Laurie Frankel

A Novel

This Is How It Always Is

The Reese Witherspoon x Hello Sunshine Book Club Pick 'Every once in a while, I read a book that opens my eyes in a way I never expected' Reese Witherspoon (Reese's Book Club x Hello Sunshine book pick) 'It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think' Liane Moriarty, No. 1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Little Lies This is how a family keeps a secret...and how that secret ends up keeping them. This is how a family lives happily ever after...until happily ever after becomes complicated. This is how children change...and then change the world. This is Claude. He's five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess. When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl. Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They're just not sure they're ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret. Until one day it explodes. Laurie Frankel's This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it's about the ways this is how it always is: change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever. What readers are saying about This Is How It Always Is: 'This writing is glorious. A fabulous book. Topical, moving, full of magic' 'One of the most amazing and thought-provoking books I have ever read. It's warm, well observed and funny' 'A beautiful love story of two people who meet, fall hopelessly in love and then create a wonderful unique family of five'

The Reese Witherspoon Hello Sunshine Book Club Pick

“All life. You are never finish, never done. Never become, always becoming. You know? Life is change so is always okay you are not there yet.

If you wrote your own characters, they didn’t disappoint you like real people did. If you told your own story, you got to pick your ending. Just being yourself never worked, but if you made yourself up, you got to be exactly who you knew yourself to be.

“Every person have another person inside,”

Over time, stories change; they shift; they become something new but with elements of the original and elements of what’s to come.

One is that fitting in and being normal doesn’t exist.

“You don’t know what anyone sees in anyone,” Ben pointed out. “You don’t like anybody.”

“That’s true,” Roo agreed amiably. “People are annoying.”

This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future.

you have to conform, or people might not like you; you have to be the same because different doesn’t feel good.

“No one will know who you’re supposed to be,” Ben warned.

Rosie was also used to conflicting emotions, for she was a mother and knew every moment of every day that no one out in the world could ever love or value or nurture her children as well as she could and yet that it was necessary nonetheless to send them out into that world anyway.

“Why would a story want to make someone cry?” Ben was so much more serious than his brothers.

“Same reason you cry anyway,” said Penn. “You cry and then you feel better.

One is the loneliest number. Never put all your eggs in one basket.

Erin G.

The first 2/3rds are fantastic, but I felt like there was a forced conclusion that was too protracted and unnecessary. Agree with all the reccos to not read the jacket blurb and just dive right in.

this was the book that got me back into reading. i absolutely loved it and it will always be one of my favorites

"This is how a family keeps a secret...and how that secret ends up keeping them. This is how a family lives happily ever after...until happily ever after becomes complicated. This is how children change...and then change the world. When Rosie and Penn and their four boys welcome the newest member of their family, no one is surprised it's another baby boy. At least their large, loving, chaotic family knows what to expect. But Claude is not like his brothers. One day he puts on a dress and refuses to take it off. He wants to bring a purse to kindergarten. He wants hair long enough to sit on. When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl. Rosie and Penn aren't panicked at first. Kids go through phases, after all, and make-believe is fun. But soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret. Until one day it explodes. This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it's about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again; parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts; children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever"--

This is how it always is

Sarah Sammis

The short version is, it's an odd book. It does cover the steps a family would go through to support their transgender child. But the family never really seems like the tightly knit group that would go through all the steps as they do. 

http://pussreboots.com/blog/2017/comm...

I enjoyed the writing of this book. It is a bit different than what I usually read, but I loved it. The family was very sweet. I loved their small chats in between the story. A few really funny parts made me laugh. I enjoyed this a lot. :)

maariyah 

a few thoughts. 
cons: this book should’ve been a hundred pages less for sure. i really enjoyed the first half. something in the quality of the writing went wrong in the latter half. some of the sentences were very repetitive and wordy — and not stylistically. depictions of Thailand pissed me off. a very white novel. pros:eye opening in some ways. it doesn’t ‘protect’ you from reality the same way the protagonist, Poppy, isn’t. the characters are lovable. and the novel isn’t entirely about poppy/claude. we see how the entire family deals with it. i enjoyed the way Penn and Rosie were written. it was an interesting choice to have them have untraditional, opposite roles in the family. i think that was a nice, subtle feature of the book considering the context of gender identity in the novel.

Patricia Nelson

We will discuss at book club next week, and I'm so excited to do so. The richness of things to discuss makes this a perfect book club pick. While I loved this book, it broke my heart many times, for many reasons. The author sums up so much in this quote from her end note. "I wish for my child, for all our children, a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved, blessed, appreciated selves". "I know this book will be controversial, but honestly? I keep forgetting why". Definitely worth a read.

Katrina Meyers

I adored this story. It made my heart smile and break all at once. More stories should be told like this.

Gillian Rose

A beautiful story that should be read by everyone.

Jessica Ford

I love this story and all of the characters. Rosie and Penn are such fun, enlightened parents. I’d like to be more like them. One of my favorite lines is when Penn tells Roo (I think) that he and Rosie always say yes to the kids if they possibly can. What a great way to parent.

Siya S

This book is magical. The story is thought provoking and so full of joy. Life is not easy but love and forgiveness can heal most of the time. How to embrace yourself wholeheartedly in the world full of menace and judgments and bigotry? How to stand up and be brave? How to take in reality without becoming a bitter person? 

There is so much to talk about in this book. The characters areamazing, the dialogues are funny and poignant. I love Roo and Ben and the twins. I can relate to Penn as he's the hopeful idealistic one, while at the same time rralozing how much I try to navigate my life as a Rosie (I am full of contradictions). I also adore Poppy, the ultimate device that takes us reader to such wonderful journey. The family saga style of narration. The story-within-story device. The heartwarming love story of Penn and Rosie. I love it all.

Most of all, THIS NOVEL FEATURES A GREAT CHUNK ABOUT THAILAND IN THE LAST ONE-THIRD OF THE STORY... HOW COOL IS THAT??? The way she described my country just made me smile. I have doubts about my homeland many times, but whenever I see it through the eyes of an outsiders I never fail to succumb into fascination of how cool I am to grow up in this part of the world. Cliche but true, at some point.

So this book is amazing. Like, Middlesex kind of amazing but lighter and more hopeful. 10/10 would recommend.

Sandi King

Cindy Lieberman

** spoiler alert **
           In “This is how it always is” we see “This is how it always should be” to raise a child who is gender fluid. Actually it should be easier than depicted in this still-somewhat rosy scenario. But this sensitive portrayal of a close-knit family and their shared secret is both illuminating and emotionally wrenching.

Jade Villanueva

At first, I really didn't know how I was going to finish this book. I didn't love it, because of the slow start. But, then I got through the first three chapters and I really started to understand that this isn't a story that is trying to get a reaction out of the reader. This is a story that tries to help the reader understand a family and a child that is going through a transition at such a young age, and that yes, it is important to listen to your children and to try to understand them instead of policing them because you're the parent and you know what's "right".

I read this with my book club who are 75% LGBT+ and I believe that everyone benefited from reading a story that highlights LGBT+ children and the effects family support can have on someone who is transitioning. I felt a strong connection to this book as I understand how it feels to not fit in with a single stereotype and to be afraid of those questioning my identity. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone in the LGBT+ community, allies, and anyone looking for an inspirational read!

Nohemi Reale

This book was so great! It shows that even super supportive parents struggle with what is best for their LGBTQI+ child. And how even the best intentions don't always work out in getting a child prepared for for real world. It didn't feel incredibly realistic or something most parents could do for their children.

Suzy Dean

Honestly I’m not done with this book yet. And I never do this. But I already give it a 5. It is heartwarming, relatable. The characters are relatable. I’ve giggled, I’ve felt pressure in my chest about the hardships the trans community faces and pride at Claude’s abilities. I’m sure I will laugh more and cry more. But shit. Frankel has gotten to my soul in a way that NO author has. I use my five stars sparingly for a reason. I’ve read 100 pages and I’m confident. Please read this. All of you, any of you. Please. This should be required reading in school, for all parents, for all children. This is both entertainment, escapism, knowledge, and a lesson in empathy. I will recommend this to ALL of my friends.

Nadine 

What does an eccentric non-conformist family do when the youngest doesn’t conform to gender norms? A journey through thoughts & behaviours & the fact that there are no easy answers.
Agree with other reviewers that the popping in of Thailand was somewhat contrived - but does serve the device of showing that gender is more fluid outside mid- America.

Jen Estrella

"You know what's even better than happy endings?"
"What?"
"Happy middles."
"You think?"
"All the happy with none of the finality. All the happy with room enough to grow. What could be better than that?"

Cindy

I am glad I read this book since it opened my eyes to a perspective and experience I had never deeply considered before. However, I wasn't a huge fan of the writing style since I found it too 'flowery' at times. Some parts of the plot also felt quite unrealistic. Overall... love the discussion and perspective this book provides, wasn't personally a fan of the execution.

Roos Havinga

Although Frankel’s style is quite simple, she takes you on a journey and shows the conflict in perspectives from the perspectives of Poppy, her mother, her father and her brothers. The psychological struggle and difficulties of figuring out who Poppy is and the difficulty in transitioning might not be described as gruesome as it is in real life, however, you learn to love Poppy.

Whitney Leno

I very much enjoyed this novel. I was nervous how they author was going to tell this story, but the authors note at the end stated that it was based on a real person and a real event. The characters were written with such real-ness. I would have liked to have seen a little bit more from the older siblings and how they were effected and how they handled it. I read through the book in about two days, but not because the subject matter was easy, but because of how beautifully it was written. I enjoyed how gender, and gender role perception was relayed not only in regards to the main character. If I could give this more then five stars I would.

This Is How It Always Is A Novel

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