Louise Willingham

William Anson is done with relationships, thanks. He's starting the second year of his medicine degree single, focused, and ready to mingle with purely platonic intentions. Meeting Daniel, a barely recovered drug addict ready to start living life on his own terms, might just change that. There are two problems. One: William isn't out. What's the point in telling your friends you're bisexual when you aren't going to date anyone? Two: Daniel's abusive ex-boyfriend still roams the university campus, searching for cracks in Daniel's recovery. No matter how quickly William falls for Daniel, their friendship is too important to risk ruining over a crush. William is fine with being just friends for the rest of forever. Well, not quite. Content warning - This book includes references to abortion, PTSD, drug addiction, abusive relationships, and self-harm.

Not Quite Out

William Anson is done with relationships, thanks. He's starting the second year of his medicine degree single, focused, and ready to mingle with purely platonic intentions. Meeting Daniel, a barely recovered drug addict ready to start living life on his own terms, might just change that. There are two problems. One: William isn't out. What's the point in telling your friends you're bisexual when you aren't going to date anyone? Two: Daniel's abusive ex-boyfriend still roams the university campus, searching for cracks in Daniel's recovery. No matter how quickly William falls for Daniel, their friendship is too important to risk ruining over a crush. William is fine with being just friends for the rest of forever. Well, not quite.

Ariel Himboi

I would first like to press that this is my opinion and is not based on the writer and it is a look into my reading experience only. 

IMPORTANT SECOND NOTE: SRL publishing, on twitter and instagram has been bashing reviewers, mocking their reviews and saying they are rants because they point out parts of the book they don’t like. 

As of just a few minutes ago, the publisher commented a few nasty things that boiled my blood. First, because of both me and my partner’s review, they assumed our sexuality and stated that we didn’t like the book because we were gay, saw the book through only “gay lens” and were afraid of bisexuality... as someone who is seriously questioning their sexuality and has never announced anywhere a concrete identity... i am baffled by the ignorance. I am not afraid of bisexuality, nor do I have ANY sort of issue with anyone’s sexual or gender identity, although this publisher seems to. 

Ive seen nothing but posts about how unprofessional and rude they are, ranting about reviewers on their websites. They go on to say that the reviewers assume “all experiences are the same” which.. as LGBT reviewers.. LGBT people ourselves... is not correct. 

This kind of response to harmless, honest negative reviews from people who have experienced trauma, addiction and homophobia/biphobia and all of sorts... is disgusting. 

We simply pointed out aspects that we as readers were not comfortable with, or felt represented by and stated how we felt. Simple, honest, reviews. 

Now, the publisher has decided to attack any reviewer in order to defend the author. Even going as far as being biphobic and homophobic themselves. 

I don’t recommend them to anyone, ever again. Keep tbis in mind. 

Important note that I need to add, and the reason why I gave this one star: Abuse isn’t a romantic trope, a character trait, personality trait or reason for a character to be represented as Dan was. As an abuse survivor, this was disheartening, insensitive, and a wrong portrayal. 

As a survivor, in my own experience, I don’t want someone to “save” me, coddle me or pretend that my traumatic experiences can be fixed by falling in love or being taken care of. This is why my review, at first draft, was written hastily in a moment of shock and disbelief after finishing. 

I don’t think the way Dan was written, how the character was handled was entirely close to okay. His abuse was treated, in my opinion, as a way to move a plot, make the main character drawn to him, and also as a device to cause drama and conflict. In no way was it perceived as anything but a “cute” reaction causing the main character to obsess over taking care of them. 

Highly not okay with how it was handled and I apologize for the last minute addition, but it hit me in this moment, and baffled me, that a character in this situation was written this way and perceived this way, to make a romance. 


To start off, this book is nothing of what I expected going into it. The writing is decent but repetitive, the characters are flat and inconsistent, and by the time I finished this, I highly do not recommend this as a romance book at all. I don’t believe this is a book that is represented by the summary on the back— in reality, it’s the opposite. 

First off I would like to say that I appreciate the author for trying to tackle tough subjects and experiences that the characters have in the story, and that is is unfortunately a world-wide shared issue among real people in these situations. However, I don’t think they were handled with responsibility, taste, or sensitivity. 

This book calls itself a slow-burn romance with two characters who want anything but to fall in love, and it says it is about domestic abuse, messy characters and a whole variety of things. The only thing it actually has? Messy characters. I felt very uncomfortable with our main protagonist and his relationship with his love interest Dan, and his friends. 

I was baffled by how poor the story was heading by page 10, more honestly, the first scene. Right away William decides, after one meeting after Dan is outside work, that he must help Dan because he looked so sad the only cause possible was— dear reader, Dan’s supposed abusive relationship. Now, Will knows nothing besides what he aggressively asks his friends to tell him, and he only gathers that Dan has had arguments with his boyfriend. Now, one wouldn’t jump to such conclusions, but we find out that Will’s sister used to be in an abusive relationship, and so Will jumps the gun and assumes the same to a stranger he just met, that he finds attractive. From then on, things look bad. 

Our main character is a closeted bisexual with LGBT+ friends, he's just gotten out of a relationship with an ex girlfriend whose the opposite of him, nothing wrong there. However, he falls in love at first sight and even invites the love interest into his bed for the first time in 7 chapters, a 'one bed' trope gone horribly wrong. There is no slow burn, considering it is Will, respectively like any closeted member of the LGBT+ community not out to anyone, hiding his feelings for Dan while also manipulating Dan into thinking they are just friends, while putting Dan in romantic situations. 

Here’s my first issue: William comes into a coffee shop and walks up to a cashier who's stunning and beautiful. He's taken his order once before, and Will is enthralled by this blue eyed Russian, and when this man, this 26 year old man to Will's 19, randomly happens to be at the library to retrieve Will's missing memory stick, Will becomes more or less borderline obsessive. 

I don't mean the jaw dropping, 'Oh I'm in love' obsessed safe from a distance. Will demands that Dan becomes his friend, and when Dan doesn’t have a key to his apartment, forces him to sleep in his bed for the night. He wakes up, worries Dan will disappear and nearly doesn't go to class because he’s paranoid. 

Meanwhile, after forcing Dan to be his friend, as he follows him around everywhere, Will constantly, openly ignores his friends. The ones who are whole heartedly supportive and there for him. He does not care about them. And, Dan’s character changes different personalities to fit the plot and romance, which wasn’t comfortable. One moment he can handle himself, pay for himself and do whatever he wants. And the next? He can’t take care of himself at all, he becomes skittish, and for the life of my that I don’t understand, becomes soft for Will’s attention. 

Will gets... creepy very quickly. Starting from
the beginning when he thinks, when we hear about his sister's domestic abuse past, that he KNOWS Dan is in an abusive relationship. He goes home, asks everyone he knows about Dan, and when it is confirmed by word of someone who does not KNOW Dan that he is in a relationship, and I quote, 'they fought a lot verbally', Will decides automatically that Dan is being hurt and he must save him. When he realizes his friend knows more about Dan than him, he gets verbally rude and aggressive towards his female friend, jealous, and doesn’t apologize for his brash behavior, even when they forgive him. 

Will is an unsettling, unlikeable, narcissist with a savior complex due to seeing his sister hurt when he hadn't realized. Instead of speaking to her, his life MUST be turned around by way of 'saving' and 'protecting' Dan. We don’t learn anything about William unless Dan is around, or when his friends reveal something, but otherwise, we know nothing except his major. We barely get to know these characters unless it prompts a short repetitive dialogue or scene. 

I also don’t appreciate Will’s choices to use his friends. And not to mention, the author uses a trope where his male best friend, gay, is in love with him in secret, this genuinely kind friend we see for a few chapters, suddenly turns on Will for no other reason than drama when we find out that he’s jealous. He sides with the abusive boyfriend we never see unless involved with a scene where Will rescues Dan, and it is all around not a good plot device. 

Will’s savior complex is toxic, manipulative and gross, and I genuinely hate to see the reviews where people romanticize it. There is a direct quote below where Will does romanticize the abuse, and I don’t think the author should praise this type of unhealthy behavior and relationship as cute, especially since the characters don’t develop or change their ways or relationship at the end of the book. 

At the end we have a very cheap shock twist when we find out Will’s ex girlfriend wants an abortion, prompting the idea it may be Will’s or it isn’t. Will then goes on to show no emotion or sympathy, he then ignores her after telling her he’d pick up the phone when she needed him, and we don’t see her until the end when she is miraculously okay and in a surprise relationship with his best friend that is meant to be cute and exciting. Nothing about the situation or the brushed off topic of their relationship and importance of her having an abortion was sensitive at all. It was brushed over, completely, and forgotten. The author took zero time to expand or do anything about this, and this leads me
to believe it was a plot device to create an emotional scene, when there was no emotion at all. 

I happen to know everyone’s experience is different, I’ve had multiple friends with addictions such as Dan’s, however, it wasn’t consistent and to me it felt like a character trait instead of something we saw Dan go through and heal from. 
William constantly, obsessively, makes sure Dan isn’t doing drugs or seeing his boyfriend, even going as far as I mention later, to always assume Dan IS doing drugs when he isn’t around. 

The author mentions on her twitter, prompted by me and my boyfriend’s harsh review, that they aren’t meant to be a totally healthy relationship. But dear reader, what’s the point of making a cute book about a cute relationship if nothing about it is entirely healthy or good? Why are we praising this so called unhealthy relationship as something positive or good, if it’s truly not meant to be, even though the marketing is towards readers who want something cute?? I don’t quite understand the intent yet. I am still very confused. 

The main issue I have is that the characters don’t develop. By the abrupt end, neither Will or Dan have changed, except for the fact that Will does indeed come out, but that’s it. Truly, why are they in an unhealthy relationship? Are we meant to believe things get better, but as a reader who wanted to read the cute romance I was sold, why don’t we see it? 

This so far is only page one of my notes, there are millions. Please stick with me. 

I don’t agree with the synopsis. For instance, Matthew, the horrible ex boyfriend, doesn’t go around campus terrorizing anyone, except for two scenes where Dan comes back from being with him again and Will berates him. Matthew is another plot device meant to bring the characters together, not a look into Dan’s obvious abuse and trauma. 

We also get salt shaken mentions of worse abuse, but it’s used as a device to remind Will that Dan isn’t interested, even though Will constantly encourages romantic skinship. 
We see that Dan isn’t interested but Will goes out of his way to be extremely, specifically romantically close, even though we see and are told that Dan sees it only as platonic. But we are coerced to be believe Dan truly likes him back, although we don’t actually see it? Rather, Dan acts completely oblivious. 

The romance felt forced, with very little chemistry, and the characters were less rhan consistent throughout. I keot reading because I figured the author had a plan. Alas, it was just a very messy story all together. 


MENTIONED BEFORE: 
Will says at some point, I will add detailed examples later, "the bruises add heroism to Dan but I don't idolize his pain anymore'.

Will is the most toxic, absurd. idiotic, manipulative, emotionally abusive character who doesn't care about any of his friends before and after Dan shows up. He shows very little to zero sympathy, respect or tolerance for anyone but Dan. 

Next mentioned thing: Will gets worried and comes to see Dan and then sees him and goes, 
“I almost expect to see a needle hanging from his skin”because the only assumptions he can make is that Dan is still a horrible addict who needs his help because he's fragile. And then he proceeds to grab Dan, force him to give up so he can hold him. 

Another example: They've known each other for a couple weeks and Will says to Dan when they first hug, 'I've been waiting for weeks'. 

He's also condescending when he continuously tells Dan he's, "Well done' for not doing drugs to speaking to his ex. 

The author also manages to make Dan be an asshole to his own character by joking, "Heroin is just a nighttime activity" even though before and after we are meant to see him as a serious character going through issues, but his personality keeps changing. 

And when Dan tries to leave Dan keeps him by saying, "I won't know if something really, really bad happens to you."

I don’t recommend this book, I don’t appreciate what the other is selling to romance readers, I find it highly insensitive, disturbing, unhealthy and unromantic. This is not a good book, I don’t personally think, and I don’t agree with others who think otherwise. I think you should avoid it and the supporters who blindly follow any mlm book without thinking about the topics and how the author handles the themes.

Vin 

Buckle in, because I have a lot of rambles and thoughts...or what the author/publisher is considering “rants” cause apparently not having high praise for a book means it’s not a valid review. 

I have no problem admitting that I’m angry at this book. I’m angry due to the romanticisation of the saviour complex and drug addiction/withdrawal. 

Will was a huge issue in the book for me. His weird “I need to save him” when it comes to Dan was so unhealthy and weirdly creepy from the first few pages. The obsession Will instantly gets for Dan was a huge red flag and the fact that Will was constantly just doey-eyed over him just felt very out of place for what was actually happening in the book. 

Like...of course Will had to force himself to be a caretaker for a man that’s several years older than him, who he also barely knew. The white Knight syndrome was so uncomfortable to read and I genuinely don’t understand how the author didn’t see this as bad. 

There’s a point in the book where something happens to Dan and Will instantly asks “did you take drugs?” which...uh...*white man blinking gif*. Do you know how hurtful and how harmful that can be to someone coming off drugs? How triggering that can also be? It also shows that Will doesn’t trust Dan (or even knows him well enough) as a person.

The way withdrawal was described and mentioned in the book was done poorly and adds to the romanticisation of “let’s make this dude be a drug addict so the main character can make him better.” Yes withdrawal can be different for everyone, but it just didn’t sit right with me. The timelines of Dan’s drug abuse/etc seemed very confusing. 

The author took some “pretty” symptoms and rolled with that instead of writing what a lot of addicts actually go through. It just felt poorly done and I think it could really harm a lot of readers who have grown up with addicts or may be recovering addicts themselves. 

Another few issues I had was; 
* Will keeps asking if Dan needs painkillers, which...was another red flag in my notes. You don’t ask a recovering addict if he wants painkillers for intense pain because nothing will help broken ribs unless it’s strong medication which is a huge no for addicts. 
* The constant comments about Dan’s smoking...which was really absurd and somewhat nasty. Sure, let’s mock the addict for having another addiction. 
* Will acting like it’s somehow easy to leave an abusive relationship. He treats Dan like a child and tries to control him, which....ding ding ding, is also abusive. (Or are we forgetting that abuse isn’t just black and white?) 
* The outing of Dan’s abuse and addiction. Will cannot hold his tongue and somehow felt the need to share private information that could hurt Dan 
* Will infantilises Dan, which felt really uncomfortable most of the time, especially when Will tries to make Dan’s problems about himself. 

As someone who’s went through very close experiences for my whole life with recovering addicts, I personally cannot recommend this book. 

I’d also like to state that I have no issue with age gap (as my own writing has age gap), that I’m trans and very gay, so none of that comes into play while I wrote this review. There’s no negative feelings for the age gap or bi rep and the writing isn’t the worst I’ve read, but the plot was harmful, the main character was abusive with his saviour complex and the withdrawal/addiction was done very poorly. 

Side note: As an author, you’re obviously doing something wrong with the fact that some reviewers are being scared to post negative reviews because they don’t want to be called out and vagued about. Also stalking people’s accounts who have stated their negative reviews is the height of unprofessionalism.

Not Quite Out

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