Natalie Eve Garrett

A collection of essays about the joys and struggles of being alone by 22 literary writers including: Lev Grossman, Jhumpa Lahiri, Lena Dunham, Jesmyn Ward, Yiyun Li, and Anthony Doerr. If you’re feeling lonely or if you’ve ever felt unseen, if you’re emboldened by solitude or secretly longing for it: Welcome to The Lonely Stories. This cathartic collection of personal essays illuminates what the experience of being alone is like for all of us. Some of these stories are heartbreaking, such as Jesmyn Ward’s reckoning with the loss of her husband, Imani Perry’s confrontation with chronic illness, and Dina Nayeri’s reflection on immigrating to a foreign country. Others are witty, such as Lev Grossman’s rueful tale of heading to the woods alone or Anthony Doerr’s struggles with internet addiction. Still others celebrate solitude and the kind of clarity it can bring about, such as Claire Dederer’s journey toward sobriety and Lidia Yuknavitch’s sensual look at women and desire. Thoughtful and ultimately affirming, The Lonely Stories explores emotions that so often go undiscussed, and lets us all know that we’re not alone. Contributors include: • Megan Giddings • Claire Dederer • Imani Perry • Jeffery Renard Allen • Maggie Shipstead • Emily Raboteau • Lev Grossman • Lena Dunham • Yiyun Li • Anthony Doerr • Helena Fitzgerald • Maile Meloy • Aja Gabel • Jean Kwok • Amy Shearn • Peter Ho Davies • Maya Shanbhag Lang • Jhumpa Lahiri • Jesmyn Ward • Lidia Yuknavitch • Dina Nayeri • Melissa Febos

22 Celebrated Writers on the Joys & Struggles of Being Alone

The Lonely Stories

Emma Hak-Kovacs

Because although talking about loneliness often seems taboo, even a source of shame, we all feel it sometimes: when we're adrift in a new and unfamiliar place; while searching for a partner or feeling disconnected in a relationship; in the isolating experience of being misunderstood, undervalued, or disrespected; when seeking kindred spirits and community; when navigating online and in-person experiences; and during passages of life including heartbreak, illness, and grief. Joyful stories of aloneness were also welcome, because even though we all experience the strong of loneliness, so often we feel replenished by solitude. 

We're told memories are best when they're shared, but l'm saying sometimes it's okay to gobble down the world like the most delicious midnight snack, all for you. I'm saying our memories are only ever really our own, anyway. I'm saying: take a trip.

The movies always made the end of the world look action-packed, she remarked, whereas this apocalypse was boring.

But I didn't know. I can't overstate how little l knew about myself at twenty-two or how little I'd thought about what I was doing.

At the time I'm not even sure I understood how lonely I was. I had friends back in the real world, but I never asked anyone to visit me. On some level I still didn't believe that I could be lonely, even though it was staring me in the face, all day and all night.

But if I were being honest l'd answer them by saying that my heart could still ache for one home as I returned to myself in another.

Rarely does a story start where we wish it had or end where we wish it would.

In popular culture we have "the bachelor pad" and "the bachelor lifestyle" but no such phrases for women. Women who remain alone are objects of fear or pity, witches in the forest or Cathy comics. Even the current cultural popularity of female friendship still speaks to how unwilling we are to accept women without a social framework; a woman who is "alone" is a woman who’s having brunch with a bunch of other women. When a woman is truly alone, it is the result of a crisis — she is grieving, she has failed to find a partner or a family, she is a problem to be fixed. The family, that fundamental social unit, is traditionally associated with women's obligations. Women are the anchors of social labor, the glue pulling the family, and then the community, together with small talk and good manners and social niceties. Living alone as a woman is not just a luxury but a refusal to bend into the shape of patriarchal assumption and expectation. 

With no one else's needs into which to escape, it becomes much more difficult to skid through life on self-delusion and comfortable ignorance. There was nowhere else to go but myself, and no one else available to blame. Being alone calmed the noise that had always crowded into my head, and it allowed me to be both kinder and more accountable.

How can you ease your loneliness when no one knows who you truly are? 

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