Lisa Myers

As the expert in mental health, psychiatrist Dr Lisa Myers has always been expected to have the answers to help her traumatised clients. However, her professional knowledge and tools did not fully prepare her for when her life was upended by an act of unimaginable violence, which plunged her into a spiral of grief and trauma-management.

In this deeply intimate narrative, Lisa takes us on an illuminating journey through her own life-changing loss. She reflects on her upbringing, relationships and roles which shaped her ability to cope and come to terms with her tragedy.

This courageous memoir reveals how emotional and psychological suffering show up for everyone in different ways and encourages us to seek help when the light goes out. As an impassioned advocate for mental health, Lisa neutralises the shame and stigma by sharing her personal and professional insights for moving through trauma.

When the Light Goes Out

Stephanie 

Peeling away the layers of trauma has revealed the depth of grief, which I’ve learnt is an endless, winding road.

I know that feelings are complicated, and that’s okay. But it doesn’t make living with them any easier.

A light goes out when you lose someone significant, as if some part of your life’s energy dissipates.

The thing is, this works extraordinarily well, but the "right" time to mourn never comes and the cupboard does not magically disappear. 

Time is finite; timing is not. I wasn’t ready to be in a place of stillness. I visualised putting my grief in a cupboard–I knew it was there and would have to be opened, reshuffled and neatly packed away; but now wasn’t the time. I would have to mourn later.

With time, I have come to understand that sometimes we struggle to forgive someone when the damage they have left in their wake is too great. Perhaps forgiveness is not the goal then. Or perhaps something else precedes it – acceptance. 

No matter what feelings are evoked, we can always accept what has happened. Acceptance doesn’t excuse the wrong. When we accept what has happened, we acknowledge the devastation, disappointment and pain, especially when the person who has hurt us is meant to love and care for us. It allows and tolerates all feelings without judgement. 

Seeking closure when it doesn’t exist can be torturous.

So I did what I always do – I disconnected and ‘just did.’

But at the same time you know you probably should open that box and tackle and process those emotions. 

We all have our Pandora’s box of emotions filled with years of hurt, loss, rejection and suffering which we keep tightly shut for fear it will explode, leaving the mess of subconscious, unwelcome feeling-scraps scattered everywhere. 

I knew that if I allowed any pain or anxiety to leak, it would engulf and crush me, leaving me fuzzy and functionless.

I am frustrated he got to decide that I could not handle the truth. I wonder whether it would have been easier to grieve his death if I’d had all the facts so I could process my feelings in my own way. I will never know. 

Ironically, I am forced to manage my feelings – simply different ones.

The feeling of brokenness raises the terror of never being whole again.

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