Jennifer Hartmann

Lotus

Mary Carmona

“And yes, I’ve been with men, that’s no secret… but it’s never meant anything.” I find his eyes, and they are just as tear-filled as mine. “With you, it would mean everything and that scares the shit out of me.”

“Be courageous. Be confident. Be bold,” she says, her voice brimming with sincerity as she reaches for my hand once more. “Be red.”

“I’m a dirty, little liar. I panic-bought it online and paid an embarrassing amount of money for two-day shipping.“You look beautiful, Syd.”

“Oliver studies me, his eyes glinting with gold. “I have a hard time believing that.”I can’t help but feel offended as my arms cross defensively. “Why is that?”“I have a hard time believing someone could kiss you and regret it.”

“She lets go of me with a wink, diluting the somber mood that has settled in. “But just for the record… hell yeah, I’d swipe right.”

“I like when you do that,” I murmur softly, pointing at his mouth.“Consume food?”Good Lord. I can’t decide if his blunt intellect is more amusing or charming. I respond with a chuckle. “Smile.”

“I know this… but if he doesn’t remember me, if he doesn’t look at me and see fireworks and oatmeal cookies and laughter beneath the summer sun, I swear my heart will shrivel up and die.”

To the rest of the world, he was the little boy who went missing on the Fourth of July.
To me, he was everything.
My heart hasn't been the same since he disappeared, but I've learned to build my life around that missing piece.
Twenty-two years later, the last thing I expect is for that missing piece to come back.
His name is Oliver Lynch, and this is his story.
This is our story.

Sophia

All these years, I’ve never given my heart to anyone. I told myself it was because I was too picky, too independent , my standards were too high… but that’s not the truth.

The truth is, I didn’t have a heart to give.

Oliver’s foot slams on the brake, and I lurch forward so hard, my forehead almost collides with the dashboard. “Oliver!”

When my breath dislodges from my throat, I glance out the windshield and spot a squirrel scampering up a neighbor’s tree. “It was just a squirrel. Squirrels are suicidal.”

“Hello,” he greets, an adorable , dimpled grin on his face.

Oliver’s eyebrows lift to his hairline, his cheeks coloring a demure shade of pink. “Pardon?”

His own hands lift, clasping onto my wrists as I stroke my thumbs along his cheekbones.

I shake my head , adamantly . “You won’t. It’s over, and you survived. Do you trust me?”

Another slow nod. “You’re the only one I trust.”

I went twenty-two years without a mirror.

 reflection. No concept of my physical appearance. No knowledge of my eye color or bone structure or the curve of my mouth.

I had my name, though. I carved it into the cement wall, so I’d never forget it.

As I case my surroundings, more fractured visions sweep through me, causing my knees to quiver.

The ivory sink is still there, chipped and tarnished. The floral shower curtain has been replaced by one that is gray and sterile, and the little girl is long gone, but I can almost still hear her laughter echoing in my ears.

The little girl has her shorts down around her ankles.

And the Faceless Man has his hand in her underwear.

Sydney cups a hand over her mouth, her cry muffled, and the sickening realization washes over us at the same time.

“I’m not certain I desire anymore answers. I feel at peace with the memories I’ve recovered,” I explain, licking my lips and tasting the salty tears that gathered there.

“The hole I felt has been filled— she was all I was looking for.”

And I love her, so entirely, so painfully… I always have. I tell her in the way I hold her, in the way I look at her, in the way I say her name.

“When I was five-years-old, I gave you my heart on your front porch, and you gave me an oatmeal cookie, and I’ve thought about that moment every single day for over two decades. Even when you were gone, you still held my heart.”

“I’m not gone anymore, Syd.” His palms find my face, clasping my cheeks, tears slipping through his fingers.

“I’m right here, with you, and I’m still holding onto your heart. Please don’t ask me to give it back.”

I bring the teddy bear close to my lips and whisper, “He saw me. He saw me. He saw me.”

And it’s there upon our secret hill that we dance, we cry, and we fall in love all over again.

“Nothing worth holding is ever too hard.”

All these years, I’ve never given my heart to anyone. I told myself it was because I was too picky, too independent, my standards were too high… but that’s not the truth.

“Day by day, those walls went up, made of stone and brick and steel and you. I couldn’t let anyone in because I couldn’t bear to feel the way I felt after you disappeared. Not again… not ever. You have no idea what you meant to me. What you mean to me.”

“Like every star in the galaxy tumbled to Earth and crawled beneath my skin.”

I don't know, but my Jennifer Hartmann reads haven't been hitting the way I have hoped. Still Beating is still my favorite book that she has written, and nothing has ever gotten to that level of enjoyment for me. I still think this one was good, and the twist was really decent, and I figured it out before the real one, but not right away, so I consider it to be a good plot twist. There were some good parts of the book, but I just never felt the connection I would like. It could be because I have felt like I have been falling into a reading slump, I don't know, but I also had this with a duet by Jennifer Hartmann that I read right before this one. So I know there are good ones out there that will hit me like Still Beating did, I just have to keep looking for it.

Priscilla Stanfield

4/5⭐️ • 2/5🌶️

I don't know, but my Jennifer Hartmann reads haven't been hitting the way I have hoped. Still Beating is still my favorite book that she has written, and nothing has ever gotten to that level of enjoyment for me. I still think this one was good, and the twist was really decent, and I figured it out before the real one, but not right away, so I consider it to be a good plot twist. There were some good parts of the book, but I just never felt the connection I would like. It could be because I have felt like I have been falling into a reading slump, I don't know, but I also had this with a duet by Jennifer Hartmann that I read right before this one. So I know there are good ones out there that will hit me like Still Beating did, I just have to keep looking for it.

Shannon C

Tsamarah

I’m struggling to find the right rating for this book but I think 4 stars is a fairly accurate rating. This is my first (that i can recall) reading a dark romance—as i usually opted for light and fluffy ones; I think this is actually a great book to start. It’s not too heavy on “dark” materials so adjusting to it was not quite hard. At the first half I don’t even think it’s dark at all but the second half was filled with twist! it was very interesting… it’s not too spicy but fun enough to keep me entertained.


I like the book a lot but i can’t seem to find a reason to give this a five stars. Maybe because it’s the genre, maybe it’s the writing or the character building or perhaps because it’s just… alright. Though this book don’t convince me enough to read more dark romance… or is it?

stephanie 

you guys... this book has become my absolute favorite!

i loved every second of reading this book. it had me wanting more and more. i still want more of Syd and Oliver. i really thought Oliver was my new favorite book boyfriend and then he rescued a baby raccoon and kept her. that's when it was solidified that he IS my new favorite because if you know me, raccoons are my favorite animals ever! 

i've never read anything quite like this and i love that about it. i also loved the cameo of Tabitha and Cora! i haven't read Still Beating but i know they're in it!

the twists at the end were insane but i definitely called it after a bit! i always had bad vibes from him! 

i could really go on and on about this book so just do yourself a favor and read it!

honya

SO GOOOOOOD. oliver gave me so many tingle’s I CANT EVEN!! he was hands down the cutest fricking book boy i’ve ever read about but then all of the sudden he wanted to recreate some smut scenes from sydney’s books and i was SHOOK. i love him <3 BRUHHH OMG

Enna Burton

It was soo good I loved the book but it doesn’t compare to still beating

neha khairnar

literally have no words. i love it, check tw before you read :)

Jasmine

Kasey Montagnat

I loved this book seeing Oliver transform into a new person was so amazing to read I loved it and this book was so amazing to read

∞ stars bc sydneyoliver are everything! (and 5 stars isn't enough)
brb sending jennifer my therapy bill! sydneyoliver are the epitome of “it’s always been you” !!!!!! (incoming major word vomit bc it's 6am rn)

"enchanted" - MY THOUGHTS WILL ECHO YOUR NAME UNTIL I SEE YOU AGAIN
"maroon", and "message in a bottle" by taylor swift

 "The Lotus will bloom into the most magnificent flower, even when its roots are in the murkiest of waters." 

the book's writing and dialogue was CHEFS KISSES!! each character in the book were so well-written with so much depths and each played important roles in the story as well as the mcs lives! i personally love sydney's character!! i found her to be genuinely funny and sweet like i actually laughed out loud from her humor! she is the perfect mix of "girl next door" and "quirky". jennifer has achieved the perfect "quirky funny clumsy" character without making me cringe and i never thought that would happen OLIVER OMG! HES JUST SO PERFECT!! he's so considerate and thoughtful 

ALSO THE REVEAL OF LOTUS I DIDNT SEE COMING!! ITS SO GENIUS! actually all the plot twists i didn't see coming like this book was insane!! i'm actually cried so much

(view spoiler)[ "message in a bottle" by taylor swift - "All four of us laugh, candid, without constraint, and I know this moment will stand out in my mind for the rest of my life. Me and my boys—my sweet, beautiful men, smiling and alive, together, vibrating with genuine joy. The last two decades wash away like a message in a bottle ;"  (hide spoiler)]

caitlin buckley 

i’ve fallen in love. with Oliver. he is the purest thing ever. i think he’s probably one of my favourite boys ever. i honestly spent most of the book hating Bradford, but once you get to his chapter, i actually felt really bad for him. i think he really did love Oliver- even if he kept him hidden from the world, at least he didn’t kill him like he was meant to. i LOVE Athena the racoon, she was so cute. and Alexis the cat. so cute. i absolutely adored how clueless Oliver was about literally everything, and the way he spoke. omg i cant. 
the fire. had me gobsmacked. i couldn’t i was so convinced one of them was going to die my heart was HURTING. but gabe came and saved the day. like always. i’m so looking forward to his and tabithas book.

It's different to the books I normally read and still the same. I love this book and definitely a read worth

SYDNEYOLIVER CLEM GABETABITHA MY FAMILY ❤️

cher

4.5 stars ☆ jennifer hartmann did it again!!! a beautiful love story with a totally gripping plot and very cute characters (yes, i'm talking about oliver, i'm going to protect him at all costs). oh my god, how i loved this book, it was a complete roller coaster of emotions absolutely worth it. oliver and sydney are soulmates ugh i love them so much plss.

Turtle lover

enamorada de mí héroe Oliver y de mí rei a Sydney para siempre ✩

quiero un libro de Gabe y Tabitha ( y hope la hijita de tab)

🏹When I was five-years-old, I gave you my heart on your front porch, and you gave me an oatmeal cookie, and I’ve thought about that moment every single day for over two decades. Even when you were gone, you still held my heart.”

“I’m not gone anymore, Syd.” His palms find my face, clasping my cheeks, tears slipping through his fingers. “I’m right here, with you, and I’m still holding onto your heart. Please don’t ask me to give it back.”

🏹I love you, Syd. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you until my dying day.

I fidget when the felt tip of the marker glides along the inside of my forearm. “That tickles,” I say through a laugh. “What are you writing?”

“There,” she whispers. “All done.”

The pop of the marker cap brings my attention back to her. I chuckle as I glance down at my arm, muttering, “Syd, you—”

Time freezes, and I go still. My words are eclipsed, my skin tingling. Sydney is speaking to me, but I can hardly hear her over my thunderous heartbeats.

My eyes dart to her confused face. “Why did you write that?”

“What?” She blinks, her smile dimming. “What’s wrong?”

A swallow grips my throat when I look down at my arm, the familiar word staring back at me:

“Syd, please tell me why you wrote this,” I plead, nearly choking on my words. “Why ‘lotus’? What does it mean?”

I feel frantic, utterly perplexed, my gaze shifting wildly between the woman I love and the word that has haunted me, guided me, for over two long decades.

All this time, she had written it on my arm.

And why is she looking at me like she has no idea what I’m even talking about?

“Oliver, I-I didn’t…” Sydney shakes her head, a frown pinching her brow. “I didn’t write ‘lotus’. I wrote…”

She gasps then, or maybe it’s a sob, a choked cry of wondrous disbelief muffled by her palm that shoots up and cups her mouth as her eyes widen with realization. 

Sydney climbs over me, then gazes down at the letters from the opposite direction. 

“Oh, my God…” she rasps out. “Oliver… I didn’t write ‘lotus’. You were looking at it upside-down.”

“What?” The word nearly catches in my throat as I blink, staring at the same scribbling I etched into a stone wall, knowing it meant something, knowing it was important somehow, but I didn’t understand it then.

And I only understand it now when Sydney picks up the marker from the mattress and rewrites it with a trembling hand, right-side-up. 

She inhales a choppy breath, her tears spilling onto the ink. “It’s our initials, Oliver. I wished for us.”

There it is, in plain sight, gazing up at me:

“I should write it down. Then it will definitely come true.”

Sydney sits up and reaches for her backpack, unzipping it and pulling a black Crayola marker out of the box. “Give me your arm,” she says.

I hold up my arm and watch as she etches the letters into my skin.

Before I can question her further, she is already skipping down the hill, waving goodbye. “Bye, Syd. See you tomorrow.”

I sound the letters out in my head: l-o-t-u-s.

shar

enamorada de mí héroe Oliver y de mí rei a Sydney para siempre ✩

quiero un libro de Gabe y Tabitha ( y hope la hijita de tab)

🏹When I was five-years-old, I gave you my heart on your front porch, and you gave me an oatmeal cookie, and I’ve thought about that moment every single day for over two decades. Even when you were gone, you still held my heart.”
“I’m not gone anymore, Syd.” His palms find my face, clasping my cheeks, tears slipping through his fingers. “I’m right here, with you, and I’m still holding onto your heart. Please don’t ask me to give it back.”
A tiny sob breaks free, and I kiss him.

🏹I love you, Syd. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you until my dying day.

🏹“Hold still,” she says.
I fidget when the felt tip of the marker glides along the inside of my forearm. “That tickles,” I say through a laugh. “What are you writing?”
“My wish"
…
“There,” she whispers. “All done.”
The pop of the marker cap brings my attention back to her. I chuckle as I glance down at my arm, muttering, “Syd, you—”
Time freezes, and I go still. My words are eclipsed, my skin tingling. Sydney is speaking to me, but I can hardly hear her over my thunderous heartbeats.
My eyes dart to her confused face. “Why did you write that?”
“What?” She blinks, her smile dimming. “What’s wrong?”
A swallow grips my throat when I look down at my arm, the familiar word staring back at me:
 
l o t u s
 
“Syd, please tell me why you wrote this,” I plead, nearly choking on my words. “Why ‘lotus’? What does it mean?”
I feel frantic, utterly perplexed, my gaze shifting wildly between the woman I love and the word that has haunted me, guided me, for over two long decades.
It was her.
All this time, she had written it on my arm.
But why on earth didn’t she tell me?
And why is she looking at me like she has no idea what I’m even talking about?
“Oliver, I-I didn’t…” Sydney shakes her head, a frown pinching her brow. “I didn’t write ‘lotus’. I wrote…”
She gasps then, or maybe it’s a sob, a choked cry of wondrous disbelief muffled by her palm that shoots up and cups her mouth as her eyes widen with realization. 
Sydney climbs over me, then gazes down at the letters from the opposite direction. 
“Oh, my God…” she rasps out. “Oliver… I didn’t write ‘lotus’. You were looking at it upside-down.”
“What?” The word nearly catches in my throat as I blink, staring at the same scribbling I etched into a stone wall, knowing it meant something, knowing it was important somehow, but I didn’t understand it then.
And I only understand it now when Sydney picks up the marker from the mattress and rewrites it with a trembling hand, right-side-up. 
She inhales a choppy breath, her tears spilling onto the ink. “It’s our initials, Oliver. I wished for us.”
There it is, in plain sight, gazing up at me:
 
sn + ol
 
“What’s your wish?” I ask her.
“I should write it down. Then it will definitely come true.”
“So write it down.”
Sydney sits up and reaches for her backpack, unzipping it and pulling a black Crayola marker out of the box. “Give me your arm,” she says.
I hold up my arm and watch as she etches the letters into my skin.
…
What did you wish for?”
“Us.”
Before I can question her further, she is already skipping down the hill, waving goodbye. “Bye, Syd. See you tomorrow.”
I sound the letters out in my head: l-o-t-u-s.
Lotus?
…
Lotus. 
What does it mean?
I’ll have to ask Sydney tomorrow
…
Written on my arm in black ink, misconstrued and upside-down, those letters manifested into the only true friend I had down in that hole. It created pages upon pages of stories and adventures, keeping me company, keeping me sane, keeping me alive for so many years.
It was her.
It’s always been her.
With our initials on my arm and branded in my heart, I squeeze her tight, peppering kisses into her hair as I whisper words of love against her ear.
 
Sydney Neville + Oliver Lynch
 
It’s always been us
…
The Lotus will bloom into the most magnificent flower, even when its roots are in the murkiest of waters

🏹six months later (after the big fire) they got engaged and before that they were already living together ¡!!! 
🏹two years later they became parents of a beautiful baby girl named Charlene


this is Oliver talking about it: 
“Charlene.
We named our daughter after my late mother”

🏹The only thing that’s changed is Sydney’s role—The Queen of the Lotus.
She is still my queen, but she’s no longer a damsel in distress.
Syd is a hero, like me, and we defeat the villains side-by-side, hand-in-hand. She is my partner, my companion, my equal… the other half of my heart.
We save the world together.


🏹 can't believe Oliver adopted a fucking raccoon I'm - and he named her Athena - double I'm - lmao I love him 

Athena (the raccoon) + Alexis (Syd's cat) what a pair !

krisha

this was great but why were they winking so much 😭

Jenna Crumpton 

I have to be honest, this book did not draw me in right away.. it was very slow in the beginning and I think this is why it took me so long to read it, but it seemed to really pick up halfway through and I am SO glad I finished it! I absolutely loved the character development and the ending was so good too!

Baylee taylor

“I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll love you until my dying day” my heart 🥺 I love oliver

So I was optimistic, but apprehensive about this book. I liked Still Beating, but I didn't love it and I was nervous that I would feel the same about this book. However, I LOVED Lotus! Oliver Lynch is literally such a swoon worthy character, and Sydney is hilarious. I was on an emotional roller-coaster with their story. I would be laughing and then getting steamy and then bam hit me in the feelings and wreck me. The book started slow for me, but around chapter 13 I started to get really into the book.

If you love a beautiful story, with an intriguing mystery that makes you laugh and cry I would 100% recommend this book. It can be dark at times, but it is balanced beautifully with joyous moments and levity.

Kelly Casey

So I was optimistic, but apprehensive about this book. I liked Still Beating, but I didn't love it and I was nervous that I would feel the same about this book. However, I LOVED Lotus! Oliver Lynch is literally such a swoon worthy character, and Sydney is hilarious. I was on an emotional roller-coaster with their story. I would be laughing and then getting steamy and then bam hit me in the feelings and wreck me. The book started slow for me, but around chapter 13 I started to get really into the book.

If you love a beautiful story, with an intriguing mystery that makes you laugh and cry I would 100% recommend this book. It can be dark at times, but it is balanced beautifully with joyous moments and levity.

Madie Houston

Holy fuck. This book just broke me and put me back together piece by piece. This is a childhood friends to lovers, soulmates with a thrilling twist. I thought this book was fantastic. I loved how they incorporated the title into the book, and when you find out what it means it’s just perfection idk how else to explain it just perfect. And the other twist threw me for a loop. Man oh man! And the banter!!! My god it had me laughing out loud, AND the smut was perfect this has everything romance, humor, trauma, thriller, sadness, plot twist, it’s sooo good

Mariam Mohsen

adventurous challenging dark emotional inspiring mysterious sad medium-paced
Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5

Lotus

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