Lauren James

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe

Scarly

The things I tell J are bigger than I ever intend them to be. My words betray me. With every email I’m making myself vulnerable, showing him how much he means to me.

I can feel their fingers touching my face tangling in my hair their soft fingernails skin pulling away from their bones catching on my clothes the embryos are falling apart around me silently reaching for their mother wanting me and I’m alone in the dark forever

The dark, blunted shadows hold me under the duvet where the childlike safe place in my brain says they can’t find me. The shadows dart and swell across the room and all I can do is watch them creep closer.

However much I’ve tried to keep him with me—not disturbing his bunk, his notebooks, his toothbrush and razor—every trace of him will disappear in the end, like he was never here at all.

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