Leslie Feinberg

Published in 1993, this brave, original novel is considered to be the finest account ever written of the complexities of a transgendered existence.Woman or man? Thats the question that rages like a storm around Jess Goldberg, clouding her life and her identity. Growing up differently gendered in a blue--collar town in the 1950s, coming out as a butch in the bars and factories of the prefeminist 60s, deciding to pass as a man in order to survive when she is left without work or a community in the early 70s. This powerful, provocative and deeply moving novel sees Jess coming full circle, she learns to accept the complexities of being a transgendered person in a world demanding simple explanations: a he-she emerging whole, weathering the turbulence.

Stone Butch Blues

nica

This is what courage is. It’s not just living through the nightmare, it’s doing something with it afterward. It’s being brave enough to talk about it to other people. It’s trying to organize to change things.

“I didn’t really believe I lived in anyone’s memory except my own.”

I want to write a letter to Theresa, a woman I still carry around in my heart. We parted in a real rough way. I want to finally find the words, even if she never reads them.

When I was growing up, I believed I was gonna do something really important with my life, like explore the universe or cure diseases. I never thought I’d spend so much of my life fighting over which bathroom I could use.

Surrender was unimaginably more dangerous than struggling for survival.

Who was I now—woman or man? That question could never be answered as long as those were the only choices; it could never be answered if it had to be asked.

I couldn’t stop thinking about them kissing each other. It was like two guys. Well, two gay guys would be alright. But two butches? How could they be attracted to each other? Who was the femme in bed?

“Theresa,” I called her name. She looked at me. “Does she sit between the rows in your garden?”

Theresa shook her head. “No, Jess. You’re the only one.”

no don’t do this to me, this is sending me to depression 

As I bolted up Theresa’s stairs that night I felt excited. By the time I knocked, I was scared. A young woman with a soft butch exterior answered the door.

I stood there with the big blue bear in my arms. She called Theresa.

“I’m somewhere safe where no one would look. I’m up near the ceiling. Imagine you’re looking for me here—behind the trees, under the benches, behind the elephant house. Where would I be safe?”

Both kids looked at each other and shook their heads. “Up in the sky, where the wind blows,” I told them. “I’d be safe in the sky, where no one would look for me. But I’m still around. I’ll still be watching over you.”

Scotty wiped the tears from his eyes with his mittens. “When I’m the wind I could be in the sky with you.”

I don’t feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body. I just feel trapped.

“Part of me wants to go with you,” she said. “But if I did, I’d be living your life, not mine. I’d end up resenting you for my decision.”

It was strange the way I loved her so much and yet felt so far away.

:( i love her so much, im hurting for both of them </3

If I’m not with a butch everyone just assumes I’m straight. It’s like I’m passing too, against my will. I’m sick of the world thinking I’m straight. I’ve worked hard to be discriminated against as a lesbian.

I get this feeling that the next fight will take me down and I’ll die and my life won’t have meant anything. Some days when you kiss me goodbye at the door I get so mad at you because you act like I’m coming home for sure and I want you to say goodbye to me like we might never see each other again.

That’s the strange part. I didn’t feel like a woman or a man, and I liked how I was different.

This is Valentine’s Day. That’s a high femme holy holiday.

The moon is femme, child—high-in-the-sky femme—and don’t you forget it.

I grew up in leaps and bounds. I learned to reduce the anxieties of life by paying bills on time, keeping receipts and promises, doing laundry before I ran out of underwear, picking up after myself. Most importantly, I learned to say I’m sorry.

“We’re too young to close the door to anything in our lives.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” I tried to explain. “I didn’t go there to hurt you. I wanted to start over. I made a mistake.”

Peaches laughed, “You wait and see. The right girl is coming down the road, headed in your direction.”

If that was true, I sure wished she’d hurry.

She ran her fingers through my hair. “You’re not OK, are you?”

I was so relieved she said it out loud that I started to cry.

my bible <3 this book means so much to me as a butch

asmo

this has been the only book, so far, that has made me cry for so many reasons. most times, i cry out of sadness, sometimes out of happiness, and at times out of hope. when I read about jess’ struggles and the others, al, jackie, ed, theresa, millie, i wished i could take them all, put them inside my heart, and keep them safe there. i wished i could protect them. but all of them came before me; all of their struggles to fight have come to this moment in time, in my generation, where I, although still not completely free, can express my queerness (sometimes in public, most times in private) somehow. i am reminded of how awful and horrifying it was back then. i think about how awful and horrifying it is now. the improvements we experience today as lgbtqia+ were fought hard for by those who came before us. and even then, we are still not free. and even more so, we fight. 

this book was a painful read. it was true and painful. leslie feinberg touched on the intersectionality of gender, race, and class; ze talks about being a butch lesbian in this context. in patriarchal and macho-feudal society, existing as a queer person is unmistakably difficult and, at times, a death sentence, especially for gender nonconforming lesbians. when you look, act, and feel different from what is expected of a woman, you will be forcibly bended and violated to conform. this is why there is so much significance in being a stone as a way to reclaim autonomy over the body, mind, and expression.

in most reviews of this book, I found that the aspect of labor issues does not get talked about as much. In this story, we can see how jess’ character develops as they further understand the importance of labor unions and organizing to demand safe working environments. there is no society, no progress without the labor of the working class. 

it is this character progression, the emphasis on community, that i find so inspiring. it is a reminder for us to continue the fight, that, in this struggle, we are not alone. we stand with those who came before us and those who come after us. 

this has been the only book, so far, that has made me cry for so many reasons. most times, i cry out of sadness, sometimes out of happiness, and at times out of hope. when I read about jess’ struggles and the others, al, jackie, ed, theresa, millie, i wished i could take them all, put them inside my heart, and keep them safe there. i wished i could protect them. but all of them came before me; all of their struggles to fight have come to this moment in time, in my generation, where I, although still not completely free, can express my queerness (sometimes in public, most times in private) somehow. i am reminded of how awful and horrifying it was back then. i think about how awful and horrifying it is now. the improvements we experience today as lgbtqia+ were fought hard for by those who came before us. and even then, we are still not free. and even more so, we fight. 

 

this book was a painful read. it was true and painful. leslie feinberg touched on the intersectionality of gender, race, and class; ze talks about being a butch lesbian in this context. in patriarchal and macho-feudal society, existing as a queer person is unmistakably difficult and, at times, a death sentence, especially for gender nonconforming lesbians. when you look, act, and feel different from what is expected of a woman, you will be forcibly bended and violated to conform. this is why there is so much significance in being a stone as a way to reclaim autonomy over the body, mind, and expression.

 

in most reviews of this book, I found that the aspect of labor issues does not get talked about as much. In this story, we can see how jess’ character develops as they further understand the importance of labor unions and organizing to demand safe working environments. there is no society, no progress without the labor of the working class. 

 

it is this character progression, the emphasis on community, that i find so inspiring. it is a reminder for us to continue the fight, that, in this struggle, we are not alone. we stand with those who came before us and those who come after us. 

Anna 

4,5

absolutely beautiful and important for (butch) lesbian community. real, raw, heartbreaking yet wonderful and full of hope.

Nova

4.75

leslie feinberg thank u for my life.

i think this might be the best book i’ve ever read, i sobbed through the last 50 pages, i think everyone should read this, especially if u are a lesbian 

Clara Gauthier

gingy :3

Absolutely one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, thoughtful novels. It makes me so sad that people lived through such hard times, but so proud to be a part of this dazzling, resilient community. 

Krys C

Moxie Minion

This should be required reading for anyone within the LGBTQIA community. The one thing that I would like to remind people is that yes while Leslie Feinberg was known for saying that the main character was based in her life, this is still a work of fiction. Fiction that mimics reality at times but is still fiction. 

Some major trigger warnings for sexual assault, homophobia of all flavors, and police brutality go hand and hand with this piece. It will lift you up so high at some points and then a few pages later, tear you down to absolutely nothing. I was beyond invested in this characters and Jess' relationships through out the book.

Sésame

Je ne sais pas trop quoi dire tellement ce livre m'a habité pendant la semaine.
J'ai eu l'impression de vivre avec Jess, ou qu'elle vivait avec moi durant quelques jours. Elle a fait résonner beaucoup de questionnements que je traverse.

Le livre est implacable. Il faut accepter la cruauté et la violence permanente qui s'abat et continue à s'abattre au fil des pages. Mais il y a aussi toute la résistance, l'organisation collective, l'amour, l'amitié, la solidarité et le chemin d'exploration de soi.

Vous DEVEZ lire ce livre !!!

Eva Decker

Thank you, Leslie, from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could tell you in person how much this meant to me.

sukan

Victoria 

Fatima Janneh 

Published in 1993, this brave, original novel is considered to be the finest account ever written of the complexities of a transgendered existence. Woman or man? Thats the question that rages like a storm around Jess Goldberg, clouding her life and her identity. Growing up differently gendered in a blue--collar town in the 1950s, coming out as a butch in the bars and factories of the prefeminist 60s, deciding to pass as a man in order to survive when she is left without work or a community in the early 70s. This powerful, provocative and deeply moving novel sees Jess coming full circle, she learns to accept the complexities of being a transgendered person in a world demanding simple explanations: a he-she emerging whole, weathering the turbulence.

Stone Butch Blues

Reviews

Highlights