Name: Conversations on Love
Rating: 4.323188405797102 (69 reviews)
ISBN: 9780593296608

Natasha Lunn

“This book might just change your life” ―Sunday Times 'Wise, wonderful, moving and brilliant... will leave your heart in a much better place” ―Stylist After years of feeling that love was always out of reach, journalist Natasha Lunn set out to understand how relationships work and evolve over a lifetime. She turned to authors and experts to learn about their experiences, as well as drawing on her own, asking: How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it? In Conversations on Love she began to find the answers: Dolly Alderton on vulnerability Stephen Grosz on accepting change Candice Carty-Williams on friendship Lisa Taddeo on the loneliness of loss Diana Evans on parenthood Emily Nagoski on the science of sex Alain de Botton on the psychology of being alone Esther Perel on unrealistic expectations Roxane Gay on redefining romance and many more...

Lovers, Strangers, Parents, Friends, Endings, Beginnings

Conversations on Love

Helen Borham

abi a

 So you make someone the right person and they make you the right person. There isn't someone the right shape out there for every person - that has to happen in relationships. That's why relationships get better, because we allow mutual impact.

Harley V

Phoebe Waller-Bridge spoke about how you spend your twenties figuring out who you are, and so by the time you've carved out an identity you share less with each other, because the stakes are higher.

Lizzy Jensen

“As someone who searched far and wide for somebody to love her, I feel I missed that the great love story of my life is really that I was born to two parents who love me, and that I never had to ask for their love.”

It's an emotional realignment, like somebody's cracked my spine. If I get lonely, I reach for those pieces of writing that feed the soul. That can lead you back to the best in yourself, or articulate the things that you can't find words for. When you stumble on something you didn't know that somebody else felt too, you think, oh my gosh, I'm not the only one. That is a falling in love - it's the self recognized in someone else. A union of souls.

If I felt then that the men I dated saw me only as a faint pencil sketch of a person, [my friends], by contrast, didn't just see me clearly but brought out all the colours. When you spend time around a friend who makes you feel this way, you're left with a lingering sense of peace. Their questions nudge you closer to knowing yourself, their love shrinks your insecurities. And so, in the space of loving and feeling loved, I learnt to value myself. 

You're not meant to lose sleep or cry over love. You shouldn't have to fight for it. If it feels like a fight, don't waste your time.

You can be seen by various people in different ways, and no one person, not even your parents, can really see the whole of who you are. So it's about finding all the different people you can love, and seeing the positivity each of them brings to your life.

I would not be the person I am now without my friends. They point out my successes when sometimes I can't see them. They show me the good parts of who I am when I don't like myself. That sounds dramatic, but sometimes it is true. 

I'm talking to you from King's Cross station, and everybody here has got their unique story. But what we share is that every single person in the station, all of us, wants to love and be loved. When you understand that, you empathize with people. You understand that we're all part of something bigger.

Because it is so hard to know ourselves, Aristotle believed that loving a friend is an integral part of gaining that emotional knowledge. We learn about ourselves from a loved one not so much because of what they tells us, but rather by observing our own reflections in them.

ReadwithZanariah 

"The stories we sit up late to hear are love stories. It seems that we cannot know enough about this riddle of our lives. We go back and back to the same scenes, the same words, trying to scrape out the meaning. Nothing could be more familiar than love. Nothing else eludes us so completely.' (Jeanette Winterson, The PowerBook)

I used to think it was love that I was longing for, but I was wrong. I was obsessed with the idea of love, not the truth of it. All those years and nights I spent asking, When will I find love?' I never paused to think about what precisely it was. Do many of us? We don't learn about love at school, we don't research it, or take a test in it, or review it once a year. We're encouraged to learn about economics and grammar and geography, but not to know about love. It seems strange to me, how we expect so much from love, and yet devote so little time to understanding it. Like wanting to dive into the sea but having no interest in learning how to swim. And yet, whether we think about it or not, love leaks in and out of all of our lives, every day, freely, cruelly and beautifully. 

Love is stronger, more lasting than fear 

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived

Mary Carmona

“How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it?”

I’d place the emphasis on self-understanding too, and the capacity to communicate it. If somebody said, ‘I don’t adore myself, but I’m interested in myself and I can communicate the truth about myself to other people,’ that would be more reassuring than somebody who said, ‘I’m perfect.’

“I learnt that the expectation that someone will save you from who you are, or from what you have or don’t have, is a fallacy. Expecting someone to fill in a hole that’s within you? That’s expecting too much of any one person. That’s not your friend’s job or your partner’s job. That’s your job.”

sina (she/her) 

It doesn't matter who you meet or when you meet them: there's pain and joy on each side of the ledger. So don't stick rigidly to one story about what your life means, because it's likely to be wrong. In fact, there are many ways of living this life.

Because we live in a very individualistic society, we focus on what we want and what we deserve, and we can forget the world doesn't owe us anything. There are billions of people on this Earth and, in the grand scheme of things, you are but a tiny part of the whole.

A celebration of love in all its forms, with contributions by: Alain de Botton on choosing the 'right' partner * Candice Carty-Williams on friendship * Philippa Perry on self-acceptance * Diana Evans on parenthood * Roxane Gay on re-defining romance * Emily Nagoski on the science of sex * Gary Younge on loss * Esther Perel on infidelity * Lisa Taddeo on a broken heart * Dolly Alderton on vulnerability * and many more _____________________________________________________________________________ Every day we think about love, and every day love eludes us. Maybe you're hoping to begin a new relationship, or in a secret place in your heart, gathering the courage to leave one. Maybe you're in a long-term partnership, wondering how to sustain love through life's many storms. Maybe you're a parent and you want to be a better one; or you've lost a parent, and that loss suddenly dwarves everything else. After years of interviewing people about their relationships, Natasha Lunn learnt that these daily questions about love are often rooted in three bigger ones: How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it? Interviewing authors and experts as well as drawing on her own experience, Natasha Lunn guides us through the complexities of these three questions. The result is a book to learn from, to lose and find yourself in. The real-life love stories will leave you feeling hopeful and seen, while the insights from experts will transform the way you think about your relationships. Above all, Conversations on Love will remind you that love is fragile, sturdy, mundane, beautiful; a thing always worth fighting for. Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn is available to pre-order now

This book explores the multi-faceted nature of love across romance, sibling, parental, friendship etc. and discusses how it's an active intention of choice when life gets difficult, especially when dealing with loss. It made me reflect that I should probably work on my capacity to love (since I'm most often on the receiving end), because so far it's only been easy loving on friends and my dog and not much for anyone else. I'm surprised I made it to the end of the book, maybe because it's in interview excerpts form, kind of like essays but with dialogues. 

Ivy Chen

This book found me in a deeply sensitive time of my life and I cannot tell whether that is why it touched me or whether it stands on its own merit. For me, it was very moving - particularly the section talking about friendship and that talking about loss. There is something quite lovely in the depth of human sentiment captured here, so much so that nearly makes me wish some of the interviews had been longer.

I will think of it fondly for the rest of my life, I think.

This book found me in a deeply sensitive time of my life and I cannot tell whether that is why it touched me or whether it stands on its own merit. For me, it was very moving - particularly the section talking about friendship and that talking about loss. There is something quite lovely in the depth of human sentiment captured here, so much so that nearly makes me wish some of the interviews had been longer.

I will think of it fondly for the rest of my life, I think.

The premise is good, the execution... not so much. If it weren't for the last chapters on loss and grief, I would have lost it. 

Valentina

A celebration of love in all its forms, featuring conversations with: Philippa Perry on falling in love slowly * Candice Carty-Williams on friendship * Alain de Botton on the psychology of being alone * Dolly Alderton on vulnerability * Emily Nagoski on the science of sex * Diana Evans on parenthood * Lisa Taddeo on the loneliness of loss * Esther Perel on unrealistic expectations * Stephen Grosz on accepting change * Roxane Gay on redefining romance * and many more _________________________________________________________________ Every day we think about love, and every day love eludes us. Maybe you're hoping to begin a new relationship, or in a secret place in your heart, gathering the courage to leave one. Maybe you're in a long-term partnership, wondering how to sustain love through life's many storms. Maybe you're a parent and you want to be a better one; or you've lost a parent, and that loss suddenly dwarves everything else. After years of interviewing people about their relationships, Natasha Lunn learnt that these daily questions about love are often rooted in three bigger ones: How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it? Interviewing authors and experts as well as drawing on her own experience, Natasha Lunn guides us through the complexities of these three questions. The result is a book to learn from, to lose and find yourself in. The real-life love stories will leave you feeling hopeful and seen, while the insights from experts will transform the way you think about your relationships. Above all, Conversations on Love will remind you that love is fragile, sturdy, mundane, beautiful; a thing always worth fighting for. Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn is available to pre-order now

gives me soooo many insights of what love is, from so many perpectives and it opens new insights for me as well. had a great time reading it and i feel like i have so many new point of views about love—that’s nice.

alifia

Stas

An investigation of love in all its forms, featuring conversations with Lisa Taddeo, Esther Perel, Emily Nagoski, Kate Bowler, Alain de Botton, Stephen Grosz, Roxane Gay and others Journalist Natasha Lunn was almost 30 when she realized that there was no map for understanding love. While she was used to watching friends fall in and out of love, the older she got the more she had to acknowledge: her friends' relationship struggles could no longer be chalked up to youth, and the more she learned about her parents, grandparents, work colleagues, and mentors the clearer it became that age had not brought any of them any closer to understanding this elusive, transformative, consuming emotion. One night during the months she found this realization settling over her, she sat up in bed and jotted three words in a notebook: conversations on love. In that moment, Lunn understood that she didn't want advice about love, she wasn't looking for the answers, or evergreen wisdom but she craved candid, wide-ranging, sometimes uncomfortable conversations about the parts of love that often don't make it into our everyday discussions of marriage, sibling relationships, friendships, or mother/daughter bonds. Conversations on Love started as an experiment aimed at interviewing experts about what love meant to them, in all of it's messiness, and quickly blossomed into a newsletter that attracted thousands of subscribers and a prestigious range of interviewees. It turns out that Lunn wasn't the only person ready to talk more openly and expansively about love. Interweaving personal essays and revealing interviews with some of the most sough-after experts on love, journalist Natasha Lunn guides us through the paradoxical heart of three key questions about love--How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it?--to deliver a book that is a solace, a beacon, a call to arms, a tool-kit. The real-life love stories in these pages will leave you hopeful and validated, while the insights from experts will transform the way you think about your relationships. Above all, Conversations on Love will remind you what love is: fragile, sturdy, mundane, beautiful, always worth fighting for.

it sounds like a journal (not in a good way) and doesn’t bring anything new to the conversation about love 

the parts I read covered decentering romantic love, treasuring platonic love and understanding that people are imperfect and that is what makes them whole. um okay, feels like that meme about “guys telling you an amazing thought but it was just something you discovered at a sleepover when you were 13” 

Xiang

DNF at page 71

it sounds like a journal (not in a good way) and doesn’t bring anything new to the conversation about love 

the parts I read covered decentering romantic love, treasuring platonic love and understanding that people are imperfect and that is what makes them whole. um okay, feels like that meme about “guys telling you an amazing thought but it was just something you discovered at a sleepover when you were 13” 

brooklyn leota

I listened to this on and off for the last few months and it always felt relevant. It’s so well-written and the interviews with other authors emphasises the fact that we all perceive love in a similar way, but not the same. I think I’ll come back to this every once in a while to be remembered of all the knowledge I read. 

One stand out quote was not finding someone better, but finding someone who makes you a better person. It’s definitely something I want/have been living by since I listened to it.

After years of feeling that love was always out of reach, journalist Natasha Lunn set out to understand how relationships work and evolve over a lifetime. She turned to authors and experts to learn about their experiences, as well as drawing on her own, asking: How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it? In Conversations on Love she began to find the answers: Philippa Perry on falling in love slowly Dolly Alderton on vulnerability Stephen Grosz on accepting change Candice Carty-Williams on friendship Lisa Taddeo on the loneliness of loss Diana Evans on parenthood Emily Nagoski on the science of sex Alain de Botton on the psychology of being alone Esther Perel on unrealistic expectations Roxane Gay on redefining romance and many more... 'Conversations on Love shows that love comes in myriad forms and that like our hearts and minds, it can be explored infinitely' Pandora Sykes, Sunday Times bestselling author of 'How Do We Know We're Doing It Right?' 'Conversations on Love is a glorious celebration of human vulnerability and connection. It has made me laugh, shed tears, think deeply. I want every person I love to read this book' Dr Kathryn Mannix, Sunday Times bestselling author of WITH THE END IN MIND Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn is available to pre-order now

with Philippa Perry, Dolly Alderton, Roxane Gay, Stephen Grosz, Esther Perel, and many more

Teresa Bonifácio

I am in love with this book. This felt like a therapy to me. To understand all kinds of love, to understand love while going through a loss. 
Everyone should read or listen to this book. I was able to understand so much more about love with this book. And to understand some of mt reactions. 
Loved it!

heel fijn en mooi boek, het gaat over liefde op alle vlakken van het leven. er staan verschillende interviews in met steeds een korte terugblik van de schrijfster, 10/10 ⭐️

Suryani

Isabella 

It explores love in different forms including romantic, friendship, and familial relationships. It's split it three sections: finding love, sustaining it, and surviving the loss of it. The interviews gave me a lot of insights, and there were interesting takes I haven't thought about. It was written beautifully, and it flowed so well, however, it became a little repetitive (but then again, it was taken from interviews, and we really can't fault the interviewees for having similar takes). Would have enjoyed different perspectives tho. This book definitely showed that love is not just a feeling, but also an action. Personally, I was invested in the first part of the book since it's the section I can relate the most, but I could see myself reading it again once I experience the other aspects mentioned in the book. This is a book you could easily read again especially if you need some relationship advice.

allison chen

i thought this would be pretentious but it's actually really raw and personal and genuine. it was nice to read little by little to digest the content... i found myself recalling parts/quotes in the book to reframe my outlook on my own relationships with more gratitude and optimism. the author and every single interviewee brought a different perspective and articulated their stories and attitudes towards life and love so well. i am a lover of love!!! life is not one love story but many :')

sputnik sweetheart

A read that everyone has devour at least once in a lifetime ❤️

nasya

Through her own thoughts and a series of interview-like conversations, Natasha Lunn reflects on relationships in all their forms. It is split into three main sections, how we find love, how we sustain it, and how we survive when we lose it. It's an interesting approach to all forms of love, I enjoyed the different perspectives we got to see, at the beginning I was flying though it because I really did like it but it soon became very repetitive like I can't get through the last 1/4 of the book and I just wanted to be done with it. because it was more of the same. That’s why I get bored in 1/4 of the book.

taryn

“For anyone who feels lost in longing” - the dedication got me right at the beginning.

I think this book is the kind I will return to throughout my life to find comfort, understanding, solace, it'll have a place for me.

I deeply enjoyed the richness and wisdom of this book. A mus read for everyone that wants to understand how to love. 

antonia maria wagner she/they

Mia Caven

This book got mixed reviews when I looked it up after I randomly picked it in the bookstore and bought. But honestly? I loved it. It talks about all kinds of love and the realism behind it. Platonic, romantic, familial, maternal, etc. it touches on very deep stories from different people and it was refreshing to hear someone say things like “if they wanted to they would is bullshit” because we all have different abilities and needs and ways of showing love etc. (not those words to be exact but along those lines). It’s a sweet book and good for romantics, empaths, and people needing to learn self love.

ame 

this book had such a great concept but after a while it becomes repetitive :(

Nikola

kaitlan

If the 7+ billion people on this planet read this book, the world would be so lovely it might explode. Mostly I mean that this book makes us better, kinder, softer people, and I think we all need to be all of those things, more and all the time.

I think that the search for love, as I understand a lot of my life and my work to be, is also the search to see that I already have it.

Mostly I mean that if I had an infinite supply of money, I would buy a copy of this book for every person I know and text them daily to ask if they've finished reading it. 

Conversations on Love deals with desire and longing with candid, poetic tenderness. It points us to what we know is true but often distract ourselves from: that we need and want love, and that is okay—even good—we just often distort good love with fear and fantasy. Instead of "Will I ever find love?" this book drives us to ask, "How could I love better?" 

True loving means letting others be, seeing them as real and full, and then being real and full alongside them. And while we cannot control the flow of people and events (and even love) in our lives, love does require our intention and care. Love requires curiosity, self-reflection, honesty, commitment, and still, space to be and grow into its own. 

If I'd stayed with someone I'd met in my early twenties, moved to the seaside, got a dog and had a baby at thirty, there would have been wonderful and mundane chapters to that story, just as there were wonderful and mundane chapters to the life I lived during those years instead.

I've been lucky to have my life as it's unfolded.

Joana da Silva

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS BOOK and I will make no apologies for it. Will I start every conversation from now on with the prompts from this book? Yes. 
Will I quote from it to write my best friend's wedding speech? Of course. 
Will it be my number one reference for life? Is that even a question?
Natasha Lunn, you precious soul, the first chapters felt like an intense session of therapy and the other ones showered me with wisdom and clarity. Thank you.

i wish i could force everyone in my life to read this book

this book reminded me that to love is to be changed. that love is spacious, joyous, disappointing, and hard at times. i will definitely be coming back to this book again and again. 

parker

Matilde

3,5 stars?
(I regret reading this as an audiobook because I feel like I would have appreciated it more if I had read it in a physical format)
I really enjoyed it, it felt just like a warm hug
This book isn’t just about romantic love but also self love, friendship love, family love, sex, vulnerability, grief and loss. We get to see different perspectives on all types of love, and understand that everything we feel, inside or outside a relationship, is just normal and other people feel it too.

Conversations on Love Lovers, Strangers, Parents, Friends, Endings, Beginnings

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