. Also also, Jennifer Fallon is one of the most underrated Fantasy authors I know. Goes to show how clueless Little Barnacles are indeed. ➽ And the moral of this Jennifer Fallon Kill Me Dead With Another Epilogue Like This and Retaliate Most Vehemently I Shall and Stuff Well If I’m Still Breathing that Is Crappy Non Review (JFKMDWAELTaRMVISaSWIISBtICNR™) is: never get immortalized with a bad haircut. NEVER. Trust me on that one. And if you don’t, just ask Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler (not the character’s real name) what his/her/their/muahahaha take on this is. He/she/they/muahahaha will gladly tell you all about it. Ha. P.S. For deep thoughts about the ending, see below ↓↓ • Book 1: The Immortal Prince ★★★★ • Book 2: The Gods of Amyrantha ★★★★ • Book 4: The Chaos Crystal ★★ Bloody shrimping hell of the stinking fish! That epilogue! ➽ Full Oh Jennifer Fallon You Cunning Woman You Crappy Non Review (OJFYCWYCNR™) to come.